1 JAN 09: Award Leader '09

We welcome you to 2009 -- and for the first time in many years, I feel comfortable in wishing you a "Blessed New Year." I heard my pastor say it at church last weekend. And that's news, considering our church movement goes by a Biblical calendar which begins the year in the spring. Maybe the warm December weather confused him for a moment.

It's time again for the earlier awards show of the year in Columbus, if not the world. THE BURKARD AWARDS honor some of the most outstanding or unusual people and things of this past year. But because the economy is tight, all winners are encouraged to copy and paste the text of their awards onto their own Microsoft Word document for printout.

We're watching pennies so closely that we won't even ruin good envelopes by sealing and opening them. Instead, we'll simply list the winners. And this year's award winners are....

+ Most salvageable person in Columbus: Fire Chief Jeff Meyer. I didn't hear Mayor Jim Wetherington pin that label on anyone else.

+ Biggest political gambler: Outgoing Sheriff Ralph Johnson, for daring to hold a public forum on the Kenneth Walker case nine days before the election. He took the dare, but lost to Darr.

+ Most ridiculous political rumor: The claims in Harris County that Sheriff Mike Jolley had been indicted, arrested, and even removed from office by the governor. He somehow won re-election, anyway.

+ Scariest economic rumor: The talk about Peachtree Mall's future. Just because Eddie Bauer is closing does NOT mean all the other stores are.

+ Most surprising economic transaction: Georgia NAACP President Edward DuBose, for buying a car at Rob Doll Nissan. Now that Emanuel Jones owns Legacy Chevrolet, that probably will never happen again.

+ Biggest economic curiosity: The new CVS pharmacy building on Macon Road. It's appeared ready for use since September, yet still hasn't opened. Does Cross Country Plaza only allow one store to go out of business at a time?

+ Most persecuted preacher: Bill Purvis of Cascade Hills Church. Those uniformed off-duty police officers are outside the worship center for good reason.

+ Top Cascade Hills Church wanna-be: Rivertown Church. It has a "worship band," which never showed up on Saturday nights. Then its Saturday night service was canceled. Now it actually plans to start a Wednesday night Bible study.

+ Most suspicious TV commercial: Attorney Ken Nugent - for the one where a woman who lives "right here in Columbus" says she had a wreck on "Veterans Highway." Shouldn't she know it's a parkway?

+ Hottest TV news reporter: WRBL's Ashley Ball. When a single guy asks you out on your first day in Columbus, that should settle it. And when it happens in the checkout line of a supermarket, that REALLY settles it.

+ Best new radio station: A tie between WTMQ-FM "Tropical 88.5" and WBOJ-FM "103.7 The Truth." One has more danceable music, but the other has better words.

+ Loudest car commercials on radio: Kia Autosport. Which Bill Heard staff member was hired, to make this possible?

+ Strangest item on sale inside Peachtree Mall: "Dame Edna" cosmetics at Dillard's. Last time I checked, Dame Edna was a female impersonator.

+ Most surprising change in traffic planning: The removal of stop lights at Ninth Street and Front Avenue. I hope downtown partygoers and conventioneers didn't take them home as souvenirs.

+ Slowest-moving political organization: The Muscogee County School Board. If Tommy Tuberville had resigned in Columbus, he might not have been replaced until next September.

+ Biggest political loser: Robert Schweiger. He was last in a three-way race for Russell County Commissioner. He lost a write-in campaign to remain Constable. His effort to dissolve Hurtsboro was rejected by a judge. In fact, about his only wins during 2008 came in Big Blog Questions.

+ Most showboating by a regional politician: Alabama Attorney General Troy King. He plans to investigate an Alabama football player's contacts with an agent. So why doesn't he investigate what really happened to Tommy Tuberville?

+ Best example of how political seasons are too long: Mark LaJoye. He's already started his 2012 campaign for Muscogee County Sheriff. Not even Sarah Palin has gone to this extreme.

+ Saddest downsizing: The Columbus Ledger-Enquirer. I won't be surprised if Monday editions disappear in 2009 - and without Monday Mail, what will Tim Chitwood do?

+ Teacher most likely to win a Rotten Apple Award: Dr. Vontrice Robinson. If there's any justice, "apple" would be spelled with one P.

+ Comeback of the year: Bear O'Brian. He came back to Columbus radio from Montgomery, after all.

+ Coach of the year: Dell McGee. Did anyone really expect Carver High School to make the state semifinals in football again -- in 20 years, much less one?

+ Coach whose job is most in jeopardy: Doug Branson. Columbus State University men's basketball is off to such a slow start, the rifle team might be assembled early to provide some "inspiration."

+ Best blog competition: Richard Hyatt's Columbus. And unlike the other blogs in this area, he actually is trying to compete with us.

+ Beggar of the year: We tied the 2007 count in 2008 with 12. We give the award to the man who walked home with us from a convenience store in April for a microwave meal and juice. Neighbors chased the man away, then he called police claiming someone had pointed a gun at him. Maybe that's what led to the narcotics raid at my apartment complex two months later.

+ Joke of the year: We defer to the blog reader who alerted us to a poster in March, promoting the Columbus Civic Center "Monster Jam" - only Columbus was misspelled on it. Perhaps the Literacy Alliance should change its focus in 2009, and provide free "SpellCheck" software to anyone who asks.

SCHEDULED FRIDAY: One more "year in review" report, reaching us by e-mail....

The number of unique visitors to our blog increased by about 32 percent in 2008. To advertise to them, offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1,154 (+ 61, 5.6%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

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