18 APR 06: FADING FIRES

Two big announcements were made in Columbus Monday afternoon. One marked the end of a sports era, which few people really want to see. The other could mark the end of an era -- and some people are rooting for that harder than for some sports teams.

We'll start with the latter announcement. District Attorney Gray Conger announced Monday a civil suit has been filed to shut down The Firehouse nightclub. Why didn't Fort Benning think of this in the first place? Simply banning soldiers from the club looks wimpy, by comparison....

The District Attorney produced a binder, filled with some 400 police reports involving The Firehouse going back to 2003. Someone should have asked Gray Conger if it was lighter or heavier than the Boom Boom Room.

The last straw for The Firehouse may have come early Sunday, when three people were shot in the parking lot. A man from Atlanta reportedly waved a gun, after his younger brother was barred from the club for being underage. Apparently Scooters next door is too dull and boring to visit.

But Sunday's violence was far from the only problem at The Firehouse. Police say 40 shots may have been fired in the parking lot three weeks ago, while officers were at one end of the property. Maybe the real answer isn't closing the club - it's opening a branch of Shooters there for target practice.

(Hey, wait a minute! If all this trouble is happening in the parking lot, why not ban the lot instead of shutting down the club? The new owners of Spectrum probably would love to put a new store there.)

People who live near The Firehouse along Armour Road say they've often heard gunshots on weekends, around 3:00 a.m. There MUST be a quieter way to announce last call for drinks than this....

Not only that, there's a "Comfort Suites" hotel across the street from The Firehouse. The only comfort many weekend guests may have comes from having secure door locks on their rooms.

The problems at The Firehouse go beyond gunfire. Police say they've found drugs in the parking lot and beer bottles on the grass -- and we certainly don't want visitors confusing this club with a mobile home park.

So why hasn't a spot on the Fort Benning "hit list" brought peace to The Firehouse? Columbus Police Chief Rick Boren said the management made military police obtain search warrants, before they could enter to look for soldiers. And then you wonder why some MP's are more than happy to serve in Iraq again....

The managers of The Firehouse refused to comment Monday on the lawsuit to shut it down. The club can remain open 30 more days, until there's a court hearing - so if the managers unveil a new menu with plenty of "pig," we'll assume they're contesting the case.

I can't help wondering what NBC-38's Al Fleming thinks of all the trouble at The Firehouse. After all, he used to own that club for years when it had the name "Al Who." Now he might be inclined to say simply, "Who Cares?"

About an hour before the District Attorney's news conference, a different sort of media event occurred at Columbus State University. Herbert Greene announced he's resigning as men's basketball coach, but remaining athletic director. The first question here is obvious -- will a full-time desk job mean he gains back all that weight he's lost?

Herbert Greene has coached C.S.U. men's basketball for 25 years, but he admits this past season the bus rides for road trips became tougher to take. C'mon, Scott Miller - you could buy one new joke book a season....

Besides, Herbert Greene told WRBL the job of Columbus State University Athletic Director has become a full-time position. He has fund-raising to do, for instance -- since I assume he'll lose part of his salary to give up the basketball job.

Herbert Greene became emotional as he told a news conference: "The best thing that ever happened to me was moving to Columbus State, and to Columbus, Georgia." Hmmmm - are the owners of The Firehouse from out-of-town?

But in a strange move, C.S.U. assistant Doug Branson was named INTERIM coach of the Cougars until the end of next season. Does Columbus State really need a year to find a new basketball coach? Auburn University trustees can find new coaches in a couple of weeks....

The official search for a new men's basketball coach at Columbus State won't even begin until next fall. Major college programs never wait this long to make a decision - so I'm wondering if C.S.U. is being consulted by Brett Favre.

Now for other things which made news Monday:

+ The Muscogee County School Board voted to let "Midtown Inc." have control of the old Sears building next to the main library. Future development there is yet to be announced - so will Wal-Mart please decide now, and settle once and for all whether the rumors from a couple of years ago were true?

+ Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue signed a tough immigration bill. Starting in July, employers risk fines if they hire illegal immigrants - so if the servers at El Carrizo suddenly have trouble understanding Spanish, you'll know why.

+ The Atlanta Thrashers lost 6-4 at Washington to be eliminated from the National Hockey League playoffs. One sportscaster declared, "There's always next year" - somehow forgetting that last year, the N.H.L. didn't have a season.

+ Several Columbus fire units were called to Forrest and Floyd Roads, after a car crashed into a gasoline pump. I never imagined a collision in our city could make oil prices jump above 70 dollars a barrel....

(I hope no drivers get ideas from this crash. Running into gas pumps in frustration will only make the lines and gas prices longer for everybody else.)

+ Instant Message to Carla Wohl of ABC News: I heard you mention that Internet e-mail Monday, about boycotting ExxonMobil. Next time, do a Google search -- and maybe our blog will show up, so you can avoid being scammed by spam again. [10 Apr]

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16 APR 06: HERE, HAVE SOME MORE

If you're reading this blog today, I'll assume you've finished working on your taxes. If my blog counter shows a big rush of readers on Tuesday, I'll know what you've been busy doing....

I mailed my tax forms away in early March, and received a refund check from the federal government this past week. At times like that, I recall my mother's last job was with the Internal Revenue Service - and she talked about people writing checks to the "INFERNAL Revenue."

But a couple of days before the check came, a large white envelope from the I.R.S. reached my mailbox. I knew from the size it wasn't my refund -- so what could it be? Was I being audited, because a staff member read this blog and wondered why all the PayPal donations weren't listed?

After opening the envelope, I was both relieved and puzzled. No, I was NOT being audited by the I.R.S. Instead, the government claimed I actually could have extra money coming! I had to double-check this letter, to make sure it wasn't from that suspicious tax office on Second Avenue....

The person who reviewed my Form 1040 noted I did NOT take advantage of the Earned Income Tax Credit, even though I seemed to be eligible. Yes, the I.R.S. actually noticed something like this in my favor - leading me to think this department is filled with Republicans from top to bottom.

To be honest, I didn't think I qualified for the Earned Income Tax Credit. The reason: I don't have any children. Go ahead, you gold-digging women - drag me on "The Maury Povich Show" if you dare....

