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14 JUL 04: GIVE 'EM THE HOOK

While many baseball fans watched the Major League All-Star Game Tuesday night, I sat at home stunned - yes, STUNNED! It's all because the Columbus Catfish openly are hiring a new mascot. We're waiting to hear which fish market
is processing the old one.

The Columbus Catfish sent out a news release Tuesday announcing they're looking for someone to fill the role of "Hook" the mascot. So what happened to the person who had that job?

+ Did he miss some games - and play Hook-ey?

+ Was it last year's General Manager in disguise -- and he decided to flee town again?

+ Did he take too many one-dollar beers from fans, on Thirsty Thursday?

+ Did Fort Benning somehow ban all mascots from Coach's Corner, too?

It's probably not easy being "Hook" the mascot at this time of year. Even though the Catfish play 7:00 p.m. home games, that outfit must be hot and steamy to wear - although I'm not sure if this makes the Catfish mascot grilled, broiled or oven-roasted.

(And another thing: which member of Catfish management decided to name this mascot "Hook" in the first place? That was probably the lamest movie Julia Roberts ever made.)

If you want to apply for the job of "Hook" the mascot, there are some things to keep in mind. For instance: you can't slap the umpire with a pie to the face - but Quizno's Subs are OK, because that's an official Catfish sponsor.

If you've been to Golden Park, you know "Hook" races a child around the bases at every Catfish game - and even though the mascot has a one or two-base head start, he always seems to lose. So if you take this job, you might want to join the pitchers on the treadmill once in awhile.

(And let's see - if I remember the mascot's outfit correctly, "Hook" can only give the fans a high-four.)

The timing of this mascot opening is rather awkward. Even though Tuesday was an off day, the Catfish are in the middle of their season. Besides this, several political candidates won't know until next Tuesday if they need the income....

THE BIG BLOG QUESTION on the Superior Court Judge race wrapped up Tuesday night - and after eight days of voting, it finished this way: Bobby Peters gained 11 votes. Roxann Daniel gained nine votes. And the two who chose "none of the above" might be the wisest of all.

Bobby Peters gained 50 percent of the votes in our question, while Roxann Daniel received 41 percent. BUT I must quickly point out this was NOT a scientific survey. For one thing, I never put on goggles once....

(If this race winds up close, I hope I don't get blamed for the outcome. Let the record show I never claimed the Big Blog Question was the same as "advance voting" downtown.)

Two new Bobby Peters TV commercials appeared Tuesday night - but did you read the fine print at the end? Ex-wife Susan Peters is NOT listed, but campaign Treasurer Mark Callahan is. Maybe this is a subtle hint to Roxann Daniel, to fire
HER Treasurer.

One noteworthy word in the new Bobby Peters commercials is "temperament." He supposedly has it, while Roxann Daniel does not. But hold on here - does this mean one of these candidates is "temperamental?"

If you REALLY want a negative judicial campaign, watch the Georgia Supreme Court commercials. Justice Leah Sears unveiled an ad Tuesday claiming opponent Grant Brantley lied about being nominated for a federal judgeship. Bobby Peters
leaves that sort of finger-pointing to his friends.

(By the way, didn't she used to be Justice Leah Sears-Collins? Did focus groups declare hyphenated names out - or does Grant Brantley have his own attack ad coming?)

Then there's the new Johnny Isakson Senate TV commercial - in which the Republican he's helped Democrat Zell Miller! What are we going to have next? Will Denise Majette show off an autographed picture of Ronald Reagan?

And Instant Message to Congressional candidate Lynn Westmoreland: About that ad calling yourself "the conservative you know" - well, since you're from metro Atlanta, no I DON'T know you.

Meanwhile, Georgia Secretary of State Cathy Cox predicted Tuesday 30 percent of eligible voters will mark ballots in the primary. So if some people seem to avoid candidates like the plague over the next few days, remember - they're the majority.

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© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.