7 MAY 06: FIRE EXTINGUISHER

"They changed it to The Fire House," a friend told me at church this weekend, "and it became a FIRE house, all right." Well, that's not what the attorney for the nightclub says. He'd tell you the firing occurred outside, in the parking lot.

My friend told me he used to go dancing from time to time, when the controversial club on Sidney Simons Boulevard was known as Al Who's. I didn't ask this single man who his dance partner was. Our congregation has no eligible women his age - so even touching another woman there could be a sin.

This friend went to The Fire House club one time, after Al Fleming sold it and the name changed. "I sensed things didn't feel right," he told me. I wonder what the difference was - maybe the addition of rap performers?!

This friend is convinced the Holy Spirit told him to stop visiting The Fire House, because it was dangerous. I should have asked if he consulted Fort Benning, about putting club on its off-limits list for soldiers.

The Fire House is off-limits to everyone now, after a Muscogee County judge ordered it closed late Thursday. WRBL boasted of having the "only television reporter in the courtroom" for the hearing -- yet somehow it didn't even read the newspaper before Friday morning's newscast, and it had the decision on page one.

Prosecutors say Columbus Police visited The Fire House hundreds of times over the last few years. In Columbus, this means either a place is a real trouble spot -- or community policing happens a lot more often north of Manchester Expressway.

The owners of The Fire House plan to appeal the shutdown decision. Attorney Bill Mason told WRBL the club has a staff of 14 security guards. It's too bad they're all afraid to go outside, where the gunfire takes place.

My church friend is puzzled by the last shooting outside The Fire House, which led the District Attorney to file suit. "You've got a gun inside the club," he said, "and you pull it out and wave it because your brother wasn't let in for having a false ID?!" Well, maybe it was a matter of family togetherness....

My church friend wondered where the crowds which usually gather at The Fire House would go this weekend. I've heard some club owners on Broadway are concerned about that - but as long as they stage events with muscular motorcycle riders, that shouldn't be a problem.

We should note the former "Boom Boom Room" on Cusseta Road is available again. It's reopened as the "V.S. Lounge" - which I think means they're fighting versus the Fort Benning ban.

But the Carousel Lounge in Victory Drive may have taken the lead in the race to replace The Fire House. But it was only one shooting on a Friday night, so it's early....

E-MAIL UPDATE: Back in March, we went searching on Myspace.com for web sites by Columbus residents. We found only one which seemed close to a match -- and now the person with that site has written us:

Hello there. Someone Googled my name and found your site. I read it and noticed that you mentioned my screen name and blog on Myspace.com [20 Mar]. Here's part of what you said:

(No doubt the parents would have to check their children's blogs secretly. You know how many teens have told their parents in frustration: "You're in Myspace.")

The only mention of Columbus, Georgia I found was on a blog by a married woman in Ohio named "Secciness." I don't know why she chose that name - but I think it could apply to plenty of Southeastern Conference cheerleaders....

Here's what Secciness posted relating to our city: "You don't look cool if you lived in Columbus, GA all of your life, but have ATL next to your profile pic." At least she realizes Columbus is NOT an Atlanta suburb -- or is this a subtle slap suggesting we're backwards hicks?

I chose the name "secciness" when I was 17, and in college. It kinda stuck with me ever since. I was married at 23. Not that it's any of your business, but you seem to have made it your business by assuming I am an idiot. You called yourself commenting on one of my many blogs, and you didn't even read the entire thing to get the point of what I was trying to say. For your records, here you go:

Someone thought I was really from some podunk city near Cleveland and asked if I was just claiming the largest city near me to look cool on Myspace. So I told the guy that it's bad enough that I have to claim a city I don't like living in, but to insult me even further with an assumption that I'm superficial about where I reside is just ridiculous. Therefore, I used an EXAMPLE to make myself clear. My brain randomly searched through cities and voila! Columbus, GA popped up first. I've been to Columbus, GA and I've been to Atlanta, GA. I know what the h**l I am talking about when I write my personal blogs and I am not a prejudiced woman, so I am completely apalled at your ignorant remark. And the nerve of you to link your bull***t statements to my blog is slander to my name. Boy do I wish I would have come up with another city as an example for my blog... Now I have to deal with people like you who have nothing better to do than to bad-mouth complete strangers on the world wide web.