I thought the Earned Income Credit only applied to people with children. But this letter from the I.R.S. pointed out that's NOT true. Even SINKs could take advantage of it -- you know, Single Income No Kids.

The letter included a four-question checklist, to see if I qualified for the Earned Income Credit. Sure enough, I did. Once again, I'd made a mistake preparing my own tax return -- although I remained smart enough to save money, by paying someone to do the work for me.

All I had to do was sign the letter and mail it back to the Memphis I.R.S. office to receive an extra 17 dollars. But here I recalled another reason why I overlooked the Earned Income Credit. I was already getting ALL my withheld tax money back, as a refund. Now you see why I didn't mention taxes, until the check reached my mailbox.

A modest income combined with contributions to my Individual Retirement Account allowed me to reclaim every penny of my federal withholding tax. To borrow what a billboard years ago in Atlanta said - I.R.A. sure beats I.R.S.

But since I was getting all the withheld tax money back, why should I get 17 extra dollars with the Earned Income Tax Credit? If anything, this seemed like an UN-earned credit - like getting a refund plus interest. Unearned runs are OK in baseball, but this seemed very different.

On top of that, national newscasts had noted in recent days how some tax preparation offices are turning the Earned Income Credit into an illegal loophole. Customers are getting refunds when they really should not - and the federal grant money to improve the Columbus Chamber of Commerce office has to come from somewhere.

I could have thrown away the I.R.S. letter had I been disqualified from the Earned Income Credit. But since I qualified, I squeezed in a two-line note on the signature line saying I "decline to take the credit." It felt to me like stealing - and I pay for my mistakes at other times. Take missing a turn, with gas at $2.69 a gallon....

The I.R.S. office in Memphis may overlook my two-line note, and send me a check for 17 extra dollars anyway. If it does, I'll probably bank it - but if any members of my church congregation are reading this, I WOULD tithe on it. I trust gifts from friends much more than one from the government.

BLOG UPDATE: The neighborhood around 35^th Street and Sixth Avenue received a visit Saturday from the "Columbus Dream Center." I saw the initials CDC and feared for a minute the area now had a deadly disease problem....

Members of the Dream Center picked up trash in the neighborhood, while offering low-income residents free food and haircuts. But it apparently lacks the money to provide the dream many residents probably long to receive - affordable housing in nicer parts of Columbus.

Now a quick Sunday spin around other things we've noticed this weekend:

+ Which Columbus police officer was spotted checking e-mail in a local library -- in uniform, with a police scanner, and driving squad car #542? I suppose this officer could have been on break. And I should note this was in a part of town not known for doughnut shops.

+ The Dolly Madison bread store on Victory Drive which is famous for low gas prices announced it now accepts major credit cards. So now the only things there which still date from the 1980's are the gas pumps.

+ Clason Kyle autographed copies of a new book he's written, about the history of the Springer Opera House. If he didn't get any interviews with those presumed Springer ghosts, forget it....

+ Young people who attend Evangel Temple carried a giant cross down the Riverwalk as a fund-raising project. Imagine if Jesus had thought of this 2,000 years ago. He could have escaped the death sentence, by hiring a good attorney.

(Which reminds me - have you noticed no Columbus megachurches have called off Easter services today, the way some did for Christmas? Do you think it's because people have more money to put in the offering plates?)

+ Ground was broken for the first Habitat for Humanity home in Marion County. I never realized this county was so filled with wealthy people....

(Habitat founder Millard Fuller attended the groundbreaking. Perhaps he's made peace with the organization which fired him last year. Or perhaps he's on a grassroots campaign to head for Americus and stage a coup.)

+ The White House announced President Bush will visit Tuskegee University Wednesday. Hopefully the President's aides will brief him before the trip - and point out at Tuskegee, "old school" means a song from the 1970's.

+ Instant Message to McDonald's: About your billboard on the Oglethorpe Bridge - not even Governor Riley put a "Welcome to Alabama" sign that close to the Chattahoochee River. Is that Ronald McDonald's home state or something?

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: A Monday blog entry is NOT guaranteed, because of a tight schedule. We'll see....)

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for 15 APR 06: LUCKY NUMBER UNLEAVENED?

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: You may find this humorous, serious, or a little of both - but from time to time, we offer things to reflect upon as we keep the seventh-day Sabbath.)

The time: Tuesday afternoon. The place: a Columbus Publix store. I had a few groceries to buy. And in front of me in the express lane stood a woman holding two bulk-sized boxes of Manischewitz matzos -- seemingly enough for both Jewish synagogues in town to keep an emergency supply through hurricane season.

But something was unusual here -- because the woman in front of me in line holding the boxes was African-American. If she was Jewish, then I had finally met someone inspired by the life of Sammy Davis, Junior.

I took a moment to put the clues together - an African-American woman with lots of matzos, only hours before believing Christians and Jews kept Passover. Given all this, I dared to ask the question: "What church do you attend?"

"Church?" she answered with surprise. "This has nothing to do with church." The odds of her attending a Columbus synagogue would have been long, no matter what her skin color.

But this woman with the matzos wasn't Jewish, either. "I'm from New York," she explained. "We grew up eating these.... I'm a Catholic." Well, I suppose that sort of bread WOULD be acceptable at mass.

The New York transplant obviously likes matzos. But she noted, "It's so hard to find these here" -- so that's why she was buying them in bulk. Publix cares, and has plenty in stock for the Passover season. Piggly Wiggly might try to mark down pork rinds instead.

For people who keep the Passover and a week called the "Days of Unleavened Bread," this is a time of year to avoid products with yeast or baking soda. It only seems like we're members of the Flat Earth Society -- the Flat Bread Society is more like it.

Why do believers go without leaven for a week? Believing Christians do it to symbolize putting sin out of their lives. Leaven can puff things up, such as biscuits and rolls -- and alleged sin came close to getting "Puff Daddy" put in prison a few years ago.

For those of us who have come to see the value of going unleavened for a week, we're thankful to the Author of the Bible for revealing such a thing. OK, maybe we aren't really a "lucky number" - we're a blessed number. But not blessed enough to win the Mega Millions jackpot yet....

