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for 23 JUL 04: WHERE'S THE MARSHALL?

Columbus Police have arrested a man on charges of impersonating a U.S. Marshal. Johnathan Brown reportedly went into nightclubs with a toy badge and gun. People like this should be somewhere else - like teaching four-year-olds how to do this at the Growing Room.

I've spent the last couple of days looking for another Marshal - only with a different spelling. I'm hearing WRBL fired morning news anchor Dave Marshall this week. He came to Columbus as "Dr. Dave" - but apparently this town only has room for one, and he's on Rooster 106-FM.

Several sources indicate Dave Marshall was fired because of one of his "Problem Solvers" investigations. It reportedly made a local realtor upset, and that realtor threatened to pull commercials off WRBL. No matter what business you're in, the most important thing to have "on your side" is money.

Dave Marshall's name and picture are off the Internet area for "News 3 This Morning" - but if you do a Google search for his name, you still can find his biography. The folks at WRBL.com so far are nice enough not to draw a funny toupee on his head.

Dave Marshall came to Columbus only two months ago, from Baltimore. Perhaps he's learned in this city, "crabs" are not something you eat - sometimes they're the people you want to do news stories about.

(There's one place where Dave Marshall might be hiding, which I haven't checked yet. An Atlanta radio station changed its name this week to "Dave-FM.")

Speaking of departures: Thursday night's Catfish radio broadcast may have marked the last local broadcast appearance for Justin Cazana. He's moving to Knoxville, to work with University of Tennessee sportscasts. Cazana is a true public servant, to take such a "Volunteer" position....

If you listened carefully to the Savannah-Columbus game, it sounded like Justin Cazana was giving the city a fond farewell. He talked about working with Mark Littleton years ago on RedStixx games. He discussed local baseball history. And I actually thought he might bring out the general manager who ran away last summer.

Justin Cazana made a special one-night appearance on WDAK Radio because regular Catfish announcer Nathan Rayner was with the special telecast on the CSS channel. For a Thirsty Thursday game, the letters stood for "Columbus-Savannah --
Sauced."

Now that we've taken care of media stars, let's see what else is going on as the week ends:

+ Fort Benning called a news conference for today, apparently to announce when the Third Brigade will return to Iraq. Now that's a creative way to get those eight businesses off the banned list

+ Susan Massey says she woke up at her Columbus home to find at least 50 campaign signs stuck in her front yard. And Massey says she's NOT involved in local politics! OK, who got the address for Bobby Peters's house wrong?

(Susan Massey considers all the campaign signs in her yard a funny "practical joke." Wait until the telemarketers hear about this - and they all line up to call her during dinner.)

+ Directors of the Ironworks Trade Center showed off its finished renovations. The directors said the average tourist spends at least $167 a day in Columbus - and that probably doesn't count what male tourists spend on Victory Drive.

(Doesn't that number seem a bit high - $167 a day spent by tourists? I knew fuel prices were up, but are that many people driving here in tractor-trailers?)

+ Instant Message to the Columbus Public Works Department: You still have four large sewer pipes on the grass and sidewalk along Fourth Street, weeks after you finished working on First Avenue. Can I go ahead and take one for a souvenir?

SONG OF THE DAY: Justin Cazana worked in TV sports when I first came to Columbus seven years ago - and I quickly developed a theme song for him, to the hymn "Just As I Am":

Justin Cazana has the sports.

He'll bring you all the late reports

About baseball, football - guys in shorts.

The sportscast, it will come.... will come.

Who won the ball game late last night?

Did two hockey players get in a fight?

Did a coach tell someone, "Go fly a kite?"

His sportscast, it will come.... will come.

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© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.