27 JAN 09: Store This Away
It had been a long time since I'd heard about the Fort Benning "off-limits" list. In fact, I don't recall anything being added while General Walter Wojdakowski was commander. Maybe the general was a closet liberal, like General Paul Eaton is turning out to be....
But Monday, Fort Benning issued an updated list of places and businesses which are off-limits to soldiers. The list is relatively short, has only three locations in the Columbus area - and it shows how times are changing in the Army, as no clubs known for nude dancers are listed at all.
One new location on the "Benning ban" list puzzled me. It's "Able 2 Stor" Self Storage on Victory Drive. Could the generals really be upset with a business that can't spell its name correctly?
A Google search for the business's name gave no clue about why Able 2 Stor was put on Fort Benning's list. And the Columbus Better Business Bureau has no listing for the storage business at all. So what's the problem here? Did some boxes with papers on base realignment get wet, when a unit leaked during a storm?
Your blog called the listed phone number for Able 2 Stor Monday afternoon seeking a comment, but our message was not returned by post time. Either this business is hiding something, or it's already shut down and pawned the belongings of soldiers somewhere else on Victory Drive.
Only one nightclub remains on the new Benning ban list: the Majestic Club on Cusseta Road. You may remember it better as the Boom Boom Room - a notorious name which has been restored recently by the women in the Fireworks Outlet commercials.
The old Boom Boom Room was known for police calls and gunfire in the parking lot. I haven't heard about that much crime recently at the Majestic Club. But with a name like "Majestic," I also haven't heard of any senior proms being held there.
The other off-limits location actually is rather wide - the area around the 13th Street Bridge. You wondered why the Bradley Theatre and Tedi's SweeTreats are shut down, didn't you?
No wait - this ban involves the Chattahoochee River UNDER the 13th Street Bridge, as well as the riverbanks on either side. This actually took effect four years ago, after a Fort Benning soldier went fishing on rocks in the middle of the river and drowned [2 Jun 05]. Save the rock climbing for somewhere safer - like the wall of a gym, or the Afghan countryside.
Four other out-of-state businesses remain on the Fort Benning off-limits list. One is the "3 Hebrew Boys," a South Carolina investment group charged with dozens of mail fraud counts. If they stay on the list much longer, the suspects could call rename themselves "Boys 2 Men."
The off-limits list at Fort Benning seems to make a difference. We reviewed the original list from five years ago [30 Jun 04], and found practically every business mentioned either has closed or been resold. And people still claim our Army is weak, and has lost its clout....
-> We went to TWO local poker tournaments last past week. One turned out much better than the other. Read about it at our other blog, "On the Flop!" <--
E-MAIL UPDATE: Uh-oh, here we go again - the humor blogger is being asked to play crime reporter. And it's thanks to a public servant who's now out of office. He wrote us first on Friday....
"Sir" Richard:
I cannot resist! I toooold them so! When Tap dancin' Tapley ran for mayor and made all those promises;I predicted that things would disinigrate even further than in the past. Yes! I Tooold them so!
I based my assumption on my experiences with the old rascal when he was Municipal Court Magistrate. His admitted policy of "outcrooking them" carries over into his actions today.The one thing that disturbs me most, is his handling of the police department. It is no secret that we had a series of renegades toting badges here in "Hurt'sboro. It's also well known, that we relied on Russell County to respond when a crime occured. The system worked fairly well - 911 calls were answered directly by the Russell County sheriff and our local yokels were bypassed. Now the calls are directed to our "Chief" if he can be found. This gives the wrongdoers plenty of time to go on the lam!
I wrote to you a few days ago about a break-in that was interupted by a citizen. Now another incident has occured. A local convenience store fell victim to an armed robbery last night. Two masked men with pistols walked in grabbed the cash register and left. No police officer in sight!
Several months ago our grocery store closed, because the owner had nearly been gunned down on two occasions. It has reopened since, under new management,and unless adequate law enforcment is provided there is always the danger of more gunfire in their parking lot.
The bank is another example. In the past,I stood guard at closing time and until the bank employees were safely off the property. Now, the "Chieff" has assumed that duty at leasr part of the time!
I hope that some sense of reason will prevail soon; and that the Russell County Sheriff can take over the town. I hope that this happens before someone gets killed and can only say "I Tooold you so.!"
Constable R.J. Schweiger???
We never received the first e-mail about a Hurtsboro break-in. We even checked our bulk mail file -- unless we missed it, and Robert Schweiger is selling "Slim Easy Shakes" now.
But is Robert Schweiger suggesting Hurtsboro police officers should be on duty at convenience stores all night long? What if a criminal decides to do that break-in three blocks away? There ARE trees in Hurtsboro, which can block an officer's view....