COMING SUNDAY: A tax deadline stunner.... the I.R.S. wants me to have extra money?!?!....

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14 APR 06: K MY S

Hold it now - don't get the wrong idea. Out title is NOT a text message to Kansas State fans, atheists, or the staff of WRBL....

Our title refers to a big change which could be coming to Columbus streets. The parent company of "Circle K" stores is buying Spectrum - which means all the "S" signs could turn into K's. Now I'm concerned the Ku Klux Klan might attempt a local comeback.

We should note there's no guarantee at this point that all the Spectrum stores will be renamed Circle K. I suppose the new owners could rename only half of them - and at some intersections, visitors who don't know better will think they're competing against each other.

I didn't realize until this sale was announced that Circle K stores are Canadian-owned. I thought the chain had its headquarters in Arizona - but then again, maybe there was some big deal to sell Labatt's beer.

Overlooked in all the merger talk is the fact that Circle K and Spectrum both sell gasoline. Since Circle K has Canadian owners and Canada has oil reserves, shouldn't gas prices drop a bit from this merger? As long as fuel trucks avoid those extra-high prices in Illinois....

Circle K used to have stores in Georgia, but several in metro Atlanta were sold around 1990. So this buyout of Spectrum could mean the company is coming FULL-Circle K....

Some of you may be familiar with Circle K from its store in the heart of the Panama City Beach tourism zone. Maybe the management style there will move north, and we'll soon have big sales on suntan lotion and surfboards.

Spectrum has its headquarters in West Point, and early speculation is that the managers there might lose their positions due to this sale. Thankfully for them, a group of Kia executives could be looking at prison time in South Korea.

From a purely selfish viewpoint, I hope the new owners don't change the soda fountain rules at Spectrum stores. My 32-ounce "refill cup" gets filled with diet cola for 31 cents in my neighborhood -- so you see, there's still ONE thing you can buy there for less than one dollar a gallon.

E-MAIL UPDATE: "IsOurCitySafe" is online again -- but don't scroll down past his latest message, or you'll miss something revealing:

A recent study that our fine city government paid for (one of many) stated that in addition to the almost 40 police officers our city is lacking, we are in dire need of 100 more officers if we are to adequately provide quality service to our citizens of Columbus and have an adequate crime solvability rate. So according to the study, we are actually 140 officers short. The scariest thing about this information is that the study was completed BEFORE the military announced that Ft. Benning would be adding several thousand more soldiers to the area.

It still amazes me that all of the surrounding counties are scrambling to prepare for the arriving soldiers, but our city government is still saying we are prepared. WOW ! They must know something I don't know and I am actually out there answering 911 calls for service.

Sincerely,

Brent "Wade Sheridan" Rollins

Before we get to his point - what's this, a name change? If this man is using aliases because he's really on the run from police somewhere....

So it appears Wade Sheridan was the "nom de web" for someone else. Maybe he should go to middle and high schoolers, and explain to teenagers why they should do this with their Myspace pages.

But anyway: can Columbus find 140 qualified police officers to fill all its open positions and suggested positions? It's taken a long time simply to find enough truck drivers to work for The Waggoners....

This message leaves me wondering how the study defines an "adequate crime solvability rate." For some of us, 100 percent isn't adequate - it's expected.

We're honestly not sure if Wade/Brent reads this blog often -- but an item from Monday's entry brought a personal response:

+ A driver led police on a wild chase across the 13^th Street Bridge from Columbus to Phenix City. A woman complained to me a Phenix City officer watched the speeding SUV run a red light at Broad Street, but didn't break off a left turn to join the pursuit. This woman concluded it was a protest of low police pay. I didn't know "IsOurCitySafe" was married.

Richard,

That's funny as hell !

Brent "Wade Sheridan" Rollins

Thank you, sir -- but I thought that "H-word" defined Columbus with a shortage of police officers.

We have one more e-mail, about an item on TV news:

Burkard,

Please tell me that shot you all used on XTX of those to unidentified bodies were artist reconstructions and NOT the actual bodies. I know the coroner likes to show off his collection of the gruetesque, and I also know you're a producer in that building, so you got the goods. Real or not?

AR

Sorry, AR, I don't know the answer to your question. I didn't see WXTX "News at Ten" Wednesday night when the story appeared, and I can't call what I didn't see. Not that it doesn't stop other bloggers, of course....

Those three unidentified bodies appeared in other newscasts Wednesday, but I didn't pay attention to them. All the friends I have are identified, none of them seem to be missing -- and I don't have any debt collectors breathing down my neck.

Now a quick check of other items from the last day or two:

+ Alabama's Governor signed a bill increasing the minimum amount residents must earn before paying income taxes. Signs at the ceremony said, "Cutting Taxes for Alabama" -- leading me to wonder how the state could afford to pay for those signs.

+ The Disney on Ice production of "Finding Nemo" opened at the Columbus Civic Center. I'm sorry, but I'm very concerned about this. They could ruin the Civic Center's ice rink, poking a hole in it to search for Nemo underwater.

(At least one bus filled with children from Schley County Schools attended a special Thursday morning performance of "Finding Nemo." Perhaps their field trip to the Georgia Aquarium was rerouted, to save fuel costs.)

+ For some odd reason, the Columbus Catfish played a special "hooky" game at 11:00 a.m. Didn't Muscogee County Schools have spring break LAST week? Or was this a reward for all the students who sat through the "Drug-Free You and Me" conference?

(At least one bus filled with students from the Phenix City Schools watched Columbus lose to Charleston 7-1. Maybe this "field trip" was to find secrets to beating Russell County High School.)

+ Instant.Message to District Attorney Gray Conger: That was a smart move on your part - having Assistant D.A. Maggie Bagley prosecute that father accused of shaking his baby to death. Putting an attractive blonde in front of Judge Bobby Peters was simply brilliant.

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12 APR 06: MR. CLEAN

Victory came at about 11:30 this morning, in our annual Serious Spring Cleaning. For more than five weeks I've been filling trash bags, dusting off all sorts of items -- and waking up more hideouts of cockroaches than I honestly expected.

