5 APR 06: ROAD GAMES

"I think this is newsworthy!" the woman exclaimed to me over the phone Tuesday. She claimed she had just witnessed a Columbus city crew painting a street - not with a machine, but with paint rollers like you'd use on the wall. Is "Extreme Makeover" adding a road edition?

If you can find Maple Brook Court, you'll find the street the woman was describing. She says a four-person crew used rollers to paint that street Tuesday. But then, this woman had to call twice to get the street name correct -- so maybe teenagers on spring break were marking the street for touch football.

"It's a ridiculous use of tax dollars," the woman told me about the paint job. In a way, she may have a point. Why do we need a dashed line down the middle of Maple Brook Court? Shouldn't drivers in a neighborhood with that sort of fancy name know which side of the street to use?

When I told someone else about the upset woman, he noted something I'd never realized. Perhaps, he said, tar was being rolled on Maple Brook Court for sealing purposes. So it's not only the Gothic look, it's actually functional....

Another theory occurred to me long after I took Tuesday's call. Perhaps the city of Columbus is using inmate work crews to paint streets, and the prisoners were being punished for missing a spot.

That's not the only amazing discovery on local roadways nowadays. WRBL reported Tuesday a Phenix City police officer found a six-foot-long boa constrictor on Seale Road. The fact that the boa is still alive tells you something about Alabamians. In Oklahoma, it would be a pair of boots already.

Snake experts believe the boa constrictor was brought to Phenix City, since it is "not native" to this area. At least the Chattahoochee Valley Vipers use some natives, like quarterback J.R. Revere....

The Phenix City officer who found the boa constrictor on Seale Road did NOT shoot it on the spot. That incident involving Rep. Cynthia McKinney and the U.S. Capitol Police force already is having an impact.

The One Stop Pet Shop in Phenix City has custody of the big boa, until the rightful owner is found. C'mon out of hiding, whoever you are -- because I want to know which church in this area still practices snake-handling.

E-MAIL UPDATE: No spring cleanup of the InBox would be complete without something from Mayor Bob Poydasheff's worst nightmare. The latest mass mailing from "Is Our City Safe" says:

I remember when I posed this question to our city leaders: Are we ready to deal with returning soldiers and new soldiers to our area as far as providing emergency services?

The response was a sarcastic one: What do you think they are going to come back, move here and go nuts?

Here are some highlights from an ABC news report concerning soldiers returning from war.

It is titled: Soldiers Describe 'Emotional Roller Coaster' Upon Return From War....

The above response from our city councilors seems more and more insensitive toward our soldiers the more I read about the problems soldiers encounter when they return from war. You would think that leaders of a city supported by Fort Benning would be a little more concerned about the welfare of our troops than to say "What do you think, they are going to come back, move here and go nuts?"

Vote them out!

Wade Sheridan

Proud supporter or our Military.

The ABC News report is lengthy, so I'll only post it if there's interest. But it noted one-third of the military personnel who invaded Iraq in 2003 sought mental health counseling after they returned to the U.S. So did they drive Saddam Hussein crazy, or vice versa?

The ABC article focuses on National Guard personnel, and claims the general rule is to leave them alone for three months after returning from a combat area. Fort Benning's Third Brigade received only a 30-day leave earlier this year -- yet there wasn't any violence when that soldier won the St. Jude Dream Home.

Some soldiers face personal battles with everything from drug use to spouse abuse after returning from combat duty. Some turn into gamblers - which suddenly makes all the Texas Hold 'em Poker nights in Columbus a valuable public service.

If Wade Sheridan is waiting for a Jonestown-style series of shootings at Fort Benning, it hasn't happened yet. And the better answer to the emotional problems he cites isn't really in emergency services - it's in counseling and prevention.
Where DO they hold the U.S.O. dances around here?

Speaking of emergency service: Columbus Council was informed Tuesday the 911 center will be upgraded, so more radio channels can be recorded along with police and fire traffic. The center will record animal control radios, city work crew radios - and to really be proactive, it ought to record 101.3 "Da Beat."

With that, the InBox is finally empty - so let's put down the dust cloth, and check other items from Tuesday:

+ Phenix City Police Chief Brian McGarr told WRBL he plans to exchange the department's Smith and Wesson pistols for new Glock pistols. The swap will cost $42,000 - so if you see the entire force riding bicycles as gas prices go up this summer, you'll know why.

+ Georgia state officials confirmed the groundbreaking of the Kia plant in West Point has been delayed for a few weeks. Perhaps it's because the Kia President has been barred from leaving South Korea, due to a political scandal. Turning dirt via a video-conference call simply isn't quite the same....

+ Georgia Rep. Lynn Westmoreland told GPB's "Georgia Weekly" if the allies had not invaded Iraq, Saddam Hussein would have joined forces with Iran by now to take on the U.S. Apparently Westmoreland wasn't a history major -- because he forgets Iraq and Iran spent years fighting each other in the 1980's.

+ A team of Auburn University students won the "Quad Squad" competition on MTV - and their prize includes a year's supply of Snickers bars. Some of us can remember when college students cared about fighting world starvation....

Your PayPal donations can build a better blog, and keep it independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 6885 (+ 173, 2.6%)

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.