4 JAN 09: Noisy, Not Nosy

"Wake up, you Alabama fan!" So said my next-door neighbor Saturday morning, as he walked down the complex toward someone several apartments away. He said it loud enough to wake up every apartment in between - and on a Saturday morning, even the Auburn fans might have been upset.

Since I turn off the TV for a seventh-day Sabbath, I wasn't sure what to make of my neighbor's outburst. I didn't know if Alabama had won the Sugar Bowl in a blowout Friday night, or been embarrassed. And at the two places where I attended Saturday services, worshipers were so focused on godly things that it never came up. Most Alabamians would call us the strange folks....

But I knew why my next-door neighbor had taken that loud walk. It's because the man down the walkway had visited him Friday evening. "I've got ten, says 'Bama," the faraway man declared in a loud voice of his own. He wanted the man next door to hear through the screen door - but my neighbor wasn't following his example, by blasting WKZJ-FM on his radio.

From what I could hear, my next-door neighbor did NOT take that other man up on his ten-dollar bet. But there's a larger issue here - the fact that I can hear these discussions at all. Loudness is becoming more commonplace in my apartment complex. And it's grown beyond my next-door neighbor occasionally howling like a wolf after dark on the porch.

The man who offered a ten-dollar bet decided to start 2009 in a loud way, by setting off several fireworks in the apartment complex courtyard shortly after midnight. They included a couple of artillery shells, and absolutely NO sparklers. I somewhat hoped my neighbors would make a New Year's resolution to obey the law.

Then as I ate dinner Friday night, someone in another apartment decided to set off bottle rockets. Certainly it couldn't be because Mississippi won the Cotton Bowl hours before....

When the third bottle rocket shot into the sky, I'd had enough. I called 911 and reported the illegal activity. Yes, I can hear some of you -- I should have gone to my neighbor and politely asked if he knew the Georgia fireworks laws. But going to my neighbor when my neighbor is armed with something that can disfigure my face didn't seem very wise.

The 911 dispatcher promised to send a police officer to the apartment complex, to calm things down. I don't know if the officer ever showed up, but the fireworks stopped immediately after I made the phone call. So maybe the neighbor was burning off New Year's leftovers - or he's saving the rest for Barack Obama's inauguration.

To be fair, my neighbors in the apartment complex didn't really start this upsurge in noise. The business next door to the complex did. Two weekends ago, it had a year-end party for the staff on a Friday night with a live band. It's hard to take an evening nap when people are singing "Give me three steps toward the door" within ten yards of your bedroom.

The Anglican church on the other side of the apartment complex is a very different story. The people there seem calm and not very charismatic. In fact, one member came to my door a couple of weekends ago offering me a free ham. Too bad - as I stopped eating pork years ago. A frozen turkey can keep a single guy well fed for a couple of weeks.

Oh yes - how about that Sugar Bowl game! Utah upset Alabama 31-17, finished the season with a perfect 13-0 record - and might be declared national champion by the same East Alabama newspapers which gave that title to Auburn four years ago.

-> Did we have an award-winning year at the poker table in 2008? Check the year-end review at our other blog, "On the Flop!" <--

E-MAIL UPDATE: We don't often receive acceptance speeches from Burkard Award winners, but we have a couple today. We begin with our "Biggest Political Loser"....

"HURT'SBORO 2008

"Sir" Richard:

You are indeed observant - and so correct in many ways. In reading your BLOG one cannot help but notice "Hurt'sboro mentioned over and over again; and mostly in jest! Rightly so, everything generated in Town Hall, Municipal Court, and our "Mayberry" version of a police Dept. is just a bad joke!

I readily accept the jibes you cast in my direction. To misquote Patrick Henry - "I only regret, that I have only one life to give to my adopted town!"

You are 100% correct about me being a political loser. What a compliment!I I cannot think of any field where it's better to lose than to win and become a "real" politician! Perhaps congratulations are even in order.

I noticed on the Thursday night WRBL newscast that Tommy Worthy has "roped" in another sucker. I hope the poor fellow wises up before Tommy picks his pocket as he is very capable of doing! Litigating against a Municipality is difficult if not impossable. There's immunity, time restrictions and other legal formalities to shield government from prosecution for even the most flagrant of misdeeds. Take it from someone who has been there and done that!!!

Happy New Year!

The Outgoing Constable .

Robert Schweiger hired Tommy Worthy as his attorney, in last year's attempt to dissolve the Hurtsboro city charter. This latest case involves a man who claims Phenix City Police abused him during a 2005 arrest. If this follows the example of other recent Phenix City lawsuits, the man will get a nice check and a city job.

