7 FEB 07: GOOD GUYS KEEP OUT

"You drive 90 miles to come here, and then they won't let you inside the courtroom," a woman muttered Tuesday in a Russell County Courthouse hallway. That wasn't the only inconvenience. The hallway didn't have a table with magazines to read, either.

Several years ago I read a church youth magazine, which suggested one way to have cheap fun was to go to the courthouse and watch criminals get arraigned. But I'm sad to report you can't do that in Russell County. Friends and relatives were barred from Circuit Court room #1 Tuesday. So you have to believe what suspects say when they walk out - or almost as scary, trust their attorneys.

Your blog went to the Russell County Courthouse Tuesday for a "Hurtsboro Special Event." Constable Robert Schweiger was scheduled for arraignment, on two municipal charges [17 Jan]. But I couldn't get a seat in court, because only defendants were allowed in the courtroom -- and I can't believe the Constable found so many of them in Hurtsboro.

The turnout was so large for arraignment day in Russell County that only defendants were let inside for the 10:00 a.m. session. The only way outsiders could watch the court hearing was by peering through a gap in the courtroom doors, or a small hole in one door. You might say it was the people's peephole.

"It's so easy to stay out of trouble," one man told me as he looked at the large crowd in the hallway. But the man's son had not. He faced his third arraignment Tuesday, this time for possessing drugs in his apartment. "Police had nothing to do with it," the father added without my prompting - thus giving away a potential defense plan.

(That father told me he did NOT plan to join his son at any more court arraignments. Perhaps your family can learn from this -- that "three strikes, you're out" can apply to more than sentencing.)

A woman was also in the hallway, apparently waiting on her daughter's arraingnment. The woman told someone nearby the daughter seemed to be "getting the 21 out of her." I've heard of the Terrible Twos, but never the Terrible 21's.

A few people waiting outside Circuit Court #1 knew who Constable Robert Schweiger was. "He's the man with white hair," said a woman from Electra Bail Bonds. I knew she worked there because she wore a T-shirt saying so -- the closest thing I'd seen in a long time to welcoming parties at the airport.

(Another woman wore a T-shirt for an agency called "Bond, James Bond, Inc." I'm not sure which is tackier - a bail bond company with that name, or Cascade Hills Church's recent series called "Bonding with James.")

"Mr. Schweiger?" I asked politely to several older men as they walked out of the courtroom. None reacted to me - leaving me to wonder if the Constable was being saved for last, so he wouldn't get to make a scene before dozens of ordinary citizens.

(Hours later, I recalled what someone in Hurtsboro had told me about Constable Schweiger - that he's hard of hearing. But I didn't want to speak too loudly in the hallway, because too many Sheriff's Deputies were in the courtroom simply waiting for action.)

At about 11:15 the arraignment session ended, announced by a lawyer leaving the courtroom. So a few attorneys were allowed inside. There are relatives, there are friends -- and then there are people who REALLY are concerned about your well-being.

(As I thought about it, maybe I could have snuck inside Circuit Court #1 after all. I wore a tie to the arraignment, and a couple of people in the hallway treated me like I was an attorney. "Dressing for success" can make people act like you're successful, even if you really aren't.)

So what happened to Robert Schweiger? I stopped one of the attorneys leaving court to ask, and happened to come across someone who had represented the Constable in the past. What a small world - and for that matter, what a small hallway in the Russell County Courthouse to find people.

Attorney Jeremy Armstrong told me Robert Schweiger's case was continued until February 28. The Constable apparently wants to represent himself, in appealing the Hurtsboro Municipal Court convictions -- but questions arose about that. I suppose one question is whether Schweiger's dogs could be called as character witnesses.

From his experience, Jeremy Armstrong describes R.J. Schweiger as "eccentric," and a person who tries to "shake things up." Perhaps the Constable missed his calling, and should have become a chef on the Food Network....

Jeremy Armstrong told me R.J. Schweiger seems to have good intentions in Hurtsboro, but the "good old boys" don't like the way he's going about making changes. When you report a business owner to the Alabama Department of Transportation about their parking spaces, I guess that would make someone upset.

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: That U.P.S. item from Robert Schweiger finally reached us Tuesday. We'll look at what's inside on our next "Hurtsboro Monday" next week.)

E-MAIL UPDATE: Today's e-mail to the blog is entitled, "ANOTHER RADIO CONTROLED STOOGE MEETS ANOTHER LIKE HIM SELF":

it is a shame that crimes can continue in times such as these, well meaning fools contribute to the demise of that it can never understand. it destroys and mutilates that has kept it alive. Radios in human beings exist by the hands of the us military. time stands still from it's beginning to its end, it is called the presence of this one in his name that i be. Such a world of governments in allied commonality. crimes against their humanity are hid in that called impossible by the hands of their government they give their lives to. Do not harm me, I have done no injustice to man or animal but only what was forced upon life to be done.

If you can help explain this message, please contact us. We don't think it's spam, because it did NOT include a hot tip in penny stocks.

I've never met anyone who actually had a radio inside his body. But I vaguely recall seeing a man on TV who had an FM music station playing on his metal teeth. I never found out if chewing tobacco made the music change in country.

Then there's the case of Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh - who said once after his arrest that the government had stuck some kind of radio transmitter up his (ahem) derriere. If that claim was really true, I wonder why someone in Washington didn't press a button and blow him up in prison.

Now for other curiosities which passed our way Tuesday:

+ An East Alabama blog hinted some Columbus area Winn-Dixie stores may be bought out soon by - be still my heart - Kroger! To borrow from an old song: I don't care how you get here, but get here when you can.

(Meanwhile, the Opelika-Auburn News reported the Kroger store on Second Avenue in Opelika is closing. It will be replaced with a new store at the Tiger Town shopping center -- so I may never drive by the "classic Southern" stores of downtown Opelika again. You know, like Bubba's Pharmacy....)

+ On top of that, a Lee County developer announced plans to build a large new shopping center along Interstate 85 at the edge of Auburn. "West Paces Crossing" reportedly will have five department stores and more than a dozen new restaurants - and if it has a Jack-In-The-Box before Columbus does, I'm demanding an investigation.

+ Columbus Council voted 9-1 to make Columbus Day a paid city holiday. Is THAT the real reason why Uptown Jam was canceled several years ago?

+ The Chattahoochee County Commission voted to give back about $300,000 which was taken from the Sheriff's Department budget last year. You know Glenn Cooper is a tough Sheriff, when he's able to outfight an entire police department....

+ The Phenix City Council voted to cut funding for historic preservation by $70,000. So Fort Mitchell will have to grow old on its own, I guess....

+ Americus Police reported a raid on "The Sports Page" bar found youths using drugs and alcohol. Officers reportedly found marijuana hiding in a pool table. Somehow, I fear they had to disinfect the cue brace -- because teens tried to smoke with it.

+ Carver jumped past Jordan 54-51, to clinch the region title in high school boys' basketball. First Carver had a big football season, and now it has a top-ten team in basketball. If it can recruit some actors for one-act plays, Columbus High REALLY will be sweating.

+ Instant Message to the contractor who boasted to WRBL about preparing for Fort Benning's growth, by building a new Shogun restaurant: How does putting it on Whittlesey Boulevard really benefit Fort Benning? Wouldn't a restaurant on Victory Drive save soldiers some gas money?

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