BURKARD'S BLOG
I searched on the Internet months ago, and found no one keeping a blog about events in Columbus, Georgia. So being the hip web-savvy guy that I am, I decided to start a blog of my own - chronicling happenings in the town I've called home for some six years, as well as my experiences in it.
But be warned.... I used to have a humor service called LaughLine.Com, so my views may be a bit amusing. And the views are my own; no one has paid me to present theirs. Pressured, yes - but paid, no.
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9 SEP 03: GET DOWN ON IT
While making calls to rent a car Monday, I suddenly was struck by the ad for National. Its "downtown" office is listed as 4231 Macon Road. They call that address downtown?! Who works at this place - failed cab drivers?
C'mon now - 4231 Macon Road is east of Interstate 185, and even east of Columbus State University. If C.S.U. already had a downtown campus, why would it buy up all that land near the river?
This listing reminded me, believe it or not, of a killing several months ago outside a Shell station at Britt David Road and Veterans Parkway. A passerby was quoted on TV as saying he didn't expect such violence to occur "here - downtown." Well, that address seems closer to downtown -- with "Main Street Village" right up the street.
(Before you point it out -- yes, a man made that last "downtown" comment. Once again, a guy doesn't check a map and gets embarrassed for it.)
Come to think of it, where in Columbus will you find "Downtown Optical and Eye Care?" It's in Cross-Country Plaza! If the eye doctors can't see their way down Wynnton Hill, should you trust them with your vision?
Why should there be such confusion over where downtown Columbus is? After all, Tenth Street has the Government Center, the Springer Opera House, the RiverCenter, the Public Safety Center, Recorder's Court - and of course, the TRUE centerpiece of downtown, Ruth Ann's Restaurant.
Perhaps the confusion stems from the fact that "Uptown Columbus Inc." likes to call it "uptown" all the time. And if Broadway is up, something has to be down - even though in recent years, other parts of town were the real "up" places economically.
I also put part of the blame for downtown confusion on veteran basketball announcer Marv Albert. How many times has he described players hitting three-point shots "from downtown," when the skyscraper players are 25 feet away under the basket?
There's a woman in the church I attend who lives in Columbus, but admits she only goes downtown once every few years. Maybe someone told her the prison workers who mow lawns in the Historic District aren't wearing balls and chains.
BLOG UPDATE: I forgot a couple of items in our "Big or Little" quiz Sunday - so if you failed before, here are your makeup questions:
6. The city's first Krispy Kreme doughnut shop is planned on the north side of Columbus. Big or little?
Answer - LITTLE. Krispy Kremes are in town already. Doesn't anyone stop at Spectrum and Racetrac stores?
7. WWE Wrestling appeared at the Columbus Civic Center Monday night. Big or little?
Answer - BIG. It's the closest thing to a sellout the arena's likely to have all year.
Meanwhile, less humid air and slightly cooler weather is making it much easier to dry out the water-logged carpet. But went I stepped out to the back porch Monday evening to bring in some dried-out towels, wouldn't you know - I locked myself out of the apartment again! [Aug 8] A cure for Alzheimer's disease cannot come soon enough.
I hurried back to the same neighbor I visited a month and a day before, and called the same locksmith I'd called before. Thankfully, I still had the sticker he gave me last time for a ten-percent discount. I'm now calling this the "frequent stupidity discount."
"It's good to see you again," the locksmith said as he walked toward my back door. To which I replied, "That's easy for YOU to say."
(The locksmith pointed out I'm supposed to put his sticker on my car window, for the ten-percent discount. In return, I pointed out the car hasn't been my problem lately.)
BIG PREDICTION: Alabama's Amendment One will fail today - but the yes side will wind up at about 40 percent, higher than the polls indicate. Certainly that many government workers WILL go to the polls, hoping to keep their jobs.
So, you ask, where do I stand on Amendment One? The same place so many people in this area do - on the Columbus side of the river, simply shaking my head.
COMING WEDNESDAY: We're finally going to that bank, with the new security rules. We promise...