BURKARD'S BLOG

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16 AUG 03: VICK'S FORMULA

The journalist in me came out tonight, and I fear it ruined the evening of a woman at a Wendy's restaurant. She dared to ask the three words you never ask a Christian trying not to lie - "How are you?"

"I was happy and doing fine, until I got in the car to drive over here," I told the woman at Wendy's.

"What happened?" she asked.

"I found out Michael Vick broke his leg."

"He did WHAT?????" The woman was shocked - SHOCKED! It was probably the biggest blow she's faced since Kobe Bryant confessed to adultery.

The Falcons' pre-season game obviously was not on TV or radio at this Wendy's, so I was presenting -- uh, should I call it this -- breaking news.

"I LOVE Michael Vick," the woman at Wendy's told me. "How did it happen?" I hadn't heard the Falcon radio team explain it - so I wasn't sure if it happened during the game, or if he tripped over all the photographers who seem to watch his every move.

"And I was going to go see Vick play, too," the woman said disappointedly. This I could understand. About the only people who would pay to see Falcons backup quarterback Doug Johnson play are Florida fans -- and only if they were in Atlanta for the SEC Championship Game.

A man working with the woman at Wendy's tried to cheer her up. "They've still got one good quarterback. They've got all those big-money players." Oh, yeah - big-money players. They've worked so well for the New York Mets this season.

"Let's face it," I told the man, "the Falcons are only as good as Michael Vick's health." Besides, the number of big-money players you can sign goes down when your top-selling uniform in clothing stores is injured.

The man at Wendy's remained undaunted. "Doug Johnson can do the job," he said. He HAS to at quarterback now -- or else the Falcons will have to wait for the Packers to cut Akili Smith.

Having ruined the atmosphere at one business, I drove on to Walgreen's in Phenix City - where thankfully no one asked how I was doing. I hurried there to take advantage of a two-for-a-dollar coupon for Vanilla Pepsi. It seems to have more vanilla taste to it than Vanilla Coke - but I don't have any vanilla ice cream for a real comparison.

A young couple was in front of me at Walgreen's - and I saw a classic example of feminine psychology. As the woman stood in line, she told her man nearby, "You don't need any candy."

The man heeded her, and joined her in line - whereupon she said, "Do they still have any almond crunch bars?" The man went back to where he'd just been to get one, as the woman looked up from her purse with a big smile on her face.

(I think that woman knew I'd witnessed the whole scene. As football coach Hank Stram once said, "Like taking candy from a baby, boys....")

COMING SUNDAY: Where I went to worship, because the usual place was closed.... and a new song about Justice Roy Moore AND the Northeast power blackout