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10 SEP 04: TWO-CHINA POLICY?

Fort Benning's rush to declare things off-limits to soldiers finally went too far Thursday. Two restaurants were added to the list - and one of them hasn't been in business for months! Someone should give the commanders directions to these places, before the brass bans them.

The two additions to Fort Benning's list are the China Inn Express on Victory Drive, and the China King Express on Veterans Parkway. Trouble is, China King shut down months ago - so once again there are problems with military intelligence.

Fort Benning apparently didn't realize the China King Express near Eighth and Veterans Parkway has closed. In fact, something else opened there last spring -- a name blog readers will recall: Mac Daniel's Burger Park! [3 Jun] That place can't even get free publicity when Benning bans it.

(By the way, I'm told Mac Daniel's Burger Park now is closed as well -- so more people in the Historic District may be vegetarians than I realized.)

So why is China Inn Express, well, out? When I first heard about Fort Benning's announcement, I wondered if the cooks on Victory Drive are top-secret spies for Beijing....

But a Fort Benning spokesperson explained it very differently. China Inn Express now is off-limits because drivers made deliveries on post, and tried to "solicit business" without the Army's permission. C'mon, you drivers - leave the soliciting to the Victory Drive nightclubs.

The Fort Benning staff claims China Inn Express's drivers were told to stop asking for customers inside the gate - but the restaurant would change drivers, and the problem would start all over again.. How many Benning privates say the same sort
of thing, when a drill sergeant gets promoted?

Because of violations, China Inn Express no longer is allowed to deliver food inside Fort Benning. This ought to make for some interesting scenes - as soldiers and cooks arrange secret chow mein deals at Victory Drive motels.

(What could be so bad about Fort Benning soldiers buying food from this Chinese restaurant? Did it refuse to sell "General Tsu" chicken or something?)

Is Fort Benning doing all this because it neglected to ban a different sort of business? Soldiers told a U.S. House hearing Thursday they were tricked into signing high-priced life insurance policies on post. Of course, some would argue soldiers signed their lives away when they enlisted....

The soldiers told House members drill sergeants invited them to meetings at Fort Benning, in which they were led to think they were enrolling in savings or mutual fund plans. Instead, it was life insurance they didn't really need -- and you
shouldn't buy "whole life" when your whole life is ahead of you.

The "American Amicable Life Insurance Company" was singled out as the offending company, at both Fort Benning and Camp Pendleton, California. Executives told the House hearing they've fired the agents who sold expensive policies. So how many of them sent resumes to AFLAC?

Now some quick things to close the week:

+ The Columbus Civic Center presented comedian Ron White on his "Drunk In Public" tour. Why should I buy tickets for a show like this, when I can walk down Broadway and see it for free almost any weekend?

+ Troy University stunned Missouri in college football 24-14. As a Kansas graduate, I can't help giggling over this upset - until I remember Kansas isn't ranked, Missouri was, and my Jayhawks struggled to beat Tulsa.

+ Instant Message to the muscular man I saw wearing sunglasses but no shirt, riding a bicycle down Wynnton Road: Well, at least you were heading west - and that's the right direction to Malibu.

COMING SOON: Some "lost" e-mail.... and a look back to Jesse Jackson's last Columbus visit....

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© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.