29 AUG 07: SPINNING AND SPAMMING

Before we get to our planned theme for the day, we simply cannot avoid the Tuesday night referendum results in East Alabama. Voters in four different school districts all turned down property tax increases. Let's all hope no more hurricanes head this way - because those districts will need all the trailers they can find.

The vote in Phenix City was 74-percent against a property tax increase. Superintendent Larry DiChiara warned new construction was needed, because school enrollment was jumping. Maybe voters liked that "outdoor classroom" at Lakewood Elementary, and want the concept expanded district-wide.

Superintendent Larry DiChiara sent letters to parents throughout the Phenix City School District, asking them to support the property tax increase. But only about 500 voters did - which makes you wonder how long the waiting list is for enrollment at Glenwood.

The margin in Lee County was even more lopsided. A property tax proposal for schools was squished like a bug, gaining only 18-percent support. The answer now may be cost-cutting -- like cutting the costs of hiring a new superintendent, and bringing back the old one.

I'm hearing the Lee County property tax vote may have morphed into a referendum on the school board. The board still hasn't really explained its de facto firing of Superintendent John Painter in July. If Painter is this popular, he may wind up as an executive assistant to Muscogee County's John Phillips.

We don't have time to say much more, because of a tight schedule. We'd originally planned to offer another pre-packaged, preservative-laden SPAM-A-RAMA today. We take REAL titles of spam messages from our InBox, and offer quick replies to them. So it's hip hip hip, and away we go....

"IMPOTENCE IS NOT A PROBLEM WITH OUR DRUG."

....So if your wife says she has a headache, insist she take aspirin.

"FRIENDS HE ACCUMULATED"

Then Michael Vick was indicted.

"FRACTURED CIGAR."

What the "smoke-free" activists should do at The Tobacco Place.

"TALKING ON CELL PHONES"

Simply wearing one probably won't get you dates anymore.

"YOU WILL BE ABLE TO PENETRATE DEEPER"

Why Auburn University recruits offensive linemen.

"UNSEEMLY BUBBLE BATH"

What would happen if Victory Drive nightclubs added day spas.

"BUT VENT THIS MILLENNIA"

OK - I hereby reserve 31 October, 2018.

"ALL GIRLS LIKE THE BIG GUYS."

In height, yes. In waistline, no.

"PLEASE OBSERVE THIS EMAIL RELIGIOUSLY."

Sitting at a computer all day is bad enough, without kneeling before one.

"EXPANDING THEIR CIRCLE"

Chad the Alltel guy keeps trying - but those four geeks simply won't listen.

"THE ABILITY TO EAT SMALLER MEALS"

A skill many residents of South Phenix City have - but not by choice.

"THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY A MAN CAN WALK ROUND MOSCOW IN HIS UNDERWEAR -"

....by being the President of Russia.

"POMPOUS TEA PARTY"

Well, no -- the Columbus Chamber of Commerce tends to hold breakfasts.

"YOU HAVE WON ISLAMIC LOTTERY"

What's the prize - 2.5 million virgins?

"MOLDY BALLERINA"

Why no one lobbied to preserve the Three Arts Theatre.

"FREELOAD WHOPPER"

Actually, the other day my neighbor wanted to buy some fish.

"THIS VILLAGE IS GETTING READY TO BLOW UP."

No, that one did NOT come from Hurtsboro.

"DO MOISTURE"

Any old jog outside will do that to me.

"WE WILL SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS INSTEAD OF YOU"

And which Presidential candidate do you support again?

"CHECK MONTGOMERY"

OK -- Mayor Bobby Bright was re-elected Tuesday night.

"OIL.. GAS.. PEPSI"

At a convenience store, I think gas is cheapest by the gallon.

"ARE YOU READY FOR SWEET SWEET SNICKERS? DON'T BE SCARED .... BEHOLD"

If there's anything this candy bar has lacked, it's sugar.

"FOES FUMED THURSDAY."

And they don't play each other until Friday and Saturday.

"HALLE SPEARS"

I hope that tabloid headline is SO wrong.

"NO SO UPTOWN"

Call it downtown, anyway. The merchants on Broadway will still take your money.

"YOU CATFISH MY CONGRESS"

And so WDAK airs Sean Hannity, and not minor league baseball.

"SIMPLY BLOGGER WRITE"

Yet another critic of that album offer....

COMING THURSDAY: A "no" voter's suggestions for what a school district should do next....

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 2530 (+ 91, 3.7%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-07 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.