BURKARD'S BLOG

I searched on the Internet months ago, and found no one keeping a blog about events in Columbus, Georgia. (Well, other than a 15-year-old high school student, and who knows how much he pays attention to the news?) So being the hip web-savvy guy
that I am, I decided to start a blog of my own - chronicling happenings in the town I've called home for six years, as well as my experiences in it.

But be warned.... I used to have a humor service called LaughLine.Com, so my views may be a bit amusing. And the views
are my own; no one has paid me to present theirs. Pressured, yes - but paid, no.

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6 AUG 03: COURTNEY LOVE

Parts of Columbus buzzed Tuesday about the appearance of a local woman on the Fox reality show "Anything for Love." She tried to force her boyfriend to marry her -- at home plate of a big-league baseball stadium! If she had done this at Golden Park, it could have been a very intimate ceremony.

Courtney Rollins works in Columbus, while boyfriend Tim lived in Atlanta. After three years of courting, Courtney apparently grew tired of waiting for a marriage proposal - so she went to "Anything for Love" to give her man an ultimatum. At least she had some class about it. She could have gone to Jerry Springer.

Courtney complained Tim seemed more interested in sports events than her - so "Anything for Love" arranged for them to fly to Los Angeles, so Courtney could surprise Tim with an ultimatum inside Dodger Stadium. Some of us can remember when the word for this sort of thing was not "ultimatum," but "proposal."

Tim and his buddies were given an unsuspecting tour of Dodger Stadium - but as he stood at home plate, Courtney came out of the dugout wearing a wedding dress. After all the court rulings, church votes and TV shows about homosexuality, this seemed almost old-fashioned.

Courtney's home-plate ultimatum almost didn't happen. "Anything for Love" showed her nervously having second thoughts, and walking around to calm down inside Dodger Stadium. There probably hadn't been so much tension inside that stadium since the 1988 World Series.

Courtney sucked up her courage, and walked onto the Dodger Stadium field in a wedding dress - but Tim told her this wasn't the right way to get married. He was right, of course. No million-dollar baseball players were around, to give them pricy wedding gifts.

(Fox could have made this dramatic moment a whole lot cheesier - by playing the baseball announcer section of the old rock song, "Paradise by the Dashboard Light.")

Courtney eventually turned around with her back to Tim, and walked out of Dodger Stadium - their relationship over. Now we know why the Dodgers fired batting coach Jack Clark the other day. Not even visitors can "hit" on each other there.

The hosts of "Anything for Love" assured us Courtney and Tim are still friends, but Courtney has moved on with her life. She's getting good at that "moving on" thing - since she lived 100 miles away from him, after all....

Less than a year ago, Courtney talked of becoming a local TV reporter. Now she HAS made her TV debut - but in a wedding dress, on what she openly called a "stupid reality show." Truly life is full of choices. May we all learn to think carefully BEFORE we make them.

BLOG UPDATE: Speaking of ballparks, let's hear it for the South Georgia Waves! They finally drew more than 1,500 fans to Golden Park, so the team ticket manager can stop living in the luxury box. [24 Jul] If that box really IS luxurious, though, can I stay there next?

Waves ticker manager Chris Mounds revealed to WRBL he didn't have a "home bed" to occupy after Monday night's game drew 2,552 fans. He says he doesn't even have an apartment in town. Hey, Chris! Did you happen to walk by my complex early Sunday morning?

Speaking of which: my landlord had a crew out Tuesday to fix the broken rear window at the apartment next to mine. [4 Aug] A new window's there now - which still shows vagrants the place is empty, so they can stay overnight there.

I took precautions in the wake of Sunday's break-in at the apartment next door. Sunday night, I left a light on and a radio running. Monday night, I reduced that to only the radio. And Tuesday evening, I actually checked in the closets to make sure no one was hiding inside.

SCHEDULED FOR THURSDAY: Numbers, get your numbers here....