The Blog of Columbus, Georgia

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

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CLASSIC BLOG -- 25 FEB 03: HORNS-A-PLENTY

As I drove home from work this morning (still on the overnight shift), I waited for the light to change at 10th Avenue and Wynnton Road. I was first in line, and heard a horn honk twice behind me. At that point, I had several choices:
A> Wave - since people in the South are SO friendly.
B> Point to the red light in front of me - because some people in the South can be SO unaware.
C> Violate the red light to get out of the way - because some drivers in the South love to pretend they're on NASCAR teams.
D> Find a weapon and use it - since President Bush HAS authorized pre-emptive strikes.

I ignored the first honk, only half-awake and aware. The second time, I waved looking through my rear-view mirror. As I did, I discovered my light had changed to green - and I raced through the intersection. Sometimes you can prevent fiery road rage.

The driver behind me was in a white pick-up. As it happened, he followed my path through the 11th Street tunnel, leading to downtown Columbus. For those of you from other cities, it's like the Holland Tunnel in New York - except the politicians here haven't heard about charging tolls.

The pick-up driver happened to follow my line one block down 6th Avenue, 10th Street, then south on Veterans Parkway. I was not nervous through all of this. If he'd followed me into the driveway, then tried to sell me jewelry dirt-cheap, I would have been.

I waited for another light at 9th and Veterans Parkway - and I heard another honk. It was that pick-up driver, who had pulled up alongside. Now my guess was that the man was lost - but did he really expect to get out of my car back there, and hold up everybody?

In some other cities, I would have ignored the driver to my left so as not to be provocative. But I took a took a change and rolled down the window to hear him say: "That was my friend driving a semi I was honking at back there." Ohhhhh. Then who was he honking at, just before talking to me?

This is what annoys me about serial horn-honkers - and the man drove away before I thought to mention it. Car horns have no speech pattern, to help identify their meanings. If you wave in response, the honker may respond with (ahem) a few fewer fingers.

Speaking of repetition, I received a phone call this evening offering me a new MBNA Platinum Visa Card - for the second night in a row! I turned it down again. But if this keeps up, I may start saying yes - to build the most unusual deck of playing cards in the world.

Monday night the credit card telemarketer was male. Tonight it was a female. She asked questions about the cards I have now, while the man kept adding point after point about why the MBNA card was SO superior. That "Mars and Venus" stuff even applies in boiler rooms.

The female telemarketer didn't quite get it at first, though. She wanted to read me the long, boring "fine print" about the card that the man did 23 ½ hours before. As I explained to her: If my vital statistics haven't changed since last night, why should I assume your rules have?

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