22 FEB 07: A DUCK WITH NO NAME

Who could have guessed it? While some of us were watching Best Buy intently for the return of BeBe the calf, rumors were starting about the possible end of the Aflac duck. And come to think of it, no one ever tracked down the old duckless signs which were atop the Aflac Tower....

The front page of Wednesday's Ledger-Enquirer made it clear - Aflac does NOT plan to abandon its duck mascot. Which means....

+ It will NOT be sent to South Texas, to go on a hunting trip with the Vice President.

+ It will NOT be traded to the National Hockey League's Anaheim Ducks, in a "mascot-for-draft choices" swap with the Cottonmouths.

+ It will NOT move to Walt Disney World, and begin training to be the eventual successor to Donald.

The duck discussion apparently began inside "Advertising Age" magazine, where an Aflac executive talked about doing different kinds of ads in the future. At one point he said people know the Aflac duck, but not what the company does. Some Republicans would argue this is how they lost the last election.

The Advertising Age interview was mentioned in the "New York Post," and that tabloid article was mentioned on "Live with Regis and Kelly." The next thing you knew, my old employer CNN Headline News was talking about the Aflac duck "flying south for the winter" - which really would have been confusing, with spring temperatures arriving.

Aflac finally had to release a statement to the Mass Media, explaining there are NO plans to drop the duck. If Aflac begins offering a public retirement savings plan, the white feathers may turn a little gray....

The questions about whether the Aflac duck's goose was cooked days were numbered brought another issue back to mind for me - one I'm amazed no one has brought up over the years. What is the Aflac duck's name? Does it even have one? You never hear it mentioned in commercials - and sports announcers haven't even given it a nickname at football games and NASCAR races.

We say it's time the best-known duck in Columbus had a real name. So today we launch a BLOG SPECIAL EVENT to give him one! If Zoo Atlanta can have a name-the-panda marathon stretching several weeks, we can have one of our own - only Aflac's creature obviously is much more important.

We are opening the cyber-floor for nominations. Write the blog with your ideas for naming the Aflac duck. Then we'll take the top candidates, and hold a Big Blog Question here to determine the winner. There could be a prize for the winning submission - assuming we can get the managers to provide with a notebook full of trivia questions.

BLOG UPDATE: A 3-2 vote by the Phenix City Council Wednesday shut down yet another night spot. Truly you can't spell "Gonzoes" without G-O-N-E....

Phenix City's Mayor and Police Chief noted officers were called to Gonzoes' Jazz and Blues Sports Bar in the Phenix Plaza shopping center 14 times last year because of trouble. If this is the shutdown standard, several convenience stores might not be around much longer....

Phenix City Councilman Ray Bush said he didn't believe Gonzoes had crossed the "threshold" yet, with enough crime and trouble to warrant a shutdown. Perhaps he's applying the "Fire House standard" - where someone actually has to be shot first.

The 3-2 vote is a defeat not only for Gonzoes' management, but Michael Soul of WFXE-FM "Foxie 105." He spoke in the sports bar's behalf at a city public hearing a few weeks ago. Don't expect any Phenix City Council candidates to play "Soul Man" at election parties next year.

The managers of Gonzoes plan to appeal the revocation of their business license. In the meantime, their "jazz and blues" sports bar can't show the Utah Jazz - but regular customers might have the blues, anyway.

What makes this vote interesting is that Gonzoes sits only a couple of blocks from where The Phenixian is planned - the grand new condominium project where several restaurants are promised. What do the developers have planned, to keep the Phenix City Police from coming after them? Will they automatically close when Russell County Court adjourns for the day?

E-MAIL UPDATE: A message was forwarded to us, reacting to last Friday's comments about the Concerned Citizens for Responsible Government in Talbot County:

Deb O's lead in (if true & not just her imagination) indicates that she is being fed by one of local officials.

I don't really know if that's true or not - but I'd guess Talbot County IS part of a Meals on Wheels program.

Now let's quickly digest other Wednesday developments:

+ Fenton Dixon resigned as Assistant Principal of Northside High School. Dixon was arrested on drunk driving charges a month ago, but never reported it to the School District as required. His reporting was even slower than the Columbus Times....

+ Columbus Mayor Jim Wetherington appeared on WRCG's "TalkLine," and joked his first 50 days in office had felt like a year. Well, he SAID it was a joke - but it's hard to see if someone's smiling by looking at a radio.

+ Retired Colonel and Medal of Honor recipient Robert Nett shared his story of World War II service on GPB. The program "Georgia Valor" noted when Nett married his wife Frances, she was an Army nurse who outranked him. Do you think she ever reminded him of this, when it was time to do the dishes?

+ The owner of El Zapata told WRBL she's closed the restaurant on Veterans Parkway, because it can't compete with all the new places around Columbus Park Crossing. We'll see if El Vaquero near J.R. Allen Parkway closes next - or whether it will change its name to "El Victorioso."

+ A federal transportation official visited Auburn University, to examine projects for improving highway safety. John Bobo told WRBL the focus at Auburn is on building "smarter roads." If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a stupid road - you know, the kind that insists on ending even though you're sure it's the right way to your destination.

+ Instant Message to Columbus Technical College: Did Kathleen Amos change the spelling of her first name when she remarried? She's shown as "Kathelen" in your commercial - and a college in a capital fund-raising drive certainly wouldn't misspell.... oh wait a minute. Do you offer English courses?

This blog had more than 28,000 visits in 2006, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 4409 (+ 115, 2.7%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-07 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.