for 24 APR 07: A FLUID SITUATION
"How are you today?" the doctor asked as he entered the examination room Monday. If I'm the only other person in the room and it's an "Urgent Care" center, you'd think the answer to that question would be obvious....
I spent all morning Monday at an Urgent Care center, after developing what might be called "Version 3.0" of an illness which has lingered in my body for a month. I can thoroughly relate to that "P.C." guy in the Apple computer commercial - but I wasn't sure which person should be handed my peripherals.
The latest version came upon me Friday afternoon, as pain began building around my rib cage. It reached the point over the weekend where I was breathing heavily simply to stand up or sit down - and "heavy" seemed to be only about 30 percent of lung capacity. So it was a Columbus election sort of "heavy."
It also reached the point where I couldn't sleep in my waterbed the last three nights. Every point of contact between my aching back and the bed seemed to cry out for personal negotiations.
I slept as best I could two nights in a computer room lounge chair. But early Sunday a "last resort" attempt to sleep worked only when I sat straight up on the floor next to my bed, with bedding piled on a corner of the bed for resting my head. This situation was dangerously close to yoga.
A fever started coming and going with the pain. In fact, as of Monday night my temperature had returned to 101 degrees F. But then again, it was right after I got off the phone with a telemarketer....
After checking my vital conditions Monday, the Urgent Care doctor told me to get a chest X-ray. He wanted to see if anything unusual might be in my lungs. isions of second-hand smoke from my late mother's Salem cigarettes went dancing through my head.
I was escorted to the X-ray room - but we opened the door to find an exasperated-looking patient inside. He apparently had waited an hour before HIS X-ray, and didn't want to be delayed again. Maybe his urgent problem is similar to Garfield the cat's - being allergic to Mondays.
"You might want to move your beverage," said the X-ray assistant with a very British accent as she noticed a cup in my hand.
"No, that's no beverage. That's everything I coughed up since I walked in the door." For some reason, the staff decided against putting that gunk under a microscope for examination.
(Smart comedians learn to tailor their material to their audience. So I told the British X-ray assistant a bit later: "I'd call it the F.A. Cup - except you don't spell phlegm with an F.")
I wound up undergoing two rounds of chest X-rays instead of one - because the plate of the side view came out blank the first time around. I couldn't resist asking the assistant: "Time to change the batteries in that camera?"
The second round of X-rays came out OK - and then the doctor returned with the best diagnosis he could give. I have "bilateral pleural diffusion." I think this was how U.S.-Soviet relations were handled when Richard Nixon was President....
(It was in the Urgent Care waiting room that I heard on Fox News Channel about the death of former Russian President Boris Yeltsin. The doctors ought to think about their patients, and turn the TV to a channel that's more encouraging and uplifting -- you know, like C-SPAN.)
But I digress: the doctor explained I have some kind of fluid at the bottom of my lungs. So he issued three different prescriptions - an antibiotic which hopefully will take care of that, a big-league syrup for my cough, and a blue-and-orange pill to stop runny noses. These Auburn fans always give themselves away....
I wound up spending a bit more than three hours in the Urgent Care center. I may have been to blame for part of that, because I didn't realize I was supposed to return completed forms to the reception desk. But all in all, the sign outside saying "You're sick, we're quick" may need to be changed on Mondays.
E-MAIL UPDATE: Enough about me - someone has noticed our recent comments about Cascade Hills Church and its pastor:
have you noticed that not only does dr. Purvis have a nice new television program that furthers the separation of himself from Cascade Hills...He also has himself some nice new hair plugs and a shiny new Lexus to go with his Hummer.
Many former members have had to stop going to his church for several reasons... One being the fact that it is HIS church and not a house of worship inhabited by the Holy Spirit. In fact I suspect, the Holy Spirit is not allowed an opinion there... unless of course He can pen a large enough check and present a convincing tithing testimony.
If people had any idea how many lies were told from that stage they would be amazed. Some of us old and former memebers do. Maybe we should ask some of the old members that have been run off from "Cascade Hills Formally Baptist Church" to start making a list of the lies they are aware of. I suspect the list would be a long one.
