for 12 FEB 07: OUR SURPRISE PARTY

The last several days have brought several surprises for me. Maybe they'll surprise you; maybe they won't. Let's find out....

1. SO SMALL, THEY'RE MISSING. I walked into a Krystal restaurant this weekend, and was baffled by the menu board. The individual Krystal and Cheese Krystal aren't listed anymore. Has this chain decided they're too embarrassingly small, in a world of Double Texas Whoppers?

The menu board at the Phenix City Krystal is like so many in the fast-food business these days -- dominated by large pictures of combo items. Someone told me restaurants went to the large pictures because more and more customers are illiterate. But in this case, there does NOT seem to be a policy of "No Sandwich Left Behind."

The big board at the Phenix City Krystal offered a sackful of 16 little Krystals on one picture, but nothing listed separately for buying one or two. Yet there WAS a separate listing for the new "Saucy Chix" - only fitting, with Victory Drive right down the 280 Bypass.

I asked the attendant behind the counter if Krystal still sold Krystals one by one. First I was told I could have eight of them -- but I didn't want eight. I only wanted one or two to go with my large-sized "B.A. Burger." To me, not buying Krystals at a Krystal is like going to Dunkin Donuts simply for coffee.

It took two attendants to settle it, but finally I was told I could go "off the board" and order individual Krystals. "It doesn't have anything," one woman said of the big board. I disagreed with that - while considering without all those pictures, the Krystal menu approach might not be far from The Garlic Clove.

If you encounter this sort of thing at your neighborhood Krystal: the basic Krystal costs 63 cents. A Cheese Krystal costs 78 cents. And making the "Krystal Lovers Hall of Fame" may be more difficult than ever.

2. BEST ON "THE BRAD." A mix of gift cards made my weekend grocery trip unusual, but also very revealing. I split the shopping between two stores on Bradley Park Drive - which you may remember was the cool place to shop in Columbus before that giant "Crossing" came along, and with nowhere near the traffic.

The big surprise here was that Target tended to have lower grocery prices than Publix. A half-gallon of fresh orange juice actually cost 20 cents less. If only I hadn't shopped at Target first, and rejected its price as too high....

Target's "Market Pantry" store brand was lower in price than Publix brands, for things such as chocolate chip cookies and tortilla chips. The low Target brand price even included "blue corn" tortilla chips, which I hadn't bought in years. No, they do NOT have a blueberry flavor to them.

The food selection at Target admittedly is much smaller - but by shopping with care, you can beat Publix on several items by at least 20 cents. I told the checkout woman they can turn their store into a "Super-Target" with a full grocery section anytime they wish. Right now, you're distracted by the high-definition TV's - and can't find any close-up oranges.

3. HURTSBORO HIATUS? We have received NO e-mails from Hurtsboro in the last week. Does this mean Constable Robert Schweiger is still resting, after last week's arraignment heating?

But we still have a "Hurtsboro Monday" update, thanks to a U.P.S. delivery which finally came from the Constable. Robert Schweiger has conducted a petition drive in recent months, asking Alabama Governor Bob Riley to intervene to stop "ANARCHY." In Hurtsboro, two shootings are anarchy. In Baghdad, it would be declared a tremendous victory.

Copies of the petitions sent to your blog show more than 200 names on them - and Hurtsboro has only about 600 residents. I don't know how many of the names are legitimate, but a few of them are illegible. And it may not help that a couple of names are noted as "Dear Hunter." [True!]

Constable Robert Schweiger attached a letter with the petitions, addressed to Governor Bob Riley. The letter is dated November 29. If the Governor hasn't intervened by now - well, the legislature doesn't convene until March. So maybe this is Alabama's version of the U.S. versus Iran.

4. LIKED AT LAST. Perhaps the most stunning surprise of all occurred at the weekend church service. For the first time in a long while, I took home-baked brownies for the snack table - and for the first time ever, almost all of them were eaten! Sometimes it pays NOT to put your name on the plastic box.

I've mentioned occasionally here how I've baked brownies for the church snack table or potluck dinner, only to find them left uneaten - and a couple of times even left forgotten in the kitchen. I dismissed those latter cases as simply being like the military reserves.

In recent weeks I took cans of potato chips to the church snack table, and they went quickly. But then my church denomination posted an online report about how pesticides used on potato farms are increasing cancer cases in nearby towns. So suddenly I felt guilty - deciding once you pop, the deaths don't stop.

So I changed course this weekend, and dared to bake brownies again. Even though Oreo cookies and two kinds of cake were on the snack table, almost all the brownies were gone by the end of the afternoon. But I should add an important disclaimer - I didn't check the trash can to see if anyone dumped them.

You may wonder why ALMOST all the brownies were taken -- 11 out of the 12 I took. The Presiding Elder has preached during services that if one item of food is left on a plate, no one is supposed to take it. I think he bases this on the "gleanings" principle of the Bible. But I call it the "one to go" rule, basing it on NASCAR restarts.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Here's a response to our Sunday LaughLine Flashback....

I heard a call in on a national radio talk show make the following suggestion:

The baby's father was Anna son, Daniel..That is why he is dead and why Anna died from an overdose.They were both suicide and Stern knows this..He married Anna so he would not have to testify against her..If you ever saw her actions with her son on her real life TV show this might not be far fetched..I certainly don't want to believe this..Just another guess thrown out there...yuk

Oh please - don't connect me with any wild rumors about the death of Anna Nicole Smith. We've already had the "J. Howard Marshall sperm" theory debunked as a hoax. And to make the record clear: I have never been farther south in Florida than suburban Orlando. I haven't even changed planes in Miami....

(I'll say one thing for Anna Nicole Smith -- her death is making the handling of James Brown's body look like a simple graveside service.)

Now let's catch up on some other news you may have missed from the weekend:

+ Columbus had two fires at apartment complexes in three days. The Luverne Apartments on Cusseta Road were damaged by fire for the second time in three months - and this time, no one was on hand to accuse the police of showing up with tear gas.

+ Elite Tax Service on Manchester Expressway shut down, as employee Valerie Renfroe was cited for 18 misdemeanor counts in Russell County. If there's any justice, her prison number may have a "1040" in it somewhere.

+ The Muscogee County School District held its annual "Teacher Recruitment Fair." One teacher traveled from Colorado for an interview -- which strikes me as amazing, since that means every district in at least five states along the way must be full.

+ Country singer Toby Keith performed in concert at the Columbus Civic Center Friday night, followed by the Soweto Gospel Choir at the RiverCenter on Saturday night. When these concerts are put together on the same program, we at last will achieve One Columbus.

+ Auburn lawmaker Mike Hubbard was named Chair of the Alabama Republican Party. Hubbard is President of the "Auburn Network" sports broadcasts - so if the Tigers always seem to be moving "from left to right" during games from now on, you'll know why.

+ The Columbus Cottonmouths stretched their winning streak to nine games in a row. But Saturday's 3-2 win over Fayetteville was marred by a fight only four seconds into the game. It usually takes modern professional wrestlers several minutes of talking, before they come to blows.

COMING SOON: The Talbot talk may not be over yet....

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