The church denomination I attend practices the Biblical "Days of Unleavened Bread," and we tend to take it very seriously. We even clean toasters of leaven -- and so there I was in the kitchen Tuesday night being a C.S.I.: Crumb Scene Investigator.

The kitchen is usually the last thing in my home to be cleaned. Today's final tasks included clearing out the refrigerator - and if Atlanta TV news anchor Monica Kaufman is reading this, I remember an offhand remark you made several years ago. Some single guys DO have more than a couple of things in refrigerators....

The refrigerator cleaning meant dumping one item which had sat untouched for months. I wouldn't have given that bag of rotten apples to horses....

One big change in my kitchen cleaning this year was that I dumped a lot of empty plastic containers - the ones supermarket bakeries use to hold sweet rolls and cookies. I thought they could make nice storage boxes. But chocolate chip-scented neckties might puzzle some people.

As my last blog entry probably made clear, I try to recycle as much as I can during spring cleaning. This morning brought one more stop at the metal recycling center - this time with a bag of aluminum foil. All those Hershey's Kisses wrappers can add up, you know.

(But the price of foil is only five cents a pound - so the woman behind the window didn't even bother checking for my picture ID. Somehow she doubts police will come after me over a nickel.)

The final round of recycling also meant my third stop in about two weeks at the Valley Rescue Mission. The people there would appreciate your donations of paper and plastic bags. And unlike Publix stores, the mission doesn't discriminate - as black and dark blue plastic bags are accepted.

Because of commitments to the workplace, this blog and other projects, it takes me more than five weeks to clean and de-leaven everything in my home. Cleaning the car took about two hours - but at least the change I dropped between the seats seems like an interest payment.

Now let's put the vacuum cleaner away for a while, and catch up on some news from the last couple of days:

+ I filled my tank with gas for $2.58 a gallon, right as prices were jumping about a dime all over Columbus. When a station on a corner has a posted price of $2.59 in one direction and $2.70 the other direction [true/4th and Veterans], it's time to hurry.

(If the predictions about higher gas prices are right, the winner of Friday's $220 million Mega Millions jackpot might be able to fill up an SUV three times.)

+ Phenix City Police arrested several people who had a methamphetamine lab at the Regency Inn on the 280 Bypass. Hmmm - does that mean it's OK to stay at the Center City Motel again?

+ The Ledger-Enquirer reported plans are in the works for up to 700 new homes in Fort Mitchell. Maybe that will finally get a traffic light at U.S. 431 and Highway 165 -- either that, or someone will put blinking crosses on every corner of the intersection.

+ Voters in Auburn overwhelmingly supported using tax money for an expanded city library. I didn't realize the Auburn University library was so overflowing with city visitors....

+ WRBL news anchor Blaine Stewart admitted during the 5:00 p.m. news he has NOT started on his income taxes yet. Way to go, Creshon Saunders - put him in his place by calling him "Mr. Problem Solver."

+ The Columbus Catfish won their home opener at Golden Park, chewing up Charleston 3-1. I've never seen so many signs on businesses promoting opening night - as if the owners haven't heard the stories about the Catfish moving to South Carolina next year.

+ Instant Message to Goody's on Bradley Park Drive: Nice try - putting those cups of punch and trays of cookies just inside the front door. I read the sign ON the door, saying no eating and drinking are allowed. Will we see pictures of the violators on "Dateline NBC" before long?

COMING SOON: Why did the Catholic buy boxes of matzos?.... and a brand new blog from "Wunderdog...."

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11 APR 06: CANS OR CANNOT

Instant Message to the young men from Columbus who started the "Dumb Laws" web site: I may have found one for you. I've found a city where you have to show a driver's license to recycle aluminum cans. And you guys really should come home more often, to stay current on these things....

Did you know you have to show identification to recycle aluminum cans in Columbus? I discovered this Monday, when I took my annual trip to a metal recycling center. It was time to turn in my big bag full of soda cans - almost all of them personally stomped flat by me, for exercise.

The metal recycling center at Sixth and Sixth is paying very well for aluminum cans these days: 40 cents a pound. Public TV's "Nightly Business Report" noted Monday night aluminum prices are at a 17-year high. There's never been a better time to clean up weekend picnics at the park....

In this year's aluminum can weigh-in, I bagged a six-pounder. That may amount to something in recycling centers, but wouldn't impress anyone in pro bass fishing.

But when I stepped up to the payoff window at the recycling center, the big surprise came. Posted not once but TWICE on the wall was a Columbus city code section, saying you must provide identification to sell aluminum or steel cans. Is someone pulling a con job, and selling painted plastic cups?

The posted section of Columbus city code says you have to submit a name, address and a form of identification such as a driver's license. I realize people are concerned about artificial sweeteners - but an instant background check on diet cola drinkers seems a bit out-of-hand.

I passed my driver's license through the slot in the window to the woman at the recycling center. In fact, I handed over the entire wallet. "You can go ahead and put all the money in there," I joked. Thankfully, she did NOT conclude it was a stickup.

There wasn't much money to put in my wallet. If you haven't already done the math, my bag of aluminum cans earned me $2.40. Before you dismiss this, remember one thing - that's enough for two double cheeseburgers on the McDonald's value menu.

So what's with the postings of Columbus city code on the wall? I asked the woman behind the window, and she recalled Columbus Council passing it about a year ago. The reason had something to do with "copper wire sales." I think she meant the metal, not the slang word for police....

This explanation suddenly made a lot of sense. Several news reports in the last couple of years have told of people stealing copper wire from power substations and construction sites, then selling it for big money. It's enough to make penny collectors put their coins in a safe deposit box.

The posted section of city code actually made me think of homeless people. Some of them pick up cans on the street and recycle them for money. If they traveled to NASCAR parking lots on a race day, they might never have to beg again....

But regular readers know from my encounters with beggars that many of them don't have identification. How do they get money by selling beer and soda cans in Columbus now? Do they wait outside recycling centers for drivers to represent them - the exact opposite of people seeking front-row seats at concerts?

I suppose if you put aluminum cans in your Columbus Recycling Blue Bin and leave them at the curb, they're still collected as usual. But remember, selling metal for money these days means you have to verify who you are. And who knows - recycling centers may check the DNA on anything looking like braces.

