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15 AUG 04: GOD, GUNS AND GRITS

So I'm standing with some men before church this weekend when someone else joins the group - and the next thing I know, three men decide to go outside the building. Even though I'm a journalist, I just couldn't bring myself to join the rush outside. I can watch boxing and wrestling matches during the Olympics.

"Something about guns," one remaining member of our group guessed - and he was probably right. Remember the man who brought a gun and 100 rounds of ammunition to the church picnic? [29 Jun] If he has them in the parking lot outside the church building now, before long we may be shooting at effigies of the devil after singing hymns.

That man who speculated about guns set a personal limit for this interest. "As long as they don't set up a target...." Especially as long as the target doesn't face the back of the parking lot - right next to Manchester Expressway.

I can't think of any other church I've ever seen where someone left a document about gun ownership on the announcement table. But it's happened in the congregation I attend - where members sometimes talk more about David killing lions and bears than Jesus being the "Prince of peace."

After the men came back inside the hall, it was time for our church service to begin. The "sermonette" speaker told us his topic was "our Southern heritage...." As a Kansas native, I prepared to remind everyone after the service that the North won 140 years ago.

But no, the speaker threw me a curve. The item of "Southern heritage" he really discussed was hospitality. For instance, we have a snack table set up before and after church - but I sort of wish one woman would quit needling me for "taking all night" on the bag of corn chips I brought.

(Really now - is "hospitality" really just a Southern thing? I have a "Hospitaliano!" pin, but I picked that up at an Olive Garden restaurant....)

On the way home from church, I viewed a classic confrontation near Columbus State University. A driver in front of me wanted to turn right into a package store. Another driver was at the entryway, trying to leave. After a tense moment, the exiting driver backed up practically to the door! What's even more amazing is that BOTH drove four-by-fours.

My route home from church took me down the two-mile section of Warm Springs and Talbotton Roads where widening is planned. Wow -- four lanes and a "grassy median?" Since this section has so many doctors' offices, can't they afford to pay
for this themselves?

The section proposed for widening also includes the Peabody Apartments - well, what's left of them. Bulldozing is underway, to change this complex into modern housing. So exactly when is the crew from "Extreme Makeover Home Edition" showing up?

Don't worry, there ARE other things to discuss this weekend:

+ Columbus city officials announced it was a bank which lost $46,000 at a landfill in the last couple of years. But they refused to name the bank, to avoid embarrassing it. Aw, c'mon! We name all the big money-wasters who lose elections....

+ The "Phenix City 50 years" celebration continued with a street dance, featuring TWO bands! For one night, downtown Phenix City almost was as exciting as half-a-block of Broadway.

+ South Commons hosted the Jordan Invitational softball tournament. So many high schools competed that they were divided into "gold pool, silver pool and bronze pool." Shouldn't the Olympics have something like this - with the bronze pool for those men from Equatorial Guinea who can't swim very well?

+ Instant Message to NBC Sports: What's the deal here -- not showing the Fort Benning air rifle contestant during prime-time Olympic coverage? Are you showing anti-gun, left-wing liberal bias? Fox News Channel probably wouldn't do that....

COMING MONDAY: Where did all the listeners go?....

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