3 AUG 07: WHAT COLOR IS YOUR PAIR-O-SOCKS?

The annual sales tax holiday began Thursday across Georgia, and begins today in Alabama. So why haven't they moved the date of the "world's longest yard sale" to accommodate this?

All sorts of "back-to-school" items can be purchased this weekend with no sales tax -- from computers to old-fashioned notebooks to clothing. I guess this means teenage girls can buy those T-shirts declaring they're hotties, and use the tax savings on a padded bra to prove it.

Even socks are exempt from sales tax in Georgia through Sunday. I know this because I asked at the checkout aisle of a store. Of course, I asked on Wednesday - which was one day too soon. So be nice to me, Columbus Police Department. I gave a little extra for your raises.

I needed a new pair of navy blue socks, as my current pair had holes in each heel. And I happened to be near Big Lots on Sidney Simons Boulevard, which had a great deal - a two-pack of men's socks for two dollars. Of course, this could mean they're only sturdy enough to last two months....

But as I selected the socks, I noticed something I'd never seen before. Hanes mentions the colors of the socks not only on the package - but actually WITHIN the socks. The word is knit into the toes! As if someone's going to walk up to you and ask?!

I had to double-check the package label - but yes, these are men's socks. They're not for four-year-olds still trying to sort out a blue sky from a green meadow. But they might be people who became strangely addicted to Garanimals clothes years ago.

After pondering this sight for a while, a few theories came to mind for why "navy" was knit into my new socks:

+ Perhaps Hanes did this to help shoppers -- because sometimes the lighting in department stores can make colors look misleading to my eyes. Either that, or they're secretly spiking the soda at the Peachtree Mall food court....

+ Perhaps Hanes did this for the benefit of people who have color blindness. You know, the people who regularly attend "One Columbus" small group meetings.

+ Perhaps Hanes has developed a clever plot to increase sales. When the color fades to the point where it doesn't match the word, you replace them whether they're worn out or not.

You may have a better explanation for these embedded words in my new socks - but is this the start of a strange new fashion trend? Is this how Hanes is responding to all those women's T-shirts with "red" in parenthesis?

Or has Hanes quietly concluded what I'm really fearing -- that many adults today are so stupid that they don't know their colors? Sometimes you see portions of "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth-Grader" and start to wonder....

Maybe this color problem has been around for years. I may have mentioned before that my humble Honda was listed on the window sticker as "red" when I bought it 13 years ago. In reality, it's more like a cranberry red-purple. Of course, in recent years the carbon plant in Phenix City has turned it closer to black.

Now without any intentional discrimination on the basis of color, let's review some Thursday news headlines....

+ Which local judge stopped downtown to have a short chat with Columbus NAACP President Bill Madison? Did Madison somehow think that judge can reopen the Kenneth Walker investigation, with a little lobbying?

+ Columbus City Engineer Donna Newman assured TV reporters local bridges are safe, in the wake of the disaster in Minnesota. Newman says local bridges are inspected by the state every two years. And if jogging my overweight body across the Dillingham Street Bridge dozens of times hasn't brought it down, I think it's still OK.

(Donna Newman told WRBL four Columbus bridges rated "poor" in recent inspections. Two of them on Brown Avenue, and aren't scheduled for an upgrade for a few years. So I hope Interstate 185 can handle at least one more car -- mine.)

+ A part-time Russell County SWAT team member told WRBL he's suing Phenix City Manager Bubba Roberts, for ordering him to leave a firing range. Luis Coreano revealed Roberts actually has confronted him twice. So does Coreano still have a "Hardin for Mayor" bumper sticker on his car?

+ The Metro Narcotics Task Force announced a big regional drug bust. Harris County Sheriff Mike Jolley said a man was arrested for growing 160 marijuana plants - and claiming they were "for personal use." This is the strangest way to prepare for hurricane season I've ever heard.

+ Auburn University design students dedicated a house in Lee County in honor of Moszell Benson. Benson is known nationwide for her quilting skill - yet I attended church with her for three years after moving to Columbus, and I never heard her bring it up. I thought we had a close-knit group, but apparently you don't knit in quilting.

+ The Columbus Cottonmouths announced league-leading goal scorer Ryan Rutz will return this coming season. It will be his fourth year in Columbus - which makes me wonder if his career is stuck in a Rutz.

+ Instant Message to the driver of a car with Ohio tag ECE 1580: I know, I know -- you rolled down the windows a little, as you left your dog in the back seat outside a library. But if that was a child on an August afternoon, you'd probably be under arrest. The only grilled hot dog I want to see is at Dinglewood's Pharmacy.

COMING SOON: What I'm about to have in common with Charlotte, Long Beach and San Francisco (any guesses?)....

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