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6 AUG 04: GET THE JOKE?
The map was enough to put a frown on anyone's face. I found out Thursday that out of 205 U.S. metropolitan areas, Columbus ranks number 196 for having a "sense of humor." And I wondered why more people didn't donate money for this blog....
The nationwide survey by Hallmark cards threw Columbus into the bottom ten cities in the U.S. for having a sense of humor. If you don't think this city deserves that ranking, try to crack a joke about Kadie the cow standing outside Best Buy.
Hallmark's "Shoebox Greetings" division used several factors in computing its "Sense of Humor Index." Amazingly, one criterion happened to be how many Shoebox Greetings cards people bought! Maybe Columbus residents have become such cheapskates that we're only sending e-cards everywhere.
Another factor in the Hallmark survey was whether people considered themselves funny. So perhaps this explains Columbus's low total score. People here think they're right, and all those Northerners are funny.
As you might guess, Hallmark's ranking of Columbus as 196th out of 205 on the "sense of humor" index was disputed by the Mayor. I'm told Bob Poydasheff told a reporter: "The voters must have a sense of humor - they elected me."
Mayor Bob Poydasheff said during the recent Columbus Council debate on a new animal ordinance, officials made all sorts of wisecracks about dogs and cats. Just imagine if members of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals had stayed around after the circus left....
So why does Columbus rank near the bottom of the pile, when it comes to a sense of humor? I can think of several possible explanations....
+ Maybe Hallmark compiled this survey during the Superior Court Judge race.
+ Maybe it's because we're next door to Fort Benning - and we're afraid not about success in Iraq, but failure to avoid a few Victory Drive motels.
+ Maybe Columbus ranked higher when the Wardogs were the laughingstock of arena football.
+ Maybe it's because we're still "Two Columbuses" - and we can't find any joke books which don't offend somebody.
And is it only a coincidence that Columbus ranks so low on the Sense of Humor Index, while it has no comedy club? Thursday night was the weekly "Comedy Night" at The Loft - but beyond that, you almost have to wait for Bobby Peters to speak at a banquet.
Lest you readers in surrounding cities laugh at all this -- please note Columbus is just above Montgomery on the Hallmark list. Albany is even lower, at number 200. So quit pointing fingers, and go buy some whoopie cushions.
In a strange way, I feel better after reviewing the Hallmark survey. It tells me a blog like this is providing a much-needed service for Columbus. But in case you're new here, I have a reminder - the last line of each paragraph is supposed to be funny.
(BLOG-BLAH-BLAH: Who do you think is the funniest person in Columbus, or has the best sense of humor? We're taking nominations, so please e-mail us with your choice....)
Now let's put on our sternest face and check other items from the last couple of days....
+ Several people in northeast Columbus reported seeing a plane escorted by two fighter jets. First it flew south, then went back north. I'm going to take a guess -- is Sean "P. Diddy" Combs working on a clothing deal with Fort Benning?!
+ Fort Benning removed the Memory Lane nightclub from its "banned list" for soldiers. Only time will tell if this club can become a distant memory for the commanders....
(Did you see WRBL interview Timothy Delbridge about the Memory Lane nightclub Thursday night? He's the man who's run the "Friends of David Glisson" campaign - so that may explain what makes this club more secure now.)
+ A federal judge in Birmingham dismissed most of former Governor Don Siegelman's defense lawyers, because they've been connected with prosecutors. First three judges were tossed. Now defense attorneys are gone. This is just reinforcing those stereotypes, about everyone in Alabama being related somehow.
+ The Columbus Northern Little League team came from behind, and advanced to the Southeast Regional finals. I still remember Phenix City's big run five years ago - so which coach do you think will get fired from his job first?
+ Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick announced he won't cut his hair until the Super Bowl. Will someone please remind him that last season, the hair wasn't the problem - it was his ankle?
(I can't help noticing Michael Vick did NOT promise to grow his hair out until his brother's name is cleared at Virginia Tech....)
+ The Atlanta Hawks traded two players to Dallas for Antoine Walker and Tony Delk. Delk should have no problem fitting right in - since he already has an exit on Interstate 75 named after him.
(If the Hawks are going to trade for a bunch of Kentucky players, why not make more money off them - by moving the team to Louisville?)
+ Instant Message to the Auburn Fire Department: Why did I see several of your vehicles driving down 4th Street Thursday evening? Did Brad Cotter buy you dinner, before his Civic Center concert?
COMING SOON: Congressional candidates fight to the finish.... and we haven't forgotten that Auburn "whore...."
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