19 MAY 06: PRANKS FOR NOTHING

Commencement weekend in Muscogee County Schools begins this afternoon. The Columbus Civic Center will hold eight ceremonies in about 36 hours - and the school with the smallest turnout has to return to South Commons and watch a Catfish baseball game.

It's apparently the season not only for seniors to graduate, but for students to pull pranks. WRBL's top story Thursday night was the pouring of paint on doors and signs at Shaw High School. Wow -- when vandals spray-painted an insult on my old high school's wall, I'm not sure it even made the school newspaper.

Someone went to Shaw High School and poured white paint on several doors, as well as the sign pointing to the school from the J.R. Allen Parkway area. This seems like a very strange way to promote "Arts in the Park" at Lakebottom this weekend....

Shaw High School faculty members do NOT think any Shaw students spread the white paint. Hmmmm - which high school IS the art magnet, anyway?

But Shaw High School officials admit they're not sure who poured the paint in several places. So how did WRBL seem to know it was a "senior prank?" After all, vandalism like this is a sophomoric thing to do....

An assistant principal at Shaw High School says they actually expect "rolling" with toilet paper as the school year ends. Those future Auburn students consider it spring practice.

The strange thing about this prank is that Muscogee County Schools claimed to have increased security for the last days of the term, to guard against trouble. Maybe by next year, they'll heal the wounds with the city and hire some off-duty police officers.

Year-end school pranks apparently have been common in Columbus for some time. I recall a morning jog in the late 1990's, when I found soap suds filling a fountain near the Space Science Center. Of course, maybe this was NOT a prank - simply how the city cleaned water stains years ago.

For commencement weekend, of course, the concern is NOT about pranksters. It's about something even more potentially dangerous - the threat of someone applauding when they're not supposed to....

It hasn't received much attention this year, but I'm assuming the graduation rules remain unchanged for the audience - and interruptions of the ceremony will NOT be tolerated. Regis Philbin can walk onto the set of "Deal or No Deal" anytime he wishes, but in Columbus he could be arrested.

Muscogee County school officials explain graduation is a solemn occasion, and whoops and hollers for certain seniors only detract from the moment. I'm amazed school board member Joseph Roberson hasn't tried to change this - because he asks for "amen's" from his church congregation often.

So are any senior classes in our area planning a trip outside the country - especially after what happened to Natalee Holloway last May? Oops, I forgot. This is Columbus. The only big trip here might have Brookstone seniors going to The Cheesecake Factory in Atlanta.

BLOG UPDATE: The Reuters news service claimed Thursday Kia is postponing construction of the new plant in West Point. City leaders there said they'd heard nothing about it - but then again, you wonder how many of them had heard of South Korea six months ago.

West Point Mayor Billy Head said as far as he knows, Kia construction is still on schedule. If he says it, we probably should believe it - because after all, he's the Head guy.

A spokesman for Georgia's economic development office also dismissed the Reuters report about Kia. To the contrary, he said -- several Hyundai executives are in the state right now, with more coming next week. Jeff Foxworthy has plenty of land in Harris County, where they can hide....

The rumors about Kia are swirling because Hyundai's chairman was indicted in South Korea this week, and Asian reports suggest his son will be indicted soon. And to make things more amazing, I haven't heard Ralph Nader complain about Kia cars even once.

Three South Korean automotive groups announced a petition drive Thursday. They hope to gain a million signatures, to get the Hyundai Chairman free from jail until his embezzlement trial. If this approach was allowed in the U.S., Kenneth Starr could have had President Clinton arrested years ago.

Now let's sign off on other news from Thursday:

+ The late news showed the Columbus Fire Department's new exercise equipment, which was purchased mostly from a federal Homeland Security grant. This is money designed to protect us from terrorism - and it's being spent on treadmills?! Are public safety employees going to drop them on local sleeper cells?

+ A winning ticket in the Georgia Lottery's "Win for Life" game was sold in West Point. This makes four big lottery prizes in Troup County in six months - and no, I'm not counting the Kia plant in that number anymore.

(The strange thing about "Win for Life" is that the game promises $1,000 a week for life, but the money is paid quarterly. Isn't this asking a lot from some lottery players - to actually have a three-month budget?)

+ Spencer High School graduate Ed Hill finished second on the reality show "American Inventor." He does NOT win one million dollars for his "Word Ace" idea -- but he'll probably gain a lot of uncomfortably close friends, the next time he attends a Spencer reunion.

+ Pacelli advanced in the Georgia high school baseball tournament by pounding Portal 16-6. So you might say the Vikings disconnected Portal, and now it's shut down.

+ Our Burkard Bulk Mail Index (see below) closed above 12,000 for the first time, and now is several hundred points ahead of he Dow Jones Industrial Average. I say it's time to bail out of stocks, and invest in low-priced Cialis and Ephedra.

+ Held-over curious quote of the day: "What does [Taylor Hicks] do? Does he sing?" - Mayor Bob Poydasheff on WDAK radio's "Viewpoint" 7 March.

+ Instant Message to Lonnie Jackson: Yes, we know. We know your "pre-Memorial Day celebration" is Saturday morning. We know you want a big crowd there. But we also know how you create guilt clouds - and if we have other things to do, it does NOT mean we're slapping all veterans in the face.

COMING SOON: A big pig, without the jig....

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