30 MAY 06: THE HOG CALLER

It was early in the morning, and the man on the phone had big news to share. "I think I just killed the biggest wild hog in the history of Alabama." Don't worry, PETA members - I don't think this occurred on U.S. 431, so you don't have to put up a cross.

The man called from Fort Mitchell, where he indicated wild hogs are among "what we have to deal with out here." I wonder what else he has to endure - besides buglers in the distance, playing "Taps" over and over.

The man estimated the wild hog that he killed weighed about 400 pounds. But he couldn't figure out where to get an accurate measurement. "Maybe a junkyard?" he asked. Yeah -- a junkyard hog. You almost could make a song out of that.

"Or a deer processing plant," I suggested. Imagine how many barbecue sandwiches an Alabamian could get out of a 400-pound wild hog. The closest McDonald's might be pushed to the brink of closing....

So where was this man going with his huge hog? "I'm going to be at River Road Elementary School," he told me. Now there's a surefire way to shut everybody up during show and tell.

This man called before the school year ended, and he was heading for his grandson's awards ceremony at River Road School. Would he dare invite the students outside, to show off his dead 400-pound wild hog? Would the River Road parents be too urban-minded to care?

I obviously wanted to know more about this man, his hog, and his trip to a Columbus grade school with it. But I'm sad to report my calls to this man have NOT been returned for more than a week. I hope the hog didn't come back to life, and swallow his cell phone.

Perhaps this man in Fort Mitchell found out he really didn't have a record-sized wild hog. Perhaps he was scolded by the faculty at River Road School, for taking it there. I really don't know what happened. If another wild hog crossed his path, and decided to get revenge....

E-MAIL UPDATE: We mentioned "IsOurCitySafe" in passing last week [25 May]. Now Brent Rollins has passed some of our jokes about Allstate's safe driving study on to his vast mailing list -- and added this:

Well, Richard you have me on this one. Columbus was rated as a safe city to drive in as far as accidents, but according to local news it's not safe to ride around in your car despite not having an accident....

My rant for the day has nothing to do with driving except that I want to drive all of the councilors out of a job.

I want to see term limits for Council members. Councilor Rodgers was on council for almost 25 yrs. Do you think this is good for the citizens to have bumps sitting on the council log for so long? I don't.

Councilor Rodgers said he looks forward to spending more time traveling with his wife, Barbara, and playing more golf.

I suggested Mayor Bob use this excuse, I guess Mr. Rodgers has chosen to use it first.

Lets see who jumps ship next.

...and just so you know, there will be no more personal attacks against Mayor Bob or the councilors. I promised the Chief of Police during our recent meeting about my emails.

Brent Rollins

Brent Rollins attached a couple of recent news stories about Columbus residents shooting up cars. And strangely, the cars were NOT being treated like lame horses along the roadside.

I know of some cities with term limits for council members. They serve two terms, then they leave. But voters can do the very same thing without a law -- and history shows they have with Columbus mayors. That gray hair on Jack Rodgers must make older voters swoon.

So why did Brent Rollins have a meeting with the Columbus Police Chief about his e-mails? Does this mean Rick(y) Boren is going to call me next, to request an (ahem) appointment?

(Lest Brent Rollins or any critics of the mayor get bright ideas - I give credit on this blog to everyone who submits joke material.)

Now a follow-up to our Saturday night on the party circuit:

Hi Richard-

Hope you had fun at the party! Just an FYI---the game you're referring to in your blog entry is actually called "Flip Cup." Beer pong is played by bouncing a ping-pong ball into cups of beer. We would have played that last night, but didn't have any ping-pong balls!

Amanda

P.S. The brownies were delicious! Tell your church people they need to eat them!

How embarrassing - I got my drinking games mixed up, and I didn't drink anything stronger than diet cola. Unless someone spiked my cup....

Didn't they used to do something like beer pong on children's television? You dropped a ball into six buckets, to win prizes from Bozo the Clown on WGN in Chicago. I know, because I watched this during summer vacations -- from college.

(On the other hand, I may have seen my last "Flip Cup" for a while. The way the Detroit Pistons played basketball Monday night, coach Flip Saunders won't win a championship cup this season.)

Now let's get caught up on some Memorial Day weekend leftovers:

+ Which repair shop in central Columbus was caught opening the hood of a customer's car - when all the customer wanted was a fixed tire? Does the staff REALLY think something fell out of the engine, to make the tire rip?

+ Columbus gas stations surprised countless customers, and did NOT raise prices for the Memorial Day weekend. It apparently pays for all of us to complain early in the spring.

+ Kinder's Furniture marked the holiday by displaying a World War II-era jeep outside the store, while cutting some prices in half. So you could call this the Soldiers' and Sellers' Memorial....

+ The former head of the Phenix City Firefighters Association indicated he'll sue the city to challenge his firing. He claims he was dismissed for an off-duty meeting with Mayor Jeff Hardin, which violated the chain of command. That's one unusual way to ensure a separation of powers.

+ Former Alabama Governor Don Siegelman suggested prosecutors are slowing his corruption trial on purpose, so he loses in the primary. Excuse me - but didn't Siegelman WANT this trial to occur before primary day? [22 Jan] Or is he trying to show he's not a conspirator, by being stunned that prosecutors can plot as well?

+ Atlanta talk show host Clark Howard was nominated for the Radio Hall of Fame. This should make Doug Kellett of WRCG feel big - since he replaced Howard two weeks ago.

+ Columbus High School split a state baseball semifinal doubleheader, setting up a decisive third game today against Dunwoody. The big question now is: are they Dun - or Woody go on?

+ Instant Message to Wikipedia: What gives? My blog isn't mentioned in the Columbus, Georgia entry anymore. Which city official reported me as inaccurate?

SCHEDULED WEDNESDAY: Post number 1,000.... what shall we do????....

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