for 13 DEC 06: MONEY MAD

Did you hear about the strange robbery attempt on Warm Springs Road? Someone apparently drove through the glass doors of a convenience store, simply to steal the automated teller. You KNOW it's a strange case when the driver doesn't even try to steal cigarettes or beer.

The manager of the Shell station at Warm Springs and Billings told WRBL Tuesday a driver smashed through one glass door, drove to the ATM - but when he found he couldn't remove the ATM, he smashed a second glass door as he drove away. You're left wondering if the guy was smashed to begin with....

Tuesday's news also brought word of a bank robbery at the CB&T Bibb City branch. Reporters often say during bank robberies that the suspect took "an undisclosed amount of cash." We don't want robbers repeating what's happened to major league baseball, from free agency.

While robberies happen throughout the year, you can probably guess why they would increase during December. In fact, the reason should be obvious. These are people who ate black-eyed peas back on January 1, and they still haven't had any good luck.

But Tuesday's news also included another story about money and the law, which struck me as strange. The Alabama State Patrol announced it seized more than one million dollars in cash, from two recent traffic stops. The Associated Press story gave few other details -- leaving me to wonder if a car salesman was caught keeping too many rebates from customers.

The biggest find occurred Sunday in Baldwin County, Alabama. Officers say a pickup truck was stopped for speeding, and about one million dollars in cash was found. So?! Why do you THINK the driver was speeding?! He wanted to get home before his friends learned about the cash, and hit him up for a free dinner.

Officers confiscated the million dollars they found in Baldwin County, as well as the pickup truck. The story doesn't tell us why -- but this may go down as the biggest fine for speeding in U.S. history.

If law officers are holding the million dollars to make sure the speeding driver shows up in court and pays his fine, I guess I can understand it. But the A.P. story goes on to say authorities are seeking "forfeiture" of the cash -- so the driver would lose it for good. You try to buy a house without taking out a loan, and look at what can happen....

This story leaves me begging for details, and baffled for an explanation. Is there some sort of law in Alabama against carrying one million dollars cash in a pickup truck? Are you supposed to rent a limousine, to drive around with that much money?

Without more details, it's easy to accuse the Alabama State Patrol of being as greedy for money as those robbers in Columbus. I mean, why seek a million-dollar forfeiture for a speeding ticket? Did someone find there was no money in the budget for year-end bonuses?

I know, I know - some of you are saying drivers would only carry that much cash if they were doing something wrong. It probably was drug money, you say?! Well, that's an easy accusation on your part. For all we know, maybe they ran out of giant checks at a casino in Biloxi.

Where have we come in these great United States, when people are held in suspicion for carrying large amounts of cash on them -- and could lose all that cash for something as small as a speeding ticket? And keep in mind, this was the Alabama State Patrol's announcement. It wasn't some small-town police chief south of Phenix City....

Had my sports business been a big success this fall, I could have driven home from matches with thousands of dollars in receipts from ticket sales. And yes, I would have hidden them somewhere in my car. In fact, I had an empty box of detergent ready for the cash - so I probably would have been charged in Alabama with money laundering, too.

So here's my point -- have we reached the point in our country where credit cards have become more trusted and accepted than large amounts of cash? And is that a good thing? Maybe this is all a plot with Alabama banks, to get people to finally pull the money out from their mattresses.

And have we reached the point where law officers are jumping to conclusions about people with big bankrolls, and seeking a big jackpot? Have the police become addicted to that new game show - and are yelling at everyone they pull over, "Show me the money?!"

E-MAIL UPDATE: Well, what you do know - our Instant Message from Monday brought a reply:

Sounds like splatters on hand ball court were from a paint ball gun...someone fired them at houses in my neighborhood...I guess the kids are no longer using BB guns..They have advanced to paint ball...

Indeed, that could be how they did it at Benning Park - but the evidence I saw the other day suggests the splatters were too small to be from paintball. The marks on the wall were brown and sticky, with tiny pieces of small red shells on the court. It's as if someone asked Grandma for cookies, and received only M&M's.

Now that we've had our fill of mysteries, let's check other Tuesday news:

+ Our best wishes to Northern Little League player Kyle Carter, who's recovering from brain surgery. A device was put in his brain at an early age, and it apparently broke recently playing middle school basketball. Big-time sports teams would have contract stipulations against off-season games like that....

+ The Columbus RiverCenter hosted a farewell reception for Mayor Pro Tem Jack Rodgers. The tribute was nice, but one detail was missing. Did he go to the box office first, to get two-for-one tickets to Friday night's Blake Shelton concert?

+ A new Manpower survey showed 10 percent of Columbus businesses plan to add workers in the next three months, while 13 percent plan to cut staff. If the survey-takers were nice, they'd have these businesses swap phone numbers - but then again, I guess that would cost Manpower some business....

+ The historian for the Tuskegee Airmen declared there's new evidence showing some bombers actually were lost in combat, during World War Two. The historian has yet to present this evidence - so we can see whether it was provided by the President of Iran.

+ GPB Radio played a recording of a soprano singing in its Atlanta studio -- and included a part where she stopped after one line, coughed and cleared her throat for about half-a-minute. Why was this included? Is it a matter of giving classical singers the same treatment as Jessica Simpson?

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