17 SEP 06: THE DAYS TIME STOOD STILL

We hope the visitors attending the Georgia Conference on Tourism enjoyed their time in Columbus this past week. I think I jogged past some of them the other evening on the Chattahoochee Promenade at Fifth Street - because why else would anyone be there carrying clipboards?

But there's one attraction I hope the tourism conference visitors didn't see. It's at the corner of Tenth and Bay Avenue, where construction continues on the Columbus State University "Riverpark Campus." It's in plain sight, inviting you to stare at it -- and no, it's not a beggar wearing slacks down around his knees.

Remember how Columbus marked "Y-2-K" almost seven years ago? A "millennium clock" was dedicated near the Riverwalk, complete with a time capsule and sponsorship bricks. I suppose we should have expected the bricks to last the longest -- and thankfully, the StreetScape construction crew hasn't cut corners and stolen any....

But the four-sided millennium clock at Tenth and Bay seems to have been forgotten since 2000. I noticed several weeks ago it had stopped running. Then this past week, I checked it twice to confirm it still wasn't working right. I mean, it can't even illustrate the song "It's Five O'clock Somewhere" when three sides show the time as 6:30.

At least the time on the side facing Phenix City has changed a bit. My first picture from Independence Day showed it stuck at 1:05. When I checked again a few days ago, it showed 6:30. Did some drunk C.S.U. student climb the clock somehow, and try to set the time himself?

Yes, I've read the old saying that "even a stopped clock is right twice a day." That's nice positive thinking - but if you're visiting downtown Columbus and you're on a schedule, the millennium clock could be quite annoying. Especially when it's showing different times on two sides, and neither seems to be Eastern and Central Time.

So where do you go to report a problem with the millennium clock? That's a very good question, and I still don't have a definite answer:

1. The clock says "Uptown Columbus" on one side, so we called the Uptown Columbus office. No, they're not over it. They're tearing up entire blocks of Broadway, but they're not touching Bay Avenue.

2. Uptown Columbus people say the Historic Columbus Foundation is over the clock. No, they're not - or at least they denied it when we called. Apparently January 2000 isn't historic enough.

3. The Historic Columbus Foundation referred us to the Columbus Parks Department. So apparently that grassy oval next to the clock is a park?! It's covered with a seven-foot-high pile of dirt at the moment -- too tall even to use as a pitcher's mound.

4. The Parks Department's main number directed us to "Parks Services." But when we called that office, everyone was out of the office for the day. Maybe they were making sure the "Tourism Works Here" lawn signs weren't being replaced by ones for political candidates.

We were told to call Parks Services back Friday for an answer - but when we did, we were told they still didn't have an answer yet. We were told to try again "next week." It's a good thing we weren't reporting stolen nets from tennis courts.

A side point here: when we canceled the Power Frisbee season two weeks ago, only one city out of 14 had NOT given us a firm commitment on a field. Can you guess which one? Yup, our home town of Columbus. The Parks Department still was waiting for school district permission about McClung Memorial Stadium on Labor Day weekend -- as if some high school would want to suddenly play on Sunday.

The Columbus Parks Department kept us waiting since April to book a Power Frisbee field -- and the Parks Services office is showing that same level of "customer service" when it comes to the millennium clock. Maybe the staff is waiting to confirm it's in charge of the clock until we go back to standard time in late October....

I've lived in other cities where landmark downtown clocks fail to work properly. East Point had one like that for years, after its MARTA station opened. In such cities, the clocks become running local jokes - and of course, the jokes keep running even when the clocks don't.

But shouldn't Columbus be better than this, when it comes to "what progress has preserved?" Or has all the emphasis on improving Broadway caused people to forget the landmark clock on Bay Avenue two blocks away? When the time comes to open that time capsule under the sidewalk, will people still be able to know what time it actually is?

E-MAIL UPDATE: It's always nice to have new readers - not to mention fan mail from them:

I live in Columbus Georgia and I LOVE this blog!!! I just discovered it online tonight and have been laughing ever since :-)

Keep up the good work!

April W

Thanks so much, April - and perhaps I should say congratulations to you. It takes some new readers several weeks to figure out this blog is supposed to be funny.

Now for topics and tidbits from the last weekend of summer:

+ Which local charity recently held Sunday night bingo games, had only 13 people show up, and took home less than 60 dollars in proceeds? Perhaps I shouldn't point fingers, though - that charity still raised more in one night than Power Frisbee did in three.

+ The price of gasoline in Columbus took another big tumble, falling to $2.30 a gallon at many stations. For those of you grumbling about it being an election-year ploy - maybe you need to celebrate Thanksgiving two months early.

+ WRBL reported on a memo from the Russell County Administrator, saying a 20-percent raise for the Sheriff's Department would require that department to lose nine positions to keep a balanced budget. That gives a whole new meaning to the two-way radio phrase "over and out."

+ The Phenix City Amphitheater held a Saturday night "street dance" concert. I didn't catch which band performed - but I have to wonder about its first song, "Rock Around the Clock." Didn't Phenix City ban that, back in the 1950's?

+ Auburn edged Louisiana State 7-3 in an important Southeastern Conference football game. It was the lowest-scoring game at Auburn since 1973 - way back before anyone started yelling for Pat Sullivan to become head coach.

+ Instant Message to my church congregation: It's too bad we called off the "sit-down dinner" this weekend. But you'll be pleased to know when I brought home a Saturday night meal from Church's Chicken, I went ahead and ate it sitting down anyway.

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