BURKARD'S BLOG
I searched on the Internet months ago, and found no one keeping a blog about events in Columbus, Georgia. (Well, other than a 15-year-old high school student, and who knows how much he pays attention to the news?) So being the hip web-savvy guy that I am, I decided to start a blog of my own - chronicling happenings in the town I've called home for six years, as well as my experiences in it.
But be warned.... I used to have a humor service called LaughLine.Com, so my views may be a bit amusing. And the views
are my own; no one has paid me to present theirs. Pressured, yes - but paid, no.
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22 AUG 03: NOT TO RUSH ANYTHING
Without my asking for it or expecting it, a shock came in my mailbox Thursday afternoon - a 216-page "Gifts of Christmas" catalog. Christmas? Already?!?! Can't we even play a college football game first?
The Christmas catalog came from "The Lakeside Collection" in suburban Chicago. I never heard of this company before, and I'm not sure how I got on its mailing list. At least some of the spam companies send you a warning e-mail first.
I used to marvel at the big department stories in downtown Atlanta putting up Xmas decorations one week after Labor Day. Now the catalogs are coming 11 days BEFORE Labor Day. Perhaps it's because the big labor unions don't have enough clout to stage a protest strike over this.
The Lakeside Collection catalog offers a wide range of gift ideas -- from porcelain dolls to glowing reindeer. But one page offers a big surprise: "Ass Kickin'™ Snack and Sauce Sets!" Which member of Fort Benning's Third Brigade came up with a name like this?
Some of the gifts in this catalog struck me as a bit silly:
+ A children's "Electronic ATM Savings Bank." C'mon now - how many ATM's are left which accept deposits?
+ A "powered ride-on motorcycle" apparently made for children. It has a real headlight, taillights, and even an accelerator pedal which "really works." The troubling part is, the description never mentions the word "brake."
+ A set of NASCAR bobble-head dolls. For some reason, it doesn't have Jimmy Spencer with a bouncing fist.
+ Fleece NFL sweatshirts - with your choice of only FIVE teams. Apparently Super Bowl champion Tampa Bay was left out because.... it's warm in Florida?!
+ Pairs of "SpongeBob SquarePants" slippers. Should I assume they don't keep the water off your feet?
+ A "Bread Dipping Set" for $8.95 - with four saucers, a cruet and a shaker holding four different kinds of spices. So apparently people AREN'T soaking the crust off dirty dishes.
BLOG UPDATE: The Ten Commandments monument in Montgomery was surrounded with plywood for awhile Thursday - and supporters compared it to the "Berlin Wall." Now I think the protests have gone too far. The Commandments are still free -- or at least available at one-dollar stores.
Eight justices on the Alabama Supreme Court outvoted Chief Justice Roy Moore, and said the Ten Commandments monument has to leave the State Judicial Building. To which most Alabamians said - "There are eight other justices?"
The local TV news raised a good point Thursday night: why don't most churches display the Ten Commandments? Some of them seem more enthusiastic about displaying the weekly offering amount....
The church I used to attend had a national fundraising project about ten years ago, selling Ten Commandments plaques. Within a year of that promotion, the man in charge of the church effectively declared the Commandments obsolete for modern Christians. For some reason, I was the only one to suggest we offer plaque purchasers their money back.