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21 OCT 04: OLD YELLOW

It landed on the porch while I was out - and it came in a distinctive yellow wrapper. But thankfully, it was NOT a Georgia Tech basketball guide to remind me of Kansas's terrible loss last March....

The 2004-05 edition of the BellSouth Columbus phone book is out - or as the phone company loves to call it on the cover, "The REAL Yellow Pages." It's simply not politically correct for a utility to identify something as white.

As always, the new phone book is a real page-turner. But I guess I'm getting old - because I still haven't bothered turning to the page with my name on it, to see if it's spelled correctly.

Before you even reach the official white pages, there are the "Community Information Pages." Among other things, it reminds you that Columbus may be in the only divided area code in the country. Metro Atlanta chops the 706 area code in two - which I think is a subtle reminder to buy baseball tickets.

The Community Information Pages are always notable for what's included - and what is not:

+ The "Information Sources" column lists two Chambers of Commerce and the Convention and Visitors Bureau - but has absolutely no newspapers or TV stations.

+ The "Attractions" section lists the Phenix City Riverwalk as eight-tenths of a mile long. Then I've been cheating myself on my running log - because Peggy Martin was Mayor when it opened, and she called it a half-mile long.

+ The "Sports" section mentions the Columbus Wardogs - so the former arena football team didn't drop hints to anybody.

BellSouth added local maps to the Community Information Pages several years ago - but c'mon! Only three pages of maps, with NO Fort Benning or J.R. Allen Parkway? These must have been drawn by the Columbus South Revitalization Task Force.

I compared old and new phone books, and this year's Columbus White Pages have eight more pages of listings. Either that's a sign of local growth, or more companies are buying those "logo listings" which I consider cheating.

The last name in the white pages hasn't changed in several years - Irvin Zyskind, who lives on Cedar Avenue. In other countries, they have a very sporting tradition about this sort of thing. Since he's listed last, Zyskind should be given a wooden spoon.

One of my bigger complaints about the Columbus phone book continues this year. The listings for outlying cities are in no order at all. Can't BellSouth do it in alphabetical order - with Greenville in front of LaGrange?

At last we come to the Yellow Pages BellSouth emphasizes so much - because it makes so much money off the ads. This year's score: 53 pages for attorneys, 14 pages for churches. Is this REALLY a good thing?

The Columbus Yellow Pages is 70 pages larger than last year. I suppose that's a sign of a growing economy - either that or a lot of professionals and business people with big egos.

By the way, have you noticed the Columbus area has a zoo now? The Yellow Pages lists Pine Mountain Wild Animal Park under "Zoos." Until I see monkeys swinging in the trees, I'm going to be skeptical....

E-MAIL UPDATE: Uh-oh - I fouled up with something I wrote last weekend [16 Oct]. But we'll let this writer do the talking:

First I would like to tell you that there are not "women" running for superior court clerk, rather one woman, the incumbent Linda Pierce, and her opposition, a man, Robert "Bob" Borel. Is that your sexist opinion coming through in your blog, that a "woman" has to hold the position of clerk? If you're going to report on local politics, try to be more politically savvy.

After reading your blog, I contacted a friend of mine who is a member of the FOP, and you are correct in saying that the FOP has only endorsed one candidate in the November election. The FOP is endorsing Gray Conger after a vote by the general membership favored Gray over his opponent. This vote was taken after BOTH candidates spoke at an earlier forum at the FOP lodge. The lodge asked the membership to vote to endorse either Conger or Whitaker or none at all. Please also note that the FOP endorsed Bobby Peters for Superior Court judge at the same forum that the DA was endorsed. The public was invited to both political forums via radio and television. My friend also wanted to note that the FOP does not "shop" for candidates to endorse. The only time that the FOP will consider endorsing a candidate is when they are contacted and asked to do so, and will only make the
endorsement after both candidates have had a chance to verbalize their platform to the membership and a vote is taken.

You also said that you are not on Randy Robertson's Fraternal Order of Police mailing list. This mailing list does not belong to Randy Robertson, but rather the FOP general membership. Randy Robertson is an elected official of the FOP and simply represents the general consensus of the membership. The FOP mailing list is sent to all active FOP members. If you are not a member but are interested in receiving the FOP newsletter, the FOP offers an associate membership to those citizens that are not in Law Enforcement, but wish to be a part of that organization. All of this information is available on the FOP Karl F. Eidam Lodge 9 website, www.fop9.net.

The writer is right - there IS a man running for Superior Court Clerk. My apologies to Bob Borel. But hold on here - why IS a man running for this job? After voting out Judge Roxann Daniel, do men want to control EVERY office in the
court system?

I didn't mean to be sexist, really. Over the years, I've met County Clerks who were males. But that was 20 years ago in Oklahoma, in a place with a female District Attorney. Where is THAT in Columbus today? There's a "Gray," but no gray
pantsuit.

It's comforting to know the Fraternal Order of Police does not "shop" for candidates to endorse. After all, that event in December is called "Shop WITH a Cop" - not "Shop FOR a Cop."

Oh yes: as for my not being "politically savvy" - hey, at least I'm smart enough not to run for office.

Now if you'll excuse me - where did I stash my red socks? Thank you Stein Mart, for being the only place in Columbus which seems to sell them.

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© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.