18 DEC 06: VICTORY IS MINE
It was only after we posted Sunday's blog entry that we learned the news - and what tremendous news it was! I've been honored by a prestigious national magazine! And this is even BEFORE I got mentioned in "Columbus and the Valley."
If you haven't heard yet -- I've been named Time magazine's Person of the Year for 2006! I haven't received an honor like this since I was named the "Most Dependable" employee at a workplace. And that was even more amazing, because I was only a part-time worker at the time.
The Time cover story about my Person of the Year award says, "You. Yes, you.... control the Information Age." At last, someone recognizes the power I possess with this blog. Especially since I don't have broadband, so I can hang up my dial-up Internet access anytime a hacker shows up.
Do you realize the company I'm keeping right now? As Time's Person of the Year, I join a group which includes several U.S. Presidents, rock singer Bono - and I'm only about 23 years behind the computer winning the honor, so it's better late than never.
For years and years, I've been wondering when this day would come. I'd check at supermarkets to see if I made one of those other major magazine lists....
+ The "50 Most Beautiful People" list. So what if I wear glasses? So does Ugly Betty, and look at how popular she's become.
+ The Forbes 400 list. If all of those billionaires suddenly lose their fortunes, as I hear so many preachers so they will someday....
+ "Sportsman of the Year." I always let speeding drivers go around me on the highway - not to mention cyclists, when I'm jogging on the Riverwalk.
+ The "Sexiest Man Alive." Admittedly, this one has become frustrating for me - should I shave regularly, or shouldn't I?
What I don't understand is how Time magazine kept the Person of the Year award so secret from me. It was absolutely a surprise! Not even my friends and relatives dropped any hints - perhaps because I don't think a financial reward comes with it.
Another thing I don't understand is why the news media absolutely did NOT call me Sunday - to interview either me, or offer congratulations for being Person of the Year. I didn't even hear from the Fox publishing woman about ghostwriting, "If I Won It, Here's How It Happened."
Of course, my selection as Person of the Year has to include the obligatory thank-you list, scribbled on the slip of paper in my pocket. There are so MANY little people I'd like to thank for this honor....
+ The makers of eMachines, which provided my first Windows-era computer in 1999. I had to replace it this year -- and while the new version is SO much better, the old one holds stacks of magazines very well.
+ Blogger, the branch of Google which hosts my blog. Please direct those millions of Chinese Internet users this way, through your filters.
+ Several other Columbus bloggers, who gave up the fight this year for various reasons. There are no hard feelings, really - but I'm still not naming you.
+ All of you who read the blog, whether every day or a little less often. I'm nowhere near as upset with you as Kaffie Sledge is with the "Sound Off" writers in the Ledger-Enquirer.
It would be SO wrong of me to go on and on and gloat about this award, but.... what? What's that you're saying?! You say you checked the Time magazine cover, and thought YOU had been named Person of the Year?!?! Oh please -- don't deny me this moment. This is my best chance to attract babes in at least a couple of months....
And don't you dare say the President of Iran deserves the title "Person of the Year" more from Time magazine, for how he influenced world events in 2006. I mean, when was the last time you read HIS blog?
But I suppose I should focus on things other than myself - so here are some notes from a very slow news weekend:
+ The high temperature in Columbus soared above 70 degrees F. again. But sadly, the Columbus city budget remains tight - and all outdoor swimming pools remain closed for now.
+ Which Sumter County woman reportedly is keeping hundreds of bats in her home? I'm told authorities actually are calling her "Batwoman" - but no, I don't think Halle Berry has called her yet about doing a movie.
+ Former Georgia Congressman Bob Barr bolted from the Republican Party, and joined the Libertarians. He's already been invited to be a "regional representative" on the party's national committee - showing this party is free from the big-party bondage of playing political favorites.
+ WRBL reported the Columbus Lions held open scouting drills for the new World Indoor Football League. In light of the weekend news, extra spittoons were spotted around the end zones.
+ Instant Message to TV preacher Peter Popoff: I saw you on cable TV the other night, offering "new larger miracle spring water." Why does the spring water have to be larger? Can't God perform great miracles through small vials anymore?
2006 BLOG YEAR IN REVIEW: This year has brought several new and different things to Columbus and Georgia. For instance, license tag offices across the state began selling NASCAR tags. To this date, I haven't seen any on cars - unless those are the ones racing by me in a blur on the freeway.
Columbus Council began 2006 by approving an expanded rock quarry in Fortson. Little did we know how foreboding that would be - as the city finance department was on rocky ground months later.
But some Columbus Councilors claimed they were blindsided in January, when the Muscogee County School Board took a surprise vote for a new sales tax. Councilors were unhappy because they weren't told about it. Political activist Paul Olson was unhappy because he said his idea was stolen. Other area bloggers were unhappy because - well, that's really not all that unusual....
The Georgia NAACP announced a new project at the start of January: removing two World War II memorial plaques from the Taylor County Courthouse. This issue took 61 years to set up -- so the civil rights group has only 60 years to go to achieve its goal.
But January had happy times in our area, as the Third Brigade came home from its second tour of duty in Iraq. A third tour probably will begin early next year - and we hope it's three "quick strikes" and they're out for good.
Former President Jimmy Carter admitted to CBS News in January he makes wine at his home in Sumter County. This is different from his latest book - where critics claim he makes whine, in behalf of the Palestinians.
Columbus Police faced a challenge in mid-January, when several animals being used for pro bull riding broke out of their pen and scattered around South Commons. This pointed out yet another glaring omission for South Columbus - the lack of a good meat market.
The Georgia Office of Consumer Affairs fined a Buena Vista Road gas station $2,000 in January, for pumping up its gas price to five dollars a gallon during 2005. No one ever did go back there, to see how high cigarette prices were jacked up to pay off that fine.
Several local teams marked sports milestones in January. Randolph-Clay High School set a Georgia record, by winning 77 boys' basketball games in a row. Herbert Greene at Columbus State won his 500th college basketball game. And Auburn University basketball marked its centennial - and officials were happy when more than 500 fans showed up.
The Miss Georgia pageant had its best Miss America contestant in decades, as Monica Pang finished second. But when last we heard, Pang was moving to Malaysia - so this may be the worst reaction to grits in recorded history.
(BLOGGER'S NOTE: Our year-end review of 2006 will continue over the next several days....)
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