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10 AUG 04: LETTER PERFECT?

Columbus has more than 180,000 residents, yet not one - not ONE - can give my next-door neighbor a ride to handle her Social Security check. At least, that's what she tells me. Couldn't these groups offering voters a "ride to the polls" today take
a short side trip?

My busy work schedule right now doesn't allow me time to take my next-door neighbor to the business which takes care of her Social Security check. I'd have to drive her to that office, wait for about an hour, then drive her back halfway across
town. And since I don't belong to the River Club, I'm not allowed two-hour lunch breaks....

(I can see why my neighbor doesn't take a cab to this office, because that can be expensive. But she won't take a bus to take care of Social Security money, either - which means she's not very METRA-politan.)

But I was able to help my next-door neighbor over the weekend in another way. She asked me to write an address on an envelope, so she could mail a letter to the Government Center. The better to avoid tracing the hate mail, I suppose....

But really: my 75-year-old next-door neighbor explained she knows how to write an address on an envelope. But she thought I could do it better than she does. I'm really not sure why. Maybe she heard I write a blog, and thought I did it longhand.

People who've seen my handwriting probably are laughing at my neighbor's request already. Let's just say I've never been known for penmanship. I probably can't even win an award for pencil-manship....

My handwriting is considered so bad that when I duplicate cassettes of sermons at church, someone else writes on the label of the tape sent to the Church's "home office." No, I do NOT feel insulted by this policy. As we Christians say, some folks simply have different spiritual gifts.

Sometimes it can pay to have bad handwriting, though. If a grand jury ever demands to see my notes about a news story, I plan to turn them over immediately. But if they ask me to interpret them, they won't get any help.

But anyway: I sat down on the front porch with a lap tray normally used for dinners - and I wrote the address on that envelope clearly enough to satisfy my neighbor. Talk about pressure! I haven't faced such attention over my handwriting
since I made a down payment to buy mountain land.

Since Muscogee County and Phenix City schools opened a new term Monday, I can't help wondering if student handwriting has declined in this computer age. After all, I suspect young people do a lot more typing than writing nowadays. And we know from text abbreviations that many have trouble spelling....

E-MAIL UPDATE: We're still seeking your nominations for the Columbus resident with the best sense of humor. The person who suggested Randy Robertson of the Fraternal Order of Police wrote us a second time Monday:

No, I'm not a council member, and I'm not sure if that was an insult or not.......

Uh-oh -- our deep apologies, General Cavezza.

Now some other Monday musings:

+ Northside High School opened the new year with 100 more students than capacity. That means some classes are in three "portable classrooms." In this wealthy part of town, no one dares call them trailers.

+ News reports from Atlanta indicated a Hilary Duff concert was stopped for nearly an hour, when a speaker above the stage caught fire. So when do police plan to question Lindsay Lohan about this?

+ Columbus State University held its first women's soccer practice at "The (Woodruff) Farm." I fear a lot of C.S.U. guys are going to be disappointed this fall - when goal-scorers don't take off their shirts, like Brandi Chastain did.

+ Instant Message to Phenix City Mayoral candidate Jeff Hardin: About your desire to bring a movie theater to town - have you noticed the city amphitheater sits unused more than 300 nights a year? What are you waiting for?

COMING WEDNESDAY: A Georgia runoff rundown.... who should we visit this time?....

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