Now for other scattered litter from Monday's news:

+ Which area home builder faces a lawsuit by his business partner, claiming about $10,000 in unpaid expenses? And on top of that, the builder is the partner's landlord - and has tried to evict him? Maybe it's a hint for this partner to enter another line of work....

+ Public Defender Richard Smith was arrested on six counts of child molestation. Somewhere, the very different Georgia State Rep. Richard Smith adjusted his campaign literature to call himself Ricky.

(Authorities in Harris County fear the public defender may have molested several members of the Boys Choir of Columbus. If their suspicions are right, it's truly sick - and this suspect should let the boys make high notes naturally.)

+ Residents in the 3000 block of Plantation Court complained to WXTX "News at Ten" about a boarded-up home which has been vacant for more than 20 years. But a city official declared it's technically in compliance with city code. Maybe the neighbors should offer it to Fort Benning, for target practice.

+ "USA Today" reported AFLAC executive Dan Amos earned more than $38 million in total compensation last year. More than $24 million of that was in stock options - so you'll understand if he prays for all shareholders to have very long and happy lives.

+ Faith Middle School at Fort Benning announced its students set three world records, at an international cup stacking competition in Colorado. Suddenly a sport called Power Frisbee doesn't seem so far-fetched after all....

+ The Atlanta Hawks lost at Orlando 105-88, as O-Town's Stacey Augmon played his 1,000^th N.B.A. game. I recall watching him play for the Hawks at the old Omni -- and taking signs to appear on TV saying, "Augmon-tation!"

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: Our next blog entry will not occur until after we finish Serious Spring Cleaning. We hope to post a combined Wednesday-Thursday edition sometime Wednesday afternoon....)

Your PayPal donations can build a better blog, and keep it independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

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10 APR 06: ARENA YOU KIDDING?

Our sympathies to the Auburn University athletic department, on Sunday's death of Billy Hitchcock. The baseball field is officially "Hitchcock Field at Plainsman Park." But I hope no one gets the tacky idea of burying him there, and using that spot as a pitcher's mound.

What does Auburn University athletics need most right now? The interim president might make you believe it's a new sports arena - while a number of alumni probably would say Auburn really needs a replacement for the interim president.

I admittedly hadn't been keeping close watch on Auburn sports, so I was amazed when I read the other day that Interim President Ed Richardson would like a new basketball arena. I could understand a new TEAM, but not a new arena....

Beard-Eaves Memorial Coliseum is 38 years old, and received extensive renovations only about ten years ago. So is that old enough to justify a new Auburn arena? I mean, isn't the football stadium a few years older than that?

Ed Richardson says he already has $10 million in pledges for a new basketball arena at Auburn University. I guess I could get used to the name "Bobby Lowder Pavilion...."

So why does Beard-Eaves Memorial Coliseum need replacing? Ed Richardson offers several reasons:

+ It has an old sound system and video board. Well, it WOULD be nice to watch DVD's when the game is a blowout.

+ The weight room is considered inadequate. C'mon, coach Tuberville - your football players can share.

+ Locker space is limited. I didn't think this would be an issue, as we move from boom-boxes to iPods.

But Ed Richardson seems to be overlooking something in all his talk about a new basketball arena. Auburn can't fill the arena it has right now! Only the Alabama game was a sellout this past season for the men's team. And non-conference games against Jacksonville State and Winthrop don't exactly inspire a ticket frenzy.

On top of that, Ed Richardson dares to say Auburn basketball is "heading in the right direction." Maybe the women's team is. But the men's team?! Pieces of it have headed to Indiana, Florida State, and other places....

The talk of a new Auburn arena seems about three years too late to me. The time to promote that was when the Tigers had a top-ten men's team. These days, the "top ten" list involves how many players have left since Jeff Lebo became coach.

If someone asked me to make suggestions for improving Auburn basketball, I obviously would NOT suggest a new arena. There are other easy steps to take:

+ Have a doubleheader of basketball and swimming - since we know the swim teams will come out on top.

+ Play one or two home games at the Columbus Civic Center. Yes, I said Columbus - a place with a bigger population, a large base of Auburn fans, and enough Columbus State graduates to explain to the Tigers how to play winning ball.

+ Change the advertising along the side of the court. Who knows how many top scholar-athletes have been scared away by that big aid saying "YELLA!"

(I mentioned that last one awhile back to a friend of mine, and he said the best students weren't going to Auburn already -- while the best basketball players probably didn't notice the spelling problem.)

SPAM-A-RAMA: The price of gas across Columbus jumped back above $2.50 over the weekend - and my pastor at church called the increases "gouging." He said this during a sermon on the hardened heart of Egypt's Pharaoh. So can someone find Charlton Heston, send him to the Middle East and have him start a new uprising?

Before the latest local price rise, a friend in another state sent me an e-mail idea that's making the rounds of cyberspace. It suggests boycotting ExxonMobil, which just became the largest company on the "Fortune 500." But I think environmentalists did this after the Exxon Valdez leak - and look where we are now.

Someone named "Phillip Hollsworth" suggests not buying any gasoline from ExxonMobil for the rest of the year, to send a statement to big oil companies. Trouble is, people in Columbus can't really take part in this -- since the closest Exxon station around here is at the east edge of Auburn.

The e-mail suggests you pass the boycott idea on to ten people -- and eventually 300 million people will unite to boycott ExxonMobil, "until they lower their prices to the $1.30 range and keep them down." Of course, BP and Shell might have to move their prices higher to cover the increased customer demand....

It's always good to check an e-mail such as this one with an "Internet legends" web site -- and one of them noted this boycott message has been circulating on the Internet for five years! Yet ExxonMobil's profits have increased -- showing again how powerful the Web really is.

I happen to have an Exxon credit card - only it's a MasterCard, which provides gas rebates based on all my purchases. The last time I went to Exxon in Auburn, the rebates allowed me to buy gas for about $1.68 a gallon. Now THAT'S beating the system - unless I buy overpriced soda inside.

