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15 OCT 04: IT'S FROGGY IN HERE

At first I thought it was a cute sticker, like a child would put on an envelope. But no -- there on the couch next to my work desk sat a tiny green frog. It could NOT have been a wild dream, because the frog didn't start singing about the WB Network.

It wasn't really a tadpole near my computer the other night, because it didn't have a tail. This was a "mini-frog," sitting no larger than a quarter on the couch. It didn't make a sound - sitting there like the bump on the log it's probably supposed to be.

How did this little green frog get into my apartment - much less onto my computer room couch? I can think of a couple of possibilities. My bathtub faucet is leaking more than ever - but I haven't found any lilypad there for the frog to jump on.

The more likely "point of entry" for this frog was the computer room window. It's open a lot more on these cooler October days, but the window screen hasn't been on securely since I moved in seven years ago. The fix-up crew painted a lot earlier this year -- but maybe a paint can should have fallen through the window sill.

So what would YOU do if you found a small frog in your house? I refused to panic, since the frog didn't jump in my direction. But it didn't feel right doing what I've done so often with cockroaches -- since that might leave a green stain against the wall.

I reached for a piece of paper, hoping the small frog would jump on it and I could dump out the window. But the frog refused to cooperate, jumping into hiding between my desk and the wall. Maybe it's a French frog, which didn't understand my English.

Deciding the paper wouldn't work, I reached next for a couple of plastic cups. When the frog returned to a place on the couch, I tried to get it to jump in a cup -- but the frog jumped into hiding again. It must take months to train these creatures for the Festival at South Commons.

By the way, this little frog was a big jumper. At one point it leaped higher than my desk - or close to three feet off the ground. But maybe I shouldn't be stunned by this. Spud Webb once won an All-Star slam dunk contest, while Shaquille O'Neal never has.

This was becoming quite distracting and a bit annoying, so I changed my cup strategy. Next time the frog was perched along the edge of the couch, I decided to attempt a cover-up with the cup. We'd see once and for all if frogs are faster than mosquitos, in eluding these traps.

Slowly I moved the cup above the frog. And surprisingly, the first cover-up worked! Now it was trapped -- and for a young frog, it had enough smarts NOT to try to jump and bonk its head.

Then came step two of this risky plan. I turned the first cup over slightly and put second matching plastic cup inside it. The fit was so tight, no frog could get out -- but the plastic was so thick, I couldn't tell if the frog had tricked me and was hiding behind my back.

I carried the two stacked cups to the front door of my apartment, and shook the contents out on the porch the way some people would roll dice in Biloxi. Yes, the frog was inside -- and it seemed to land on its, uh, feet. It wasn't hurt. It hopped away. And I left the computer room window barely cracked open the rest of the night.

It's a good thing I didn't walk those cups a few blocks to the Chattahoochee River. The Georgia Public Interest Research Group warned Thursday parts of the river and several local lakes have increased amounts of mercury in them. So dropping a frog in them now might bring an animal rights protest.

Georgia PIRG blames the higher level of mercury in Lake Oliver and Lake Harding on coal-fired power plants. Yet WRBL pointed out Georgia has NO such plants! Did the "Help the Hooch" drive last weekend find any collections of
thermometers?

COMING SOON: One man's dream of owning a Columbus TV station.... and we might actually talk about our vacation....

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