15 APR 07: IMUS-T BE GUILTY

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: Part of today's entry is satire, and NOT a real news item. We're trusting you to use your brain, to figure out which part is which.)

CUSSETA, 14 April (T.BOC) - A church congregation here called on disgraced radio host Don Imus today to apologize for every swear word he's ever uttered on the air.

"What happened with the Rutgers women's basketball team was an important first step," declared Pastor Billy Bob Bowers in a "statement of exhortation" issued from his church study. "But now Mr. Imus needs to realize he's insulted and offended a lot of other people over the years, and we've been waiting for our moment on cable news channels, too."

Bowers noted he had to be careful in citing examples of Imus's offenses. "If we quote some of the things he said on radio, God will declare our church a bunch of hypocrites -- and the chance of getting struck with lightning by that line of thunderstorms tonight will go up dramatically."

Bowers found fault first with Imus for using a variety of vile four-letter words during his years in broadcasting. "He went all the way and said the D-word. He didn't even stop at the euphemism for the D-word, which refers to repairing socks. How many people needlessly bought new pairs of socks, because Mr. Imus didn't drop such reminders on the air?

"Even on Thursday," Bowers continued, "Imus's last radio broadcast included the plural form of the seven-letter B-word. Now yes, I'm aware that word shows up in the King James Bible a few times. But if he's not quoting the Scripture, he's even more wrong. And he's seriously risking a trip to The Other Place."

Bowers recalled Imus's recent radio history in the Cusseta area, as proof the community supports his view. "First he was replaced on WDAK. Then he was kicked off WRCG not once, but twice. We praise the Lord for replacement Robbie Watson's conversion to the Christian faith. But we're still unsure about Scott Miller, with all his comments about a 'lucky spot.'"

Bowers went on to contend the two words which proved to be Imus's demise have had far-reaching implications. "The Governor of New Jersey was heading to a meeting of mediation; now he's in the hospital. And perhaps all of this debating proved to be more than Don Ho's health could take."

Yet Bowers said there could actually be a positive effect from the Imus outrage of the last several days. "This has been a learning experience, even for my own congregation," the Pastor confessed. "We have advised our women that from now on, they should specifically state they are wearing PANTY-hose. And our day care preschoolers will take naps -- no more, no less."

Bowers also delivered a "parallel exhortation" for National Action Network leader and New York talk show host Al Sharpton. "We're amazed this 'Reverend' didn't preach to Mr. Imus long before now, over his use of bad language. How much did those years with James Brown corrupt that minister?"

Bowers stopped short of issuing a second parallel exhortation to radio stations which play rap and hip-hop music. "We'll be monitoring Foxie-105 and 101.3 The Beat carefully, to see if they're also playing offensive language," he said. "But first, we need to find a church member who can understand everything the rappers are saying."

Imus could not be reached for comment Saturday on Bowers's words of challenge. Various online rumors had him either negotiating a book deal, or holding urgent meetings with Opie and Anthony on how to resurrect his career.

E-MAIL UPDATE: And speaking of local radio....

It took me over a week to realize it, but are the Braves no longer being carried by WRCG?

1420 has had them forever

Chop Chop

Well, they certainly were NOT there Saturday night - as I heard Neal Boortz's talk show instead. But then again, maybe the baseball players want to be on a radio station where people actually are likely to hear them.

Archway Broadcasting moved Atlanta baseball games to "Boomer 95.3 FM" about a year ago, probably because of the mess concerning the WRCG signal adjustments. It was an AM-FM simulcast last season. Now it may be a case of "Boom" over "Bust."

But we noted Friday that WRCG carried the Atlanta Thrashers playoff game Thursday night, instead of baseball. The Thrashers had a second playoff game Saturday afternoon, so that could explain why baseball was absent in the evening. After all, one N.H.L. playoff game this past week didn't finish until about 3:30 a.m. Eastern Time. [True!]

BLOG UPDATE: On a much more serious topic, the "Richard Davis Foundation for Peace" informed your blog Saturday District Attorney Gray Conger has now agreed to release the soldier's body. Is it because of the online petition drive, which has more than 250 signatures? Or is it because the city budget for room deodorizer is running out?

But with this strange murder case, you knew things couldn't end this simply and easily. An updated statement posted with the petition by the Richard Davis Foundation for Peace says: "Most of Richard's remains that were recovered are now missing." Huh?! Maybe the District Attorney needs to ask his staff where they went last year for Halloween parties.

We'll keep watching that situation, but now let's send some Instant Messages....

+ To the Columbus Police Department: Thank you for making an arrest in that home invasion and killing of two Hispanic residents. If you can prove the killers committed a hate crime, give them an appropriate punishment - such as life in prison, eating flaming-hot burritos every day.

+ To the people who won the loudest stereo contest at AutoFest Saturday: Please don't drive through my neighborhood - especially between midnight and 6:00 a.m.

+ To Rivertown Ford: What's going on here?! You were replaced after the noon news Friday by the "Bill Heard Super Show." Did their general manager win a bet over Arnold Swat-zen-prices or something?

+ To Cascade Hills Church: If you can prove I'm wrong, I'll admit it -- but it sounds to me like you're adding a laugh track to Bill Purvis's "Real Time" sermons. If he's going to preach "the truth," I sort of expect the audience to be the same way.

+ To the Columbus Civic Center: Did you mean to submit that ad to "Eco Latino" - the one saying your guest performer Friday night was "BOB Wow?" Has Lil' Bow Wow changed his name again? Or is this the debut tour by his brother??

COMING MONDAY: The Hurtsboro pot boils over again.... to the tune of more than $10,000....

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