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26 OCT 04: ZELL YOURSELF

Which U.S. Senate candidate's campaign called Columbus in advance, asking if a makeup artist could be provided for a televised debate? Here's a hint: it was NOT the Democrat....

A Columbus debate among the three Georgia U.S. Senate candidates was telecast Monday evening. It was incredibly confusing to watch - because there was Democrat Denise Majette on the right side of the screen, and Libertarian Allen Buckley on the left.

I'm hearing Republican Johnny Isakson's campaign asked in advance for the desk to be clean for the Columbus debate. Staff members reportedly claim Denise Majette has taken inch-thick notebooks to debates, and turned to pages on specific issues. Well, at least you can show her what she promised years later.

But back to makeup: Johnny Isakson's staff apparently didn't realize Columbus TV stations don't have staff makeup artists. Well, at least I don't THINK they do -- but Rozelle sure looked good when she made that recent comeback.

Saddened by the discovery of a lack of makeup artists, I'm told the Johnny Isakson campaign asked if there was a local makeup specialist that Columbus debate organizers could recommend. So if you saw the Republican sitting at a counter at Dillard's Sunday afternoon, it was NOT a ploy for female voters.

With those preliminaries out of the way, the Senate debate was taped Sunday night and telecast Monday. Libertarian Allen Buckley started things off, saying he was the candidate with a plan to "live for today and tomorrow." So? What about that new DVD movie, "The Day AFTER Tomorrow?"

Allen Buckley says he's committed to "kill every terrorist, wherever they may be." If he's like the country's most famous Libertarian, Atlanta talk show host Neal Boortz, we may find Navy SEALS at some Columbus mobile home parks.

Allen Buckley says his platform will let the U.S. "go on indefinitely." In other words, he'd filibuster in the Senate against anything he doesn't like....

But of course, Allan Buckley was a sideshow to the debate's main event. Johnny Isakson and Denise Majette disagreed on prescription drug coverage, education, military spending - well, there's probably one area where they agree. They'd oppose Zell Miller's proposal to have the states appoint all Senators again.

Denise Majette said a proposed 23-percent national sales tax would leave 80 percent of Georgians paying more tax overall. I think that means 80 percent of Georgians are so poor, they don't pay much income tax now.

Denise Majette accused her main opponent of voting against "fully funding Head Start." So what's wrong with that? Doesn't that mean everyone starts equally?

Denise Majette said it's a shame that veterans today have to wait six months to get an appointment at a V.A. medical center. Tell me about it! I used to have a health plan where months of waiting for a physical was routine -- and I shuddered to think how long the wait would be if I became ill.

Denise Majette also promoted her proposal to have a national "lottery for education." Whenever I hear this phrase come up, I wonder if any of the lottery money goes to courses in statistics and probability - to teach how absurd are the chances of winning lotteries.

Rep. Majette says a national lottery would show our country is committed to education. Yet the question is HOW committed it would be. Would children learn to count to 49 on a lottery ticket, or 54?

Johnny Isakson opposes a national lottery for education. He says the idea never came to a vote in the U.S. House because he doesn't want to hinder the HOPE Scholarship in Georgia. Many college students do a good job of that now, by not
keeping up their grades.

Johnny Isakson says while the money from Georgia's lottery is committed to education, money from a national lottery might not be. For one thing, there's that big deficit Republicans have run up the last few years....

In his closing statement, Johnny Isakson warned TV viewers: "In political campaigns, people can say anything." I suppose that means we shouldn't trust the ordinary people in his campaign commercials.

Rep. Isakson went on to promise if he's elected to the U.S. Senate, he'll give the job "150-percent effort." As I said, there's that deficit mindset among Republicans....

Johnny Isakson closed his comments by saying: "I'm your employer, and this is our country." So who are all the donors to the campaigns -- so many sponsors on a politician's race car?

There was one more issue Denise Majette apparently wanted to bring up at the debate, but could not. Her new campaign ad accuses Johnny Isakson of making an $800,000 profit, after buying cheap lakefront property from Georgia Power. Imagine how much more he could have made, had rain from hurricanes not refilled the lake.

A friend of mine calls the new Denise Majette ad misleading. He says anyone can lease a lakefront lot from Georgia Power - and while the utility owns the land forever, you can build on it and sell what you build. Is this why I've never seen any homes two blocks down the street from Lake Harding?

I'd tell you more about the Senate debate, but a group of people around me kept talking over the sound as I watched Monday's telecast. Some of their comments were revealing, in and of themselves:

+ "I don't care about the Canadians, eh?" Either this guy was talking about prescription drugs, or Day 13 of a pro hockey lockout.

+ "She has gained weight.... a little chubby around the jaws." Maybe if Denise Majette ate from china plates instead of the paper ones she prefers in commercials, this problem wouldn't have happened.

+ "Johnny's so smooth.... he ought to be; he's been at it for 100 years." Oh, so THAT explains the phone call about makeup.

+ "I thought Denise Majette was nervous." That's easy to understand. If the polls are right, she'll be out of work in a few weeks.

Now let's check other fun and games from Monday:

+ Early voting began in Muscogee County, and about 1,000 people showed up at the Government Center. Some of them no doubt remembered each other from two weeks ago, when they lined up for flu shots.

+ Speaking of which: flu shots arrived at the Russell County Health Department for distribution beginning today. No big crowds were waiting for the vaccines to arrive - so apparently older people don't want to recreate their swooning over Frank Sinatra years ago.

+ The Columbus Fraternal Order of Police made another endorsement, backing Bob Borel for Superior Court Clerk. That way, all the elected judicial officials can go on deer-hunting retreats together - without feeling guilt pangs and stopping at a
shopping mall on the way home.

+ The Lee County Commission unanimously rejected a proposal to accept Atlanta trash at the Salem landfill. After all, how many jerseys of former Atlanta Hawks players can this place hold?

+ The Columbus Cottonmouths opened training camp - only four days before their first game of the hockey season. Why, some players might not be over calling the coach "Garber" by then.

+ Instant Message to WCGT-TV 16: Why did your Monday night high school football "game of the week" show Auburn at Smiths Station for the second week in a row? Was last Friday your bye week? Or wasn't the wind blowing the low-power station signal the right direction last Monday?

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