5 DEC 08: MOM VS. THE BOSS

Some events or news items tend to bring out the skeptic in people. It could be a coaching change in sports, a UFO sighting - or even a Clinton joining the cabinet of President-elect Obama.

So it was in Auburn and Columbus Thursday - as skeptics abounded concerning the change in Auburn University's football coach. I heard several people declare Tommy Tuberville fired, as opposed to the official term "resigned." A few even took the conspiratorial route, and made it sound like long-time Auburn Trustee Bobby Lowder watched it all from a parking lot.

The skeptics picked up a key piece of evidence Thursday. Tommy Tuberville's mother Olive told the Opelika-Auburn News her son "was fired," and did NOT resign. But before you rush to conclude a mother would never lie about her son, remember one thing - our recent items about the Frank Lumpkin III case.

Olive Tuberville spoke up as reporters went to the Tuberville home in Auburn, hoping for a comment from the former coach. How many of them privately hoped he'd say something along the lines of hockey player Sean Avery? After all, Tuberville's "firsts" in the Southeastern Conference came at Mississippi.

Alabama head coach Nick Saban seemed to put himself on the skeptics' list, regarding Tommy Tuberville. In a statement, Saban said he might be "5-7 away from the same thing." Now now, coach - I think a national championship would give you at least one year of immunity.

Auburn University officials insisted Tommy Tuberville resigned, and was NOT booted. For one thing, Wes Byrum had enough trouble this past season booting field goals....

The Auburn side of the story was spelled out at a midday news conference by Athletics Director Jay Jacobs. I had to double-check that title after seeing it on TV -- and yes, he's "Athletics" Director with an S. Perhaps he added the extra letter because he's not really that athletic.

But anyway: Jay Jacobs said he tried to talk Tommy Tuberville out of resigning Wednesday - not once, but three times. Of course, Jacobs finally realized that it's "one-two-three strikes you're out" of the old ball game.

Jay Jacobs admits Auburn University is NOT required to pay Tommy Tuberville millions of dollars to buy out his coaching contract. But he says the university will pay it as a "thank you" gift for ten years of success. If a corporate executive received a golden parachute like this right now, Congress would be outraged.

Tommy Tuberville is keeping quiet for the moment about his departure from Auburn University. Before he waits for the best coaching offer from other colleges, he could be waiting for the best offer to pay him for a tell-all interview.

Overlooked in Tommy Tuberville's resignation is the fate of his assistant coaches. Rachel Baribeau said on WEAM-AM's "In the Zone" Thursday at least one Auburn assistant heard the stunning news on a recruiting trip, while in a high school player's living room. He should have Auburn job applications stuffed in his briefcase, to offer the father at moments like this.

So who should be the next head football coach at Auburn? The speculation seemed to begin within minutes of the resignation announcement. Say what you will about the end of "mill towns" in the South - the rumor mills just keep rolling along....

The Opelika-Auburn News rushed out an instant editorial, warning Auburn cannot afford to make a bad choice. Why, of course not. Paying six million dollars to Tommy Tuberville may have drained all the reserves in the athletic department.

Alabama Governor Bob Riley even spoke up about the Auburn coaching situation. As a member of the Auburn Trustees, he says he'll offer a couple of names for consideration. Come to think of it, Republican Jay Love needs work after losing the race for Congress....

I have a couple of coaching ideas for Auburn to consider, but I won't feed the rumor pot by mentioning them here. I'll only offer this advice -- do NOT go after Kansas coach Mark Mangino. We Jayhawk alumni have come to like the guy. And besides, I'm not sure his overweight body could stand the stress of moving to the heat and humidity of Alabama.

BLOG CORRECTION: We have fixed Thursday's entry to correct the name of a former Auburn football coach. Tommy Tuberville succeeded Terry Bowden, not Tommy. The fact that no one called that error to our attention may reveal how forgettable Bowden's tenure at Auburn was.

We've been so busy with other projects this week that a couple of submissions from readers are on hold for the moment. In the meantime, here's a quick check of other Thursday items....

+ The evening news reported a Jordan High School teacher is under investigation. The unnamed female teacher may have been intimate with a student. Jordan is a "Vocational" high school - but I thought that sort of vocation was limited to Victory Drive.

+ State Senator Emanuel Jones submitted the high bid in bankruptcy court for the old Bill Heard Chevrolet. Jones hopes to reopen the dealership on Manchester Expressway within two weeks, with the new name "Legacy Chevrolet." Hopefully the legacy will NOT involve a return to those annoyingly loud radio commercials.

(WXTX "News at Ten" reported Carl Gregory submitted a bid for Bill Heard Chevrolet, but it was ruled "not qualified." This doesn't seem fair. Car dealers promise to give credit to almost every customer -- so shouldn't a bankruptcy court follow their wonderful example?)

+ WLTZ had a 6:00 p.m. newscast which was downright bizarre. First, some kind of computer error made the second section of the program appear twice, with no commercial break in between. Amazingly, anchors John Beard and Libby Allison never seemed to notice the difference.

(Then Jeremy Moss began his sports report by confessing he'd just cut himself shaving. That blood line on his chin really shows up well in high-definition.)

+ Instant Message to whomever owned Lady Nana's Restaurant on Crawford Road in Phenix City: I'm sorry to see you've closed. I will resist the temptation to sing, "Nana-Nana, hey hey hey, goodbye."

The number of unique visitors to our blog is up 32 percent from last year. To advertise to them, offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1,040 (+ 31, 3.1%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.