BURKARD'S BLOG

I searched on the Internet months ago, and found no one keeping a blog about events in Columbus, Georgia. So being the hip web-savvy guy that I am, I decided to start a blog of my own - chronicling happenings in the town I've called home for some six years, as well as my experiences in it.

But be warned.... I used to have a humor service called LaughLine.Com, so my views may be a bit amusing. And the views are my own; no one has paid me to present theirs. Pressured, yes - but paid, no.

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11 AUG 03: DEJA VU ALL OVER AGAIN?

Before we begin, a prelude: Today's blog items are dedicated to Abel Dimant - a former co-worker at CNN Center, who I learned over the weekend had died in Los Angeles. He was a true professional journalist at "CNN Spanish." And he proved you don't have to be as hunky-looking as Jorge Ramos to do that sort of job.

Now to our topic: All I'd planned to do was drive to the Bradley library. Yet as I walked to my car around 4:15 p.m. Sunday, I saw a man standing across the road and pointing far away. For all I knew, he might have been recovering from the first Falcons pre-season game Saturday night -- and calling a first down.

It took him a couple of times to explain himself, but the 60-something-looking man wanted a ride "across the bridge" to a truck stop in Phenix City. I agreed to give him that short ride, since I try to play by the Domino's Pizza rule. I drive carrying less than 20 dollars.

The man said his name and offered me a handshake as he got in the car, but I didn't pay attention. I was all business. "Buckle your seat belt, sir. It's Georgia law." The faster we got going, the less likely others might come out from the bushes and try to form a mini-bus.

The man carried only a sealable plastic bag, with what appeared to be a change of clothes. The way the man smelled, he must have been holding that bag for a couple of weeks without opening it.

As we headed down Fifth Street, on an around-the-block course to the Oglethorpe Bridge, the man asked: "Are you a police officer or an insurance salesman?"

Uh-oh. This sounded familiar - TOO familiar, by three months to the very weekend. [12 May] So I quickly took control of the situation, remembering the last woman I gave a ride. "I'm neither a police officer nor an insurance salesman, and I haven't dated in a long time - and no, I'm not interested in sex."

The man seemed a bit baffled by this answer, so I explained: "The last person who said she needed a ride wound up wanting sex with me. So when you say you 'need a ride,' I'm assuming you mean a ride in a car, across a bridge to another
location." This seemed to satisfy the man - or perhaps convince him I was the crazier one in the car.

The man was quiet after that. We crossed the Oglethorpe Bridge, exited onto Highway 431, and went south to the Citgo truck stop on the right. But as we approached, he asked me to drive on a little farther - and I declined. Just because we're passing a "Waffle King" doesn't mean I have to act like one.

"You asked for a ride to the truck stop," I said as we turned into the parking lot, "and I believe people should say what they mean and mean what they say." Everything I know, I learned reading "Horton Hatches the Egg."

The man muttered a thank-you at the truck stop, got out and began walking away. Finally! A begging situation where I felt like I was in charge. The only leftover impact on my brain was airing out the passenger seat - and that probably took the entire time I was in the library.

Believe it or not, this was not the first person to ask me for a ride across the bridge to Phenix City. On a Saturday night in June about four years ago, a woman asked for such a trip - only to get in the car and say she really needed money to pay her babysitter. When will we learn that the first thing people say always is a lie? Such as, "Nice to see you...."

As a new year in Muscogee County schools begins today, I find myself asking if school bus drivers ever face what I've faced in recent months. Do parents ask for rides to work, if the job is on the same route as their children? Do the drivers carry change for a 20-dollar bill, if the adults get desperate?