I am asking you to unlink my screenname from your site or delete the post altogether. If not, I guess I'll have to blog you in return. Have a nice life, Richard.

And here I thought Myspace had "friends lists" - not lists of enemies.

I apologize if two jokes make Secciness feel like I'm calling her an idiot - but I must ask where I declared her an idiot in what I wrote. In fact, I noted her realization that Columbus is not an Atlanta suburb. A recent survey found most young adults probably couldn't even find Atlanta on a map.

Since I've never met Secciness, I don't really know her educational background or cultural sensitivity. So one of my lines was a guess. If guessing is slander, half the contestants on "Jeopardy" should be jailed.

Whatever Secciness has written about our original post (note I did NOT link to it), it seems to be accessible only to preferred friends of her Myspace site. I suppose I could have asked to join -- but then the marshal's office might have shown up with a summons for Internet stalking.

Someone else who apparently came upon our March entry e-mailed us, short and to the point:

You're a F**kin Retard .

Say what you will about the cable news debate shows - they haven't quite turned THIS bad yet.

For the record: we have removed the link to the Secciness section of Myspace. But if she wants to blog about us, that's OK. After all, they say negative P.R. is better than no P.R. at all - unless you're a teacher who's just been arrested....

Let's move on to something a bit less controversial - that big bash ending today at South Commons:

Hey, that site you put on your site for that Fiesta Columbus tripped me out.

I will quote it for you: "Participation in Fiesta Columbus will be your chance to experience the traditions and customs of all the Hispanics and Latinos that live and work in Columbus, GA."

That doesn't seem to me to promote all cultures. And what happened to One Columbus that "Bob" promotes? Why do they want to single out hispanics and Latinos?

I'll go when they have Irish day.

It's appearing more and more like Mayor Bob Poydasheff is losing that One Columbus - as a sizeable majority joins the Jim Wetherington campaign.

I hadn't seen the part of the web site this writer mentions - but Robin Walker with the Columbus Civic Center assured viewers of Friday's noon news that Fiesta Columbus is the city's first big "multicultural" event. Maybe she's distinguishing the Hispanics from the Latinos?!

(And all these years, I thought the Columbus International Festival in August was a big multicultural event. It was big enough to be inside the Civic Center, after all - but the only thrills came from the Polynesians throwing fire sticks.)

My Saturday night run found some evidence that Fiesta Columbus is truly multicultural. A rapper was on stage, audible from a mile away on the Riverwalk - rapping something about, "Who wants the money?" One big guy did, but he missed that million-dollar kick at the Vipers game.

By the way: Robin Walker also noted Friday Fiesta Columbus has more rides than the Greater Columbus Fair. And to be fair, at least one of them DOES have a Hispanic-sounding name -- the Yoyo.

Who else can we slap while we're here? Oh yes, we have e-mail about the "'Stack' policy:"

Hey 5' 9",

Looks like you need to adopt the height/weight intro policy some radio sports talk shows utilize for callers. Request your readers provide their height and weight. It goes a little something like this. Hey Richard, Stuckey here! 6' 2" / 200lbs. It might sell!

Craig

As they would do it on The Dan Patrick Show on WEAM-AM -- ding.

Hmmmm -- selling height and weight on the blog?! Georgia Bariatrics might be interested in sponsoring it. But then, Secciness might accuse me of being prejudiced all over again.

Let's climb out of this cesspool as carefully as possible, with other news weekend news items:

+ CB&T sent notices to thousands of customers, warning their accounts have been "flagged" for a possible security breach. Those flags had better be red, white and blue - because otherwise, a lot of veterans are going to be upset.

+ A fund-raising event in Columbus featured a crowd of people at Kinnett Stadium putting on red clown noses. If they had sat outside for five hours without sunscreen, they would have looked about the same.

+ A concert at the Phenix City Amphitheater featured the "original Drifters." It's nice to see they're learning something useful, while they beg for money outside bus stations.

+ The former winner of a national Elvis Presley imitation contest performed in Thomaston. A man who went to this show tells me women in their sixties and seventies were swooning. It felt like their temperatures' rising - feeling like they might start slipping away....

+ Instant Message to WKCN-FM: Does it really make sense to promise your "two-minute music guarantee" in the middle of a NASCAR race? The caution flags didn't come out THAT often at Richmond. And if you start a song right before a big wreck, I guarantee listeners will be upset.

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