25 JAN 09: Down and Out in Ladonia

The Saturday night run on the Riverwalk was OK, but nothing great -- 1.7 miles non-stop. Did I really eat THAT many chocolate chip cookies, while I stayed inside during the cold wave?

After the run, it was time to get dinner. This weekend's drive took me out U.S. 80 to Ladonia, which still seems to have the lowest gas prices in metro Columbus. Several stations were down to $1.67 a gallon Saturday night - although none had stooped so far as to call it a "three for five dollars" sale.

The drive led us to Quizno's Subs, and a strange sort of dinner. It started with a woman standing outside the front door, holding it open and talking to someone. We waited for her to finish - and it happened when she made a startled turn, to show her Quizno's outfit and a cigarette. Yes sir, that's smoked ham on the menu....

The woman excused herself, and let us come in - then went behind the counter to prepare sandwiches. I didn't pay close attention, to see if she washed her hands after smoking a cigarette. But the oregano added to my sandwich didn't look or taste that unusual.

Quizno's competed with Subway for awhile in the "five dollar foot-long" game, but that wasn't the case this weekend. Instead, it's promoting 20 "lower-priced" sandwiches for less than five dollars. But it also offers three sizes of sandwiches, with some of them costing more than five - and there's not even a "value menu" for home-baked cookies.

Quizno's posted a bar graph-style chart showing how long a small, regular or large sandwich is. We pulled out a business card, attempting to measure each one. This probably shows I'm NOT a real "man's man" - because that sort of man would have a tape measure in his pocket, in case he passed a hardware store on the way.

The woman who held the door open for us wound up preparing our sandwich. She saw our measuring, and offered some help. "I think the small is about 5.5 inches." Hmmmm - that's less than the Subway six-inch sandwich. The Quizno's staff must include the same people who shrank cans of tuna to five ounces.

So I settled on something small. "Turkey and cheddar, please."

"We're out of cheddar. I can do Parmesan or mozzarella." Which seemed strange, because Quizno's doesn't sell pizza. Why Subway sells small pizzas, I still don't quite understand -- but have you noticed it provoked Domino's Pizza to start selling sandwiches?

"We're also out of lettuce," the woman noted. "And we don't have any white bread." Now this was strange. An ingredient shortage on a Saturday night -- and they don't even start racing cars again at East Alabama Motor Speedway for about two months.

At least another option was on the "Deli favorites" menu, at the lowest price. "Then I'll have a small tuna melt."

The woman laughed a bit, as her jaw dropped halfway to the floor. "We're out of tuna, too." I wasn't laughing now. Instead, I was wondering if Bill Heard had moved into the restaurant business.

"What else are you out of?" I didn't want this turning into a game of 20 sandwiches, 20 questions.

"Bacon," the woman replied. That's no big loss for me - but the remaining "deli favorites" items had meats I don't eat, or were questionable. For all I knew, the "Primo Meatball" might contain lower-priced pork rinds.

The Quizno's shortage essentially forced me to a different part of the menu, with sandwich prices about a dollar higher. I settled on a "Turkey Ranch and Swiss." That's ranch as in salad dressing, not a place in Texas where the turkeys are kept....

"Would you like oregano on that?" the woman asked me.

"Yes," I said quietly. "If you have it." The woman laughed a bit. I still didn't. After all, a Winn-Dixie store for buying ingredients was only a short drive away.

The small sandwich was posted at $4.39, but then came the one nice surprise of the trip. "I'll give you a two-dollar discount, since you couldn't get what you wanted." Huh?! If I had known a markdown was coming, I would have ordered a "regular" mid-sized sandwich for a better deal.

The only other good news of the evening was that Quizno's allows you to comment online about your visit. I reported there almost everything you've read here. The survey offered to have someone from the company call me, but I turned it down. Beyond an online form with a chance to win gift cards - well: Quiz? No.

-> We went to TWO local poker tournaments this past week. One turned out much better than the other. Read about it at our other blog, "On the Flop!" <--

E-MAIL UPDATE: A reader offers more on the proposed Phenix City pay raise....

Here is something I found on the Citizen web page. It is Mark Clark's column called "It's my view." It runs each week. This guy is funny, but also telling the truth about how things work in Phenix City. I wonder why no other news media have jumped on this subject. It seems this would be a hot topic. Please withhold email address if you decide to use any of this.

Mark Clark's column of 17 January concerned the raise for Phenix City mayor and council. We wanted to read the column online last weekend, but the Citizen web site has yet to send us a confirmation for our password. The staff really doesn't have to line up advertisers for our personal IP address.

This e-mailer passed along the full text of Mark Clark's column. Without risking a copyright suit, it confirms the Phenix City mayor and council would receive salaries equivalent to the Russell County Commission. And now we know how the city will pay for it - by hiring a new low-cost police chief.

Let's see what else has been brought to our attention this weekend....

+ Which local church pastor said in the middle of a sermon that "the solution to the Palestinian problem" is for Israel to destroy all the Palestinians, since they're "vile?" If this pastor ever meets Usama bin-Laden, the clash could rival any Ultimate Fighting Championship.

+ Columbus's Chasity Hardman was named first runner-up at the Miss America pageant. Hardman's mother and father were in the audience - both of them pastors of the Impact Center on Victory Drive. What do they do in response to this result? Do they pray for the new Miss America to have a drug or sex scandal?

(Hardman competed as Miss Georgia, and lost the crown to Miss Indiana - which may only the Miss America pageant is as corny as ever.)

+ WALB-TV in Albany reported inspectors at the Peanut Corp. of America plant in Blakely found traces of salmonella in two locations. One was in a crack on the floor, which could inspire a new saying -- Food from a crack, sick right down your back.

+ Auburn stunned Arkansas in men's college basketball 73-51. The Tigers won in Fayetteville, showing folks from Alabama can smoke hogs almost anywhere.

+ Instant Message to Swain and Sons Custom Exhaust on Veterans Parkway: Please note today's date. I think it's now safe to stop showing the "Merry Christmas" sign.

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