Now for some quick notes from a picture-perfect Sunday:

+ Which family in north Columbus sold its home Sunday night in an unusual auction - with the "best bidder" winning? Signs promoting this were all over Weems Road this weekend. Someone who passed on the St. Jude Dream Home drawing for $100 might have gained an even better deal.

(Are we going to see more of this in Columbus, as thousands of soldiers and auto workers move to this area? Will homes be sold at pricy auctions, with plenty of demand? People living on Cusseta Road probably are praying for it....)

+ A driver led police on a wild chase across the 13^th Street Bridge from Columbus to Phenix City. A woman complained to me a Phenix City officer watched the speeding SUV run a red light at Broad Street, but didn't break off a left turn to join the pursuit. This woman concluded it was a protest of low police pay. I didn't know "IsOurCitySafe" was married.

(This witness told me the SUV driver raced down 13^th Street on "three tires and a rim," finally crashing near Mike and Ed's Barbecue on Crawford Road. That barbecue smell can distract almost any driver....)

+ The Columbus RiverCenter presented the first night of a dance production from Australia called "Tap Dogs." And all this time I thought a Tap Dog was a St. Bernard with a keg around its neck, rescuing skiers.

+ Former Phenix City Mayor and current Russell County Commissioner Peggy Martin told the Ledger-Enquirer she'll run for Ted Little's State Senate seat. The issue in this election will be clear - do we want a Little more, or a Little less?

+ Instant Message to the driver of a Buick Rendezvous with the Alabama tag saying "PUGH GAL": Is that a campaign ad on the back -- or are you simply promoting Tillman Pugh's insurance agency?

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REVISION 1....

9 APR 06: SIXTH NO-SENSE

It's been a very rough week in one Columbus neighborhood. An area of five blocks by two blocks has seen a homicide, a shooting and a house fire. You'd think someone in this zone would have made up for all that, by winning the Mega Millions jackpot Friday night....

The trouble started last Monday morning, with the discovery of a dead body in a car at 35^th Street and Sixth Avenue. It looked at first like a simple car crash, but someone inside the car was shot. It's like that theme song from "The Evidence" - one thing can lead to another.

As detectives tried to figure out who killed Kevin Stafford of Smiths Station, new trouble developed Tuesday night. A man was shot in the 3000 block of Sixth Avenue, less than five blocks away -- only this time he was NOT in a car, thus giving up a potential 4,000-pound and 70 mile-per-hour advantage.

Columbus Police say Quantavia Snellings shot Stephen Harrison in the knee, after the two quarreled about a "female friend." Somehow, I don't think they were debating how fast she can type at a word processor....

Quantavia Snellings might have shot Stephen Harrison, but Harrison might not have been exactly helpless. Police say they found Harrison with a baseball bat -- at 10:45 p.m. The practice sessions at nearby Northside Park must run extra-long, while students are on spring break.

(Yes, that ball field along Veterans Parkway is called "Northside Park," even though it's south of the River Road intersection and a long drive from Northside High School. I suppose it dates back to when Manchester Expressway really was a complete edge-of-town expressway.)

If those shootings were not enough, a home caught fire late Wednesday night in the 600 block of 33^rd Street. That's almost halfway between the shooting scenes -- enough to make you wonder if the shooters had run out of bullets for a few days.

So why is this little section of Sixth Avenue having all this trouble? Some residents say drug trafficking is a serious problem. DARE can stand for "Drug Abuse Resistance and Education" - but it also can mean, "don't dare go there late at night."

I wanted to see for myself what Sixth Avenue was all about, so I drove through the neighborhood on my way home from church Saturday afternoon. I'm thankful to say no one shot at me or offered me drugs - but then again, maybe the hoodlums were taking naps before sunset.

Sixth Avenue has one church between 35^th Street and a "dead end" sign at 30^th Street. It also has a lot of small, tightly-spaced older houses. If anyone living there has a lot of money, he probably keeps it quiet - because the neighborhood would know in no time, and might be a bit jealous.

This road also isn't that far from the Wilson Apartments - the place where residents shoot off fireworks for fun around July 4^th, in violation of state law. So maybe Sixth Avenue is considered a step up the economic ladder. And it's only a few miles down River Road from Green Island Estates....

As far as we know, the three incidents this past week are NOT connected. But the fact that they happened so close to each other ought to have the attention of Columbus Public Safety. This pocket of trouble along Sixth Avenue may deserve a police sweep -- and in case residents protest, go armed with newspapers.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Readers are setting us straight on several things today - starting with an Instant Message we sent to Phil Carter at Bill Heard Chevrolet [2 Apr]:

I'm not aware of the Plymouth model.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pontiac_Tempest

Craig

Oops! Our apologies, Craig. The Tempest admittedly was before my driving age. Chrysler makes cars about clouds, not storms....

(You know: the Chrysler Cirrus, the Stratus - and I kept waiting for them to come out with a muscle car called the Cumulonimbus.)

My first car was a 1966 Impala, which my older brother sold to me for $500 after my first year of college. Serious spring cleaning at home showed me my gas mileage record for that car -- and on the highway I once reached 17.1 miles per gallon. That's the high, not the low....

Another message takes on two Friday topics at the same time:

Have not sent you anything before. I got this web site from Barb Jordan

I talked to Russ [Hollenbeck] Friday morning and he is not doing anymore Hosting ,,he is happy watchin' his grand kids.

I think Russ cut his pony tail off for a group some months back.

on the R C Corner,,also a Mark Godwin is running too-signs up in the county this weekend.

Daniel

Thanks for writing, Daniel - and I'll assume your last line is about the Russell County Coroner's race. I think the real "R.C. Corner" is at Tenth Avenue and Wynnton Road - where a Royal Crown Cola flag flies.

It's hard to believe Russ "a.k.a. Jerry Garcia" Hollenbeck chopped his ponytail. Perhaps he did it for "Locks of Love" - which is even stranger, because "love" and radio talk show hosts usually aren't mentioned together outside of tax cuts.

Now other weekend notes you may have missed:

+ Rough weather moved through Columbus, with a car skidding on Buena Vista Road and crashing into Midtown Pharmacy. Now I understand why Walgreens and CVS have drive-through lanes for prescriptions.

