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20 SEP 04: JUST FOR KICKS

Before we get to our main topic - our best wishes to Columbus Police Chief Willie Dozier. The city's first African-American police chief revealed in Sunday's Ledger-Enquirer he plans to retire soon. That way, he'll finally be free to admit if he thinks the Sheriff's Department is full of racially-profiling rednecks.

It's easier than you might think for a white guy to feel like a minority group. I certainly felt that way Sunday - when I went to Auburn University, and rooted for the visiting team.

I didn't realize until last Friday that my old alma mater Kansas was bringing a women's soccer team to Auburn. In fact, I'm not sure I realized Kansas even HAD a women's soccer team. When I attended Kansas, we did well to have intermural
soccer teams....

The first time I knew Kansas was playing soccer at Auburn came when I checked the Auburn web site, to see if the football game was still on for Saturday. After all, Auburn cancelled Friday's soccer match with Nevada-Las Vegas - and we all know how popular "Rebels" are in the South.

"You ought to go," a co-worker said to me when I mentioned Kansas was coming to Auburn. I told him there are plenty of things I "ought" to do. For one thing, he hasn't seen the stacks of magazines I haven't had time to read lately.

"It's free," the co-worker told me about the women's soccer matches. "They're that desperate for a crowd." Now this I couldn't believe. An Auburn sports event that's FREE? Why, it cost 20 dollars simply to park close to the football stadium on Saturday.

My old loyalties took over at that point - and I decided I had to make the trip Sunday to Auburn. That's loyalties, plural. Kansas Jayhawk sports - and the fact that I haven't shopped for groceries at Kroger in three months.

I encountered a surprising traffic jam on the way to the soccer pitch. Downtown Auburn was jammed with cars Sunday, during the noon hour Central Time. The only place in Columbus with traffic that slow at that time on a Sunday is Fourth
Street Baptist Church, with cars double-parked for more than a block.

Apparently the Auburn students were out for a Sunday drive because they were still savoring the Saturday win over L.S.U. The "rolls" still were on the trees at Toomer's Corner - and for all I knew, young fans may have been cruising ever since the final whistle, 18 hours before.

Thankfully the crowd of cars cleared once I passed Toomer's Corner. I was growing concerned the long line of cars was heading for the soccer field - and I was being set up for an ambush.

The Auburn soccer field is located not far from Jordan-Hare Stadium, but the two places are very different. For one thing, the soccer field has an old farm building overlooking it -- and the building doesn't have a single ad painted on it.

Sure enough, admission to the Kansas-Auburn soccer match was free. All you have to do is cross a bridge over a creek to reach the pitch. But a sign at the entrance warns no food, drinks, pets or weapons are allowed. That explains why no soccer fans from England were there.

By the way, Parkerson Mill Creek next to the soccer field was at a normal low level - so I guess Auburn University safely can have class again today....

(The only unusual thing I noticed in the creek was a big blue piece of wood. Did someone lose a ping-pong table when Hurricane Ivan came through?)

I looked around the crowd at the Auburn University soccer field, and quickly discovered I was a loner. No one else had on a Kansas cap or sweatshirt like I did. And the field only has bleachers on one side of it - so I couldn't even go to the other side, and get autographs of all the players.

Undaunted by my situation, I took a seat and started cheering for Kansas anyway. I quickly discovered I was making more noise than 90 percent of the fans in the bleachers. Perhaps that's because I didn't have a hangover from Saturday night's
post-game parties.

There aren't any cheerleaders on the "touch lines" at Auburn women's soccer games, rooting on the Tigers. Aubie the mascot didn't show up, either. Maybe he was committed to appear at a Sunday church service, to help illustrate the story of
Noah's ark.

So during the first half of the Kansas-Auburn game, I did a few short "rock chalk" chants as the Jayhawks tried to move forward. They had the better chances at scoring - but one led to a yellow card, when an attacker collided with Auburn goalie Megan Rivera. For you female readers: the cards women's soccer players get are a canary shade of yellow.

Halftime came and neither side had scored. So I walked back to my car for a swig of soda during the break. Since the game had no tickets, no "pass out" rules were in effect - and you might as well go have some tailgate food every time a
player is injured.

Not until halftime did I meet someone else who's a Kansas graduate. He didn't have on any Jayhawk gear - instead wearing a Pebble Beach golf course sportshirt. Well, that WOULD make him less of a target after the game ended....

"One of my buddies just donated two-and-a-half million" to Kansas, the man told me. "Another buddy is about to give a million for the second time."

This talk of high-rolling donors was far out of my league. "I'm still working on my first HALF-million."

As second-half play unfolded, I figured out what made this Auburn crowd different. Some students were there - but so were parents with young children, especially little girls. For a young family, any kind of free entertainment truly is a blessing.

I saw something in the second half I'd never seen at a soccer game before. A Kansas player threw the soccer ball in from the sideline by somersaulting - really a forward handstand, before the making the throw. This is what happens when a college has no women's gymnastics program.

(Either that, or this young woman must have enrolled at Kansas after appearing in the cast of "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers....")

Auburn began to have the better of the play as the second half wore on - but after 90 minutes, the game remained scoreless. In baseball, this is called an exciting "pitcher's duel." For too many baseball fans, this score in soccer is called a reason not to watch.

A tie game in college soccer means two ten-minute "sudden death" overtime periods. In the first overtime, a woman finally spoke up in the bleachers above me: "Please, somebody score." I didn't bother to ask if the woman forgot to bring
sunscreen to the game.

CORRECTED: I'm thrilled to report there was a happy ending in the second overtime. Kansas scored at 102:34 for a 1-0 win over Auburn! That may help the Jayhawks keep a top ten ranking.-- something I don't think the K.U. football team has had in about 20 years.

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: We have more to say about the Auburn soccer match, but we're out of time for today. Watch for that Tuesday.)

Now other quick kicks from Sunday:

+ President Bush toured the damage from Hurricane Ivan, spending some time in Orange Beach, Alabama. His aides obviously briefed him well about this trip - because the President never mentioned the city's ruined orange crop once.

+ A friend of mine at church revealed something strange about the recent storms. He says Hurricane Frances put half of Waverly Hall in the dark for awhile. Then Hurricane Ivan put the OTHER half of Waverly Hall in the dark for awhile. Now
the town is even - and hoping Jeanne isn't the tiebreaker.

+ The Atlanta Falcons remained unbeaten by stopping St. Louis. In a post-game radio interview, Coach Jim Mora Jr. declared Jay Feeley "is not a kicker. Jay Feeley is a football player." Maybe that's what's wrong with college football this
fall. Too many football players are kicking extra points.

+ Instant Message to Timberline Homes of Opelika: That is SO cruel of you - that sign you have outside promoting an "after-hurricane sale."

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