Ya know if one didn't know better they might think Doc P had hired Jim Baker as a consultant...what's next an air conditioned dog house?
Thanks,
Mark
Aw, c'mon - hair plugs?! I know the Bible talks about God numbering the hairs on your head, but really....
It's been a long time since I visited Cascade Hills Church, so I have no idea what sort of car Bill Purvis drives. But if it's a Lexus, apparently they did NOT let keep the $100,000 "fully-loaded Porsche" he showed on the platform one weekend.
But one thing concerned me the last time I went to Cascade Hills Church. The in-house "bookstore" seemed to consist entirely of Bill Purvis's sermon series. It didn't look like you could buy a Bible - which means you'd better like the one they give you as a new member.
Yes, I can envision lies are being told from the stage of Cascade Hills Church. For instance, there's the popular one about Jesus being born on December 25th....
By the way, was that simply a misspelling: Cascade Hills FORMALLY Baptist?! About the only time that church is formal is when it hosts high school proms.
This e-mailer wrote us a second time Monday, after apparently seeing something we posted 15 April:
"+ To Cascade Hills Church: If you can prove I'm wrong, I'll admit it -- but it sounds to me like you're adding a laugh track to Bill Purvis' "Real Time" sermons. If he's going to preach "the truth," I sort of expect the audience to be the same way."
Hello,
I have no idea if they use a laugh track for real time and don't really care...because the other questionable things that take place involving this organization would pale in comparison to the use of a fake laugh track Interesting piece of information however... a friend of mine once volunteered for Real Time and he says that under no circumstances are they allowed to shoot from an angle that shows Billy's BALD spot. Maybe this would explain why Mr. Bill has more hair in his recent photo on his website than he had a year ago. Reminds me of a song..."You're so vain...you probably think this song (blog) is about you".
P.S. I hope you get well soon.
Thanks,
MH
Oh dear - Bill Purvis isn't running for office, and people may be doing to him what they did to Bob Poydasheff's campaign photos last year.
Bill Purvis admitted one personal liability on his telecast a couple of weeks ago. He's now using a giant-print Bible, as opposed to a large-print one. It may not be long before he breaks down and buys "Daddy's little helpers" - what I've heard some ministers call glasses.
We're going to save some "thoughts for the day" which Mark submitted for a Saturday religious discussion. Now let's catch up on some news we've missed over the last couple of days:
+ Columbus Police officer Larry Lightning was fired from the force, after he was arrested on federal counts which include possessing crack cocaine. You may recall he was arrested in 2004, only to have charges dropped - so a man named Lightning may have believed that "not striking twice" stuff.
+ The Muscogee County School District voted to make the New King James Bible the official version for its "Bible literature" courses. Hopefully Joyce Meyer can handle the fact that the Bible with her names on it did not prevail.
(United Methodists tend to use the Revised Standard Version of the Bible, and school board member Joseph Roberson is a United Methodist Pastor. If this is a sign of how much clout he has, Owen Ditchfield might campaign against him a second time.)
+ The CBS Evening News reported the Food and Drug Administration was tipped off last year to salmonella at a Peter Pan peanut butter plant in Sylvester. So why did intervention only occur earlier THIS year? Did someone convince the F.D.A. that green spots in the spread were added vitamins?
+ The Columbus State women's softball team topped Augusta State 2-0, to win the Peach Belt Conference tournament. Congratulations to Coach Tiffany Tootle - and may she never think about moving out of town, and saying "Tootle-oo."
+ A New York Mets fan pleaded NOT guilty to charges that he used a high-powered flashlight at a Friday game, to blind the eyes of Atlanta pitcher Tim Hudson. It's already bad enough at a baseball game to have blind umpires....
+ Instant Message to the fans of Hurtsboro Mondays: Because of our illness, comments submitted for this week will be held until next Monday. Think of it as our way of marking Confederate Memorial Day in Alabama.
BIG PREDICTION: I probably should keep my mouth shut about this, because people might misunderstand and take it the wrong way. But tonight.... uh, er.... I think Melissa R. will be named the next Pussycat Doll.
SCHEDULED WEDNESDAY (health permitting): More on one woman's drive to eliminate the Library Board....
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