17 APR 07: BUGGED TOO MUCH

"How are you today?" asked the man at the car repair shop Monday, as I walked in for an oil change.

"Saddened," I admitted -- saddened by the news of the killing spree at Virginia Tech. While Fort Benning soldiers fight for freedom overseas, I'm afraid the words of the old comic strip "Pogo" remain all too true. We have met the enemy - and he is us.

I probably should have been in a better mood Monday, because I seem to have recovered from my second round of sickness in three weeks. Late Thursday afternoon, my internal temperature stood at 101.4 degrees F. Only one fraction lower, and it would have been "101.3 - I"M Beat."

For all I know, this second round actually may have been a "new surge" by the old sickness. I've had an occasional lingering cough since that 103-degree weekend a few weeks ago [25 Mar]. For awhile I blamed it on pollen -- but I can't blame it on my neighbor two doors down, because he's given up smoking. Being frail and on an oxygen tank will do that to you. [True!]

But last Thursday, my body began rebelling again -- only in different ways from the first attack. This time, there were occasional pains in my stomach. When something is eating inside you after breakfast, and you didn't have any sushi....

The more noticeable health problem involved -- well, uh -- my sitting-down. You know, the trips to what some Texans used to call in TV commercials "that little room...."

I'd (ahem) go to that room, sit down - and the result was 99 percent liquid, and not very solid. It was as if someone had snuck into my refrigerator, and sprinkled my food with the first ingredients for a sex-change operation.

Thursday night's dinner should have been leftover lasagna - but even though my temperature was dropping, my body couldn't handle what I ate. A little was coughed up. The rest was - wellll - in the Internet age, you might call it a high-speed download.

My temperature was about normal Friday morning, so I went to work as usual. Well, not quite as usual - because I took a washcloth for use as a "cool-down rag" for my neck if necessary. I also took an old can of Lysol disinfectant spray, and sprayed my work area. The person in the cubicle before me then claimed she "only had allergies."

The workday was relatively peaceful, and so were the Friday afternoon errands which followed. So I decided to test my body, and try a 7:00 p.m. jog. After only four-tenths of a mile, I slowed to a walk - because I felt a small twitch in my (ahem) derriere. I didn't want to trade one kind of "running" for another.

I cooked spaghetti Friday evening, and it seemed to go down OK - until I woke up Saturday morning, and "dumped" most of that in the restroom first thing. At least my body wasn't so far out of control that I needed to make an emergency run for Depends.

Saturday afternoon brought not only a church service, but a potluck meal afterward. With my temperature still normal, I went as usual - but armed with a trial two-pack of Pepto-Bismol chewable tablets. No, I did NOT do that dance from the TV commercial about "upset stomach, diarrhea" as I did....

A fair amount of the potluck dinner unfairly gushed out at home, so I decided it was time to get serious. On Sunday, I'd go to a drugstore and buy Kaopectate - the medicine my mother made me take as a boy for problems like this. And the stuff which tastes about as drab as old grits, without cheese or sugar.

After actually enjoying a turkey sausage breakfast and taking care of Sunday morning tasks, it was time to go to a pharmacy and settle this stomach bug once and for all. Well, one other important item came before that trip - and the "National Heads-Up Poker Championship" on TV is proving to be quite surprising....

A small bottle of cherry-flavored Kaopectate costs almost six dollars these days. I decided NOT to save money, and buy a pharmacy store brand. This time, I shopped like control of my Individual Retirement Account might be at stake.

But then the strangest thing happened. I drove home, and had the Kaopectate ready if I one more case of the runs - but that case never came. And my "sitting down" has been just fine since Sunday midday. I may have scared the stomach bug out of my body, merely by purchasing the medicine.

Another acid-test moment came, when I decided to go running in a T-shirt and shorts at 5:00 p.m. Sunday. Only afterward did I realize the temperature was only 48 degrees, with a wind chill probably approaching 35. I thought it would be warmer than that - proving my brain may not have been working well through all of this, either.

An occasional cough remains Monday night, as I write this - and I still have a "spitting cup" alongside for right after I cough. I don't want to swallow the grunge. I want to do what I did to grunge rock bands in the 1990's, and keep it far from me.

But thankfully, the churning stomach and the "liquid downloads" in the restroom are gone. It would seem my body is almost back to normal, except for two key things. If I take the unopened Kaopectate bottle back to the pharmacy today, will they give me a refund? And will the health bug suddenly return - like the days years ago when the TV cured itself when the repairman showed up?

You know, this makes at least three times I've blogged about health problems so far this year - a number probably far higher than in the four previous years we've done this. Those of you who use MySpace should learn a lesson from this. In a few decades, you might be calling up RxSpace.

OVERHEARD OVER HERE: A dad is standing around some young children in a church dinner line, so he decides to have a teaching moment.

"Triskaidekaphobia. That means you're afraid of the number 13. TRIS-ka-DEK-a-PHO-bee-a."

Then another man in the line speaks up. "Unless you're afraid of the crackers over there. Then it's Triscuit-dekaphobia."

Now for other things which I hope will help you cheer up, after an admittedly difficult Monday:

+ Russell County High School admitted the weekend storms left some water damage in hallways, while the ceiling of the Principal's office collapsed. Thankfully, no dirty little secrets from the old Principal fell down on her desk....

+ The owner of Tate Furniture told the Phenix City Council he's adding a Broyhill distribution center with about 40 new jobs - so he deserves the same sales tax incentives that Turner Furniture is getting. If the council gives Billy Tate this, before long Phenix City will be bustling with 24-hour workplaces. But there won't be any money for police to watch over them.

+ GPB Radio presented highlights of a "Master Class" at the RiverCenter, which Frederica von Stade and Dame Kiri Te Kanawa conducted for aspiring singers last fall. I only listened to the first singer, but I was a bit surprised - because the "opera divas" didn't cut her down like Simon Cowell at all.

+ Cynthia Tucker of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution won a Pulitzer Prize for commentary. This should inspire a commentary from WLTZ's Al Fleming - probably in opposition to it....

+ The Georgia Legislature gave final approval to a bill allowing the arrest of minors, if they even attempt to buy tobacco products. I'm surprised they didn't go all the way, and add a "don't even THINK about it" clause.

+ Instant Message to the Georgia legislator who talked in a hearing Monday about "vehicle extrication equipment": Is that what the rest of us call a tow truck?

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