+ My Pastor at church preached against the "Veggie Tales" books and videos. If you think about it, he has a point. Cucumbers and tomatoes can't talk, so they're lying to our ignorant children.

(The pastor explained Bible stories are far more dramatic and exciting than anything the "silly Veggie Tales" can offer. Yeah, but the vegetables probably sing a lot better....)

+ First Presbyterian Church had a special Saturday evening Lenten Bible study on "Bloggers." I wasn't personally invited to this, so they probably were talking about all my false doctrines.

+ Country star Gretchen Wilson performed at the Columbus Civic Center, while hip-hop star Chris Brown performed next door at Golden Park. What a shame that "One Columbus" couldn't persuade these musicians to appear together....

+ Instant Message to the Krystal on Veterans Parkway near Airport Thruway: What's that new item on your sign - the "low-cab breakfast?" Do you pay the taxi bills to visit you, between 5:00 a.m. and 10:00 a.m.?

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $2.52 a gallon at Summit, 22^nd Avenue and Victory Drive.... Millie's Market Customer Appreciation Day today on South Lumpkin Road, perhaps with FREE food.... and sales on allergy medicine, after all the rain....

SCHEDULED MONDAY: Auburn University needs a new WHAT?....

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for 8 APR 06: ONE LAMB WAS ENOUGH

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: You may find this humorous, serious, or a little of both - but from time to time, we offer things to reflect upon as we keep the seventh-day Sabbath.)

Russell County authorities faced a strange mystery Friday. Who snuck onto a farm and shot 15 lambs to death? The animals apparently weren't even stolen -- or taken to a lamb chop shop.

The owner of Marengo Creek Farms near Ladonia can't understand why someone climbed over a fence early Thursday morning, and shot 15 of his 16 lambs. But he's guessing a neighbor may have held some sort of a grudge -- perhaps saying at some point, "Baaa, humbug!"

Here's hoping authorities catch the lamb-killer -- but the timing of this case is quite noteworthy. Next week Orthodox Jews will kill lambs to keep a Passover tradition. But shooting them on site isn't orthodox. Redneck maybe, but not orthodox....

It's also a time of year when believing Christians should think about a lamb as well. In fact, the Bible says this lamb was planned for the slaughter "before the foundation of the world." I think that was even before the Bradley-Turner Foundation was set up.

God really only needed one lamb to die, to bring a great plan for man to reality. But it had to be a perfect lamb, without a spot or blemish. Nowadays it's hard to even find ANY lamb at supermarkets - much less spotless ones.

You'd think the only way to have a perfect lamb is to quarantine it from birth, keeping it in an isolation pen. But amazingly, God brought us a lamb which openly walked among imperfect people. He even sat down to dine with them -- yet escaped becoming the main course for years.

Do you know this lamb I'm talking about? If you don't, open the Bible to the New Testament book of I Peter sometime this weekend and read about it. This lamb truly is worth knowing. That Russell County criminal can shoot 15 more if he dares - but without God's perfect lamb, he'll be the one facing the roast sooner or later.

COMING SUNDAY: Two square miles of trouble.... and e-mail about an old car....

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7 APR 06: WHAT, ME WURY?

The Columbus Catfish opened their new season Thursday night at Greenville. The opening game was NOT broadcast on local radio - but then again, the Vipers and Cottonmouths have shown that's the key to a winning record.

BLOG EXCLUSIVE: While spinning around the radio dial looking for the Catfish game, I found something unexpected - a new FM station playing soft religious music. It apparently signed on from Seale in the last couple of weeks. So while the Catfish may not have a home, Russell County High School baseball could.

You can find the new station at 97.1 FM, but it may hard to hear in parts of Columbus. It's one of those "low-power" radio stations - which makes two low-power stations in town, focusing on a Higher Power you'd think would be much stronger.

(I heard this station with soft music near FM 96, and for a few minutes I thought hardline Baptists had taken over Beacon University's radio station to stop the Christian rock tunes.)

The new radio station is quirky for several reasons, besides its weak signal. Take the call letters - WURY-FM. You'd think a religious radio station wouldn't make me WURY all the time....

Then there's the denomination behind WURY - the Seventh-Day Adventist church. If you know anything about this group, you may realize the song "White Christmas" could refer to prophet Ellen G. White.

Online records show the Uchee Pines Institute of the Seventh-Day Adventists has been working on this radio station for more than two years. A construction permit was granted in October 2003 - and then the members apparently collected offerings of a few watts at a time.

WURY may not have any local programs. Instead, it's broadcasting a Seventh-Day Adventist network from California called "Radio 74 Internationale." I'm not sure why it's called Radio 74. Perhaps it's because the music is so "easy listening," that's the average age of the audience.

Radio 74 Internationale is on satellite, as well as about 25 FM stations from coast to coast. All of them are low-power stations - so if you drive too fast down the highway, you might miss it.

So what makes WURY different from the two other traditional Christian stations on Columbus FM radio? From what I heard Thursday night, very little - except that it plays a lot of music without a lot of preaching. And surprisingly for the Adventists, no one urged me to buy veggie burgers....

WURY also stops the music to read from the Bible every three hours. The other FM Christian stations only do it two or three times a day -- those wimpy backsliders.

Now let's stop WURY-ing about this, and consider other news items from Thursday:

+ The group "Citizens Against Government Waste" reported Congress gave Columbus $250,000 last year for its Train Depot. If this is the same depot that the Chamber of Commerce calls home, this is strange. I thought the Chamber promoted free enterprise and business growth, not socialism.

+ Alabama Gas announced a four-percent rate reduction. In fact, it took effect last Saturday. So they announced a rate cut about five days late, and in April?! Some utilities need new public relations departments....

+ John Morgan took the oath of office as Russell County's new coroner. He's a former paramedic, with a gray-haired ponytail - tempting me to wonder if he's really former "TalkLine" host Russ Hollenbeck with a falsified resume.

(John Morgan plans to run for Russell County Coroner in November. One announced opponent is Arthur Sumbry Jr., who goes by the nickname "Pee Wee." A coroner named Pee Wee?! That belongs on a "Blue Collar TV" parody of "C.S.I.")

