2 APR 07: IT IS FINISHED

Our title sounds like it came directly from a big Biblical event many people mark this week - and it does. But today, the meaning is a bit different for me. It's the finish of my annual Serious Spring Cleaning - where papers get sorted, the toaster gets toppled, and I visit more recycling bins in two weeks than some people do in a year.

The church denomination I attend keeps a Biblical festival called the "Days of Unleavened Bread," where all the leaven is removed from homes for a week. For many families, it's probably as easy as a sweep through the kitchen. But for a single guy like me - well, chocolate chip cookies can be eaten anytime, anywhere, for almost any occasion.

(The leaven is a picture of removing sin from our lives. So if you'd like to join in this project, my motto for this year is: "Put out all leaven in 2007 -- and you might move a little bit closer to heaven.")

The Serious Spring Cleaning at my home takes more than five weeks. I have to leave room for the interruptions which inevitably happen. This year, I lost an evening to the March 1 tornadoes -- although I suppose a real-life "white tornado" would have cleaned my kitchen better than Ajax Cleanser ever could.

(One year in metro Atlanta, a neighbor who attended church with me called on the final day of cleaning - and demanded I call the Clark Howard Show over and over again, to get on the air with HIS travel questions. I could tell his wife did the bulk of the cleaning at their apartment, and he didn't care how much I did.)

Sometimes strange things happen during cleaning season. Our Sunday entry noted not one, but three examples of beggars needing my help. Imagine if any of those three had been Girl Scouts, trying to sell extra yeast-filled cookies....

Serious Spring Cleaning also provides the opportunity to find lost money from the last year. For instance, I recovered a dime which had dropped between my car seats. But nothing fell under the couch cushions - perhaps they're too filled with papers for me to sit on them.

But in recent years, Serious Spring Cleaning has served another important purpose. I try not only to get the leaven out of my house - but the cockroaches. They can hide in gaps in the medicine cabinet. They hide in the backs of kitchen drawers. And it's SO frustrating when you triple-fold the top of the cereal bag, and they still climb inside....

The trouble is that I'm sure my kitchen cleaning really gets the cockroaches out. Even when I use a vacuum cleaner in well-hidden areas, they seem to find ways to hide a little deeper. You may draw your own comparisons with Usama bin-Laden here.

Yet here's the strange thing: when I lugged a giant trash can to the curb today and declared Serious Spring Cleaning over, I was reminded the bathroom needs a once-over again. That's what happens when you haven't touched it in five weeks. You can keep sweet rolls out, but somehow mold and scuzz still sneaks in.

So if you hear me whistling or humming some unusual tunes over the next seven days, it's because I'm keeping the lessons of Unleavened Bread on my mind. For instance, I hope the Village People don't object if I sing, "I've got to be a matzo man...."

BLOG UPDATE: It turns out we have time on this "Hurtsboro Monday" to mention - well, Hurtsboro. A surprise letter reached our mailbox in the last week, from someone who signed it "Russell C. Ounti." When someone has the initials R.C., you know he's truly Southern.

Mr. Ounti declares in his letter Hurtsboro Constable R.J. Schweiger "has the goods on Mayor Tarver, Paul May, Jim Baxley, and His Honor" - apparently referring to Russell County Judge Ken White. A couple of these names admittedly are not familiar to me. But maybe this is why Governor Riley didn't appoint any of them to that opening on the county commission.

The letter contends a group of Hurtsboro is going after the Constable because the city refuses to "open their books." Mr. Ounti adds the state of Alabama is refusing to get involved with the group's prosecution of R.J. Schweiger on contempt of court charges. So? The state still hasn't answered the Schweiger petitions for a state takeover of Hurtsboro -- so apathy can be fair and balanced.

There are more contentions in the letter, but the final stages of Serious Spring Cleaning prevented us from tracking down the facts. Hopefully we'll have more time in the coming days to do that. We only ask that no one leave a trail of leavened bread crumbs or croutons....

But we're struck by a P.S. in Russell C. Ounti's letter: "The concerned citizen is no longer in town" - the mystery person who contacted us with details on Constable Schweiger's legal problems months ago [17 Jan]. How does Mr. Ounti know this? Is Hurtsboro so small that he took a roll call, and found someone didn't answer?

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: Our usual blog format should resume Wednesday, after we pause Tuesday for the first Day of Passover/Unleavened Bread.)

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 3315 (- 39, 1.2%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-07 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.