There clearly "is always the danger" of more gunfire in Hurtsboro parking lots. But the only way to avoid that danger is to put law officers in EVERY parking lot. But not even 100 new Columbus police officers will accomplish that. Maybe someone needs to come to our area, offering a bulk discount for installing security cameras on every street light.
Robert Schweiger wrote us again on Sunday, with more crime news:
"Sir" Richard:
The bandito's have struck again! There were two home invasions Saturday night, with the usual result - the bad guys are unidentified and still at large!
Hmmm, now lets see. I think that totals four incidents within the week. Jot that down on your police blotter and I will let you know if "Andy" Baxley and "Barny" Pinto ever figure out where to be (other than in hiding) so they can nab these hoodlums.
Checking on Town Hall; I find that Tap Dancin' Tapley has finally had one of the inoperable police cars taken in for repair. It now sits beside the Town truck (over $2,000.00 in parts and labor) which is still being renovated.
I understand the squad car's engine has been removed and they are tossing a coin to see if it needs a new motor. My! My! how the Shekels are flowing! It's all part of our Tap-Dancin' mayor's stimulus plan.and Bubba Dozier appreciates the business.
While we are on the subject of stimulus plans; I'm being told that the old Tap Dancer is relying on a million dollar bail out ala Oboma. Talk about "pie in the sky!" Next we will be hearing that, "He's traveling to Washington DC in his private jet - to appear before Congress!
It could only happen in "Hurt'sboro!
Constable R.J. Schweiger???
We tried to contact the Hurtsboro Police to confirm these crime reports, but all we could do was leave voice-mail messages. Perhaps Chief Jim Baxley is in that police training program - or in a hospital for rest, after completing all the exercises.
Hurtsboro Town Clerk Kimberly Key has talked with us before, so we called her at City Hall Monday. She admitted several crimes had occurred recently -- but Key said the number of home invasions is something "we keep confidential." Either city officials are trying to avoid a public panic, or a guessing game is coming up to win a turkey.
We also felt compelled to ask the Hurtsboro Town Clerk about the latest "snail mail" from the mysterious Russell C. Ounti. He wrote us claiming Kimberly Key, her mother and maternal grandmother all "have had problems requiring medication." So?! For all I knew, they could have been taking arthritis pills.
Kimberly Key admitted she took some medicine for "post-partum depression" after having her daughter - but she's now feeling "ten times better." So if Russell C. Ounti prefers she use herbal supplements, he should tell us which ones he recommends.
As far as we know, the mother and grandmother are NOT public officials in Hurtsboro -- so we're going to respect their medical privacy and NOT post that information here. Mr. Ounti should send those things to a more appropriate news source. I believe the National Enquirer is still located in Lantana, Florida
Kimberly Key seems 100-percent sure of whom Russell C. Ounti is. She thinks it's Robert Schweiger, and she hinted she plans to do something about the messages about her. Can using a "pen name" get you put in the Alabama pen?
But anyway: if Hurtsboro city officials are keeping quiet about crime, how did Robert Schweiger get all these scoops? Does this explain the question marks after his name? He's not in the Constable's office anymore. But it doesn't look like he's been hired to write stories for "The Citizen of East Alabama."
We've been very busy for a couple of days, so we need to catch up on plenty of news:
+ The evening news reported President Obama's stimulus proposal would provide about $30 million to Muscogee County schools. But the money would be used to convert schools to solar energy. Hopefully the portables needed due to base realignment will be made like greenhouses.
+ Aflac's stock dropped another 20 percent in value, closing below 20 dollars a share for the first time in nine years. Several market analysts remain concerned about the company holding "hybrid securities." I thought Aflac was sponsoring a NASCAR driver this season, not some college student with a solar panel.
+ Six SOA Watch protesters appeared in federal court, for trespassing onto Fort Benning last November. Five of the six will spend two months in prison. The sixth will spend six months under house arrest - and perhaps be required to recite his lengthy court statement over and over again before a mirror.
+ Toomer's Corner in Auburn was covered with toilet paper, after the Lady Tigers' big Sunday win over Tennessee. More than 12,000 fans filled Beard-Eaves Memorial Coliseum - which I think tops some crowds for commencement day in May.
+ Mike Gottfried resigned as Alabama men's basketball coach. The Crimson Tide is 12-7, the same as Auburn -- so Gottfried found a way to out-wimp Tommy Tuberville.
+ Instant Message to Dr. Susan Andrews: What's this I'm hearing about you being unavailable for interviews until you become Muscogee County Superintendent next week? Didn't I hear you on WDAK radio LAST week? Did that line about "knowing where to sit on the bus" bring a protest from African-American board members?
COMING SOON: An e-mailer wants us to name names.... but should we?....
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