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15 SEP 04: IVAN-A-VAMOOSE

Auburn University has cancelled classes for the rest of the week, because of Hurricane Ivan. But as of Tuesday night, the Saturday football game against L.S.U. was still on. That's what I like about Auburn - its priorities are in order.

People across South Alabama have plenty of reason to be concerned about Hurricane Ivan. But c'mon - no classes for three days at Auburn? Is Interim President Ed Richardson's budget-cutting becoming THAT desperate?

The forecast track on Tuesday night indicated Ivan could plow right up Interstate 65, from Mobile to Montgomery. If Federal Judge Myron Thompson is reading this - there still could be time to change your mind, and let that Ten
Commandments monument go back in the rotunda.

Governor Bob Riley ordered residents of five Alabama coastal cities to evacuate Tuesday. If people aren't careful, "Orange Beach" may wind up more of a Seaweed Green.

People even were ordered to evacuate some mobile homes in Chambers County and Eufaula. The homes might not be strong enough to take hurricane-force winds - but if they start rolling over after they're blown off foundations, at least they WILL be mobile.

At least five evacuation shelters were open in east Alabama Tuesday night, for people escaping Ivan. They included Philadelphia Baptist Church in Smiths Station - which I guess leaves the Roy Martin Center in Phenix City for all the atheists.

Ivan still could bring heavy rain and strong winds to Columbus - so Tuesday night I took an inventory. I have one gallon of water, as well as a 12-pack of Dasani cans. There are seven cans of chili in the pantry. And if all else fails, there's an unlimited number of roaches in the kitchen I can catch and cook.

(True confession: the Dasani 12-pack is a gift from the Columbus Wardogs - handed out to journalists the day the arena football franchise first was announced several years ago. Wouldn't it be sad if the water lasts longer than the team?)

Some Columbus residents rushed to Wal-Mart and similar stores Tuesday, stocking up on essentials in case the hurricane moves this way. Bottled water and batteries sold quickly - and if Ivan doesn't show up here, bored teenagers can pour the water on the batteries for a cool chemistry experiment.

The church congregation I attend is two weeks away from an annual convention. Many of the members plan to head for Panama City Beach, so they're thankful Ivan may be heading west of there. And if the hurricane comes ashore in Biloxi - well, that'll teach those sinners to have casino gambling.

Ivan is nothing to laugh at, you say? OK, let's try some other topics:

+ Rainbow/PUSH leader Jesse Jackson spoke to students at Columbus State University. He urged them to register for the November election by saying, "Vote for lower tuition!" Someone should tell Dr. Jackson the Georgia Governor isn't up for re-election this year.

(WRBL showed two guys outside the C.S.U. Lumpkin Center backing President Bush, with a giant cardboard cutout of him. If it's cardboard and not a blow-up doll, are these guys REALLY better off today than they were four years ago?)

+ The Ledger-Enquirer went before the Georgia Supreme Court, asking for the release of some evidence in the Kenneth Walker case. You'd think after nine months, the newspaper would have some sort of "undisclosed source" who would leak these things.

+ Shaw High School softball coach Debbie Ball was among five people named to the Chattahoochee Valley Sports Hall of Fame. Well, it's about time! A sports hall of fame HAS to have a "Ball," to even exist....

+ Instant Message to the two tired soldiers I outran for several blocks on the Riverwalk Tuesday morning: I don't mean to rub it in - but my age is now 46, and my weight is still above 190 pounds.

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $1.66 a gallon at Dolly Madison on Victory Drive.... batteries as low as 39 cents with a coupon at Walgreens.... but why did the $1 McChicken sandwich disappear from the downtown McDonald's?

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: We'll probably have no entry Thursday, as we mark the Biblical "Feast of Trumpets." Please stay safe from the storm....)

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