We also heard from the "Best Example of How Political Seasons Are Too Long":

Richard,

You seem to forget that you were a two time winner last year of the Biggest Idiot Award, "keep up the good work". Lets see if you can out-do yourself this year. Mark LaJoye, Muscogee County Sheriff 2012

Oh, please - how could I possibly forget that?! But those were NOT Burkard Awards, handed out by me. They were LaJoye Awards, presented by him. But come to think of it, I don't think either of us were invited to Sheriff John Darr's inauguration.

Mark LaJoye is wasting no time taking on the new Muscogee County Sheriff - and for that matter, public safety in general. His web site's "real news" section claims top law officers "don't even talk to each other." Yet Mayor Jim Wetherington claimed the other day he talks to Police Chief Ricky Boren after every homicide. I hope that's NOT the reason why Columbus had ten of them in December....

Two of those homicides led to another message this weekend:

Can you believe the guy who showed up in Recorder's Court audience to see his brother go before the judge for murder and was arrested himself for murder?..

I wonder if this was a planned sting by Columbus detectives or just a quirk?

Good work Mr Detective another one off the streets !! This should be added to the list of dumb and dumber criminals.

While I haven't called Columbus Police about this, I suspect it's simply a case of detectives following the evidence. Police claim Xavier Cannon drove brother Dezmond to the scene of a double homicide in mid-December -- and reportedly did NOT think they were going to play flag football in the street.

But the attorney for the Cannon brothers is warning against a rush to judgment. Joseph Wiley says there's only "one person that committed murder." But in some cases, being in the car with a murderer is enough to get you charged with murder. It's a bit like being a member of Pastor Jeremiah Wright's church....

Let's take one more e-mail, which goes back to last week's list of "25 things we didn't know":

Richard, Instead of an 11 million dollar grant for the Columbus Airport to repair and expand the runways I suggest the money could be better spent by adding a special fast lane to the Atlanta Airport for Groome Transportation! Especially in view of the fact that the majority of individuals from the Columbus area who fly do so out of the Atlanta Airport. Does the Columbus Airport even make enough money to pay the utilities in that almost always empty building?

Now now - WLTZ claimed the other night that the Columbus Airport serves between 50,000 and 60,000 travelers a year. Don't those big numbers impress you? Well, as long as you don't divide the yearly total by 365 days....

Thanks to all of you who write, and now let's check other interesting things from the first weekend of 2009:

+ Which area church held a communion service - only to have the men and women break out in spontaneous hymn-singing, during the foot-washing in the lobby? At least, I assume it was spontaneous. Most choir directors don't require singers to take off their shoes during practice, and step into cold water to hit high notes.

+ The first three phone calls we received in the new year all had something in common. All three were recorded messages involving credit card debt. When the voice declares this is my "final notice," I now add a word to that - today.

+ Keep Columbus Beautiful held its annual "Bring One for the Chipper" day, recycling Christmas trees. Perhaps in a few years, Chipper Jones will be able to come down from Atlanta and personally take part in this.

+ The Auburn women's basketball team advanced to 15-0 on the season by stopping Stephen F. Austin 79-56. Something doesn't look right about this score. Shouldn't the losing team be called Stephanie?

+ The Georgia men's team lost to Missouri 83-76. The Bulldogs let this Kansas grad down - but at least the Jayhawks won over Tennessee. This gives me bragging rights over Andrew Wittenberg for at least the next two months.

+ The Atlanta Falcons were ousted from the pro football playoffs by Arizona 30-24. Did anyone seriously expect the Cardinals to win this game? The way Arizona played in recent weeks, you might have thought the team was spending time with Charles Barkley at Phoenix nightclubs.

(I went for my Saturday evening jog with headphones on, listening to the football game on WDAK. I ran about three miles during 11 minutes of third-quarter game time - and I can't tell you how thrilling it is to break the four-minute mile barrier after all these years.)

+ Instant Message to "The Shoe Dept." at Peachtree Mall: OK, I give up. I'm stumped. Why do you sell boxes of candy near the checkout of a shoe store? Do customers need something to get their minds off that "new shoe smell?"

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $1.35 a gallon at Jet-Pep, U.S. 280 and Interstate 85 in Opelika.... cheesy double beef burritos for 89 cents at Taco Bell.... and school children across Alabama facing pop quizzes, to find Utah on a map....

COMING THIS WEEK: Do I have a long-lost twin in Savannah?....

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