+ Russell County held a training session for storm spotters. Could we please have one of these in Columbus, so the bogus warning sirens can stop for a while?

+ WRBL's new meteorologist Harmony Mendoza declared at 5:00 p.m. an 81-degree temperature was "very very warm" - then said at 6:00 p.m. it was "pretty mild." Someone must have told this woman she's not in Chicago anymore....

+ Auburn University's College of Liberal Arts invited high school sophomores to campus, for "C.L.A. Day." I'm not sure that's the right name for this event. Friends will ask these students, "You C.L.A.?" - and the next thing you know, they'll enroll in Los Angeles.

+ Meanwhile, the national champion Auburn swim teams were honored at the White House. The men's team presented President Bush with Speedo swimming trunks. If Bill Clinton still was President, the women's team might have handed him a string bikini.

+ The National Football League's 2006 schedule was announced, with only one Monday night game for Atlanta. The Falcons will face the Saints September 25, in the first game at the New Orleans Superdome since Hurricane Katrina. In related news, Lysol was named the Falcons' official disinfectant.

+ Instant Message #2 to T&T Tires on Veterans Parkway: Ohhhh - it's MARTIN Taylor, not Mark. My apologies. He talked faster in his TV commercial than my ears could hear him - but I'm not sure that's a good thing.

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6 APR 06: FLOWER POWER

You certainly could tell it was spring Wednesday on the Phenix City Riverwalk. One group of people planted flowers. Another group tossed flowers in the Chattahoochee River. It's that sort of recycling which reminds me - Earth Day is only 16 days away.

Two different organizations had a similar theme on the Phenix City Riverwalk. Flowers were planted to remember everyone who is a victim of rape. Perhaps a security camera should be installed there, to see if Dr. Eric Buffong stops by....

The people tossing flowers were marking a "Day of Hope." Children who have died from sexual abuse were remembered with carnations thrown into the Chattahoochee River. Some of those who participated may want guilty parents executed -- so the phrase, "this will hurt me more than it hurts you" actually happens.

While some flowers can be sober and symbolic, others can be joyous. The people at Callaway Gardens say this is the peak time to come out and admire their azaleas. This proves it pays to finish your tax return before mid-March.

The trouble with azaleas around here is that they seem to lose their blooms too soon. One building on Wynnton Road had colorful flowers less than two weeks ago - but now the pink and purple are practically gone. If only some businesses would see that movie "The Constant Gardener...."

A couple of people in the complex where I live seem to have vegetable gardens going this spring. I'm not an expert when it comes to knowing what they're growing. But if those residents start sniffing the plants on their knees, I'm calling police.

My only contribution to the spring greenery is a potted plant which has sat all winter on my kitchen table. It was given to the family after my Dad died five years ago, and it's still in fairly good shape thanks to a little cup of water every day. Do you think it's the added fluoride?

I have a little garden shovel, but I've never used it. It's all because I attended a weekend church seminar on gardening in Jefferson, Georgia about 17 years ago. I still have a notebook and a big instruction book - but I'm a renter, and the landlord's lawnmowing man could ruin my plans at any time.

I even have a seed packet, ready for planting one of these days. My old alma mater sent me a pack of daisies years ago, since the west part of campus is known as "Daisy Hill." No, you cartoon-loving scoffers - there's NO puppy farm on Daisy Hill....

But anyway: perhaps someday I'll actually own a home -- and then I'll pull out the garden shovel, plant the daisies and watch them grow. Of course, there's another alternate use for all those items. I'll have to add that stipulation to my will.

Now that we've spent time in the gardens, let's check some other news from an admittedly slow Wednesday:

+ The late-night news reported Smiths Station Animal Hospital is clearing room for a new larger clinic. This should settle it once and for all - Smiths Station is no longer a one-horse town.

+ Alabama's Governor signed a bill toughening the penalties for passing stopped school buses. This shows how times have changed in Alabama - because the state isn't encouraging fancy moves by potential NASCAR drivers anymore.

(Under this new law, serial school bus passers could be fined $3,000 and have a felony put on their records. Or as some rap stars might call it -- Step One.)

+ The Columbus State University softball team jumped to eighth in the national rankings, after not even appearing in the poll the week before. It's awfully tempting to say these women are going through a hot flash....

+ Instant Message to Mark Taylor of T&T Tires on Veterans Parkway: Aren't you going to have to adjust that TV commercial in a few weeks - to explain you're NOT the one who's running for governor?

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5 APR 06: ROAD GAMES

"I think this is newsworthy!" the woman exclaimed to me over the phone Tuesday. She claimed she had just witnessed a Columbus city crew painting a street - not with a machine, but with paint rollers like you'd use on the wall. Is "Extreme Makeover" adding a road edition?

If you can find Maple Brook Court, you'll find the street the woman was describing. She says a four-person crew used rollers to paint that street Tuesday. But then, this woman had to call twice to get the street name correct -- so maybe teenagers on spring break were marking the street for touch football.

"It's a ridiculous use of tax dollars," the woman told me about the paint job. In a way, she may have a point. Why do we need a dashed line down the middle of Maple Brook Court? Shouldn't drivers in a neighborhood with that sort of fancy name know which side of the street to use?

When I told someone else about the upset woman, he noted something I'd never realized. Perhaps, he said, tar was being rolled on Maple Brook Court for sealing purposes. So it's not only the Gothic look, it's actually functional....

Another theory occurred to me long after I took Tuesday's call. Perhaps the city of Columbus is using inmate work crews to paint streets, and the prisoners were being punished for missing a spot.

That's not the only amazing discovery on local roadways nowadays. WRBL reported Tuesday a Phenix City police officer found a six-foot-long boa constrictor on Seale Road. The fact that the boa is still alive tells you something about Alabamians. In Oklahoma, it would be a pair of boots already.

Snake experts believe the boa constrictor was brought to Phenix City, since it is "not native" to this area. At least the Chattahoochee Valley Vipers use some natives, like quarterback J.R. Revere....

The Phenix City officer who found the boa constrictor on Seale Road did NOT shoot it on the spot. That incident involving Rep. Cynthia McKinney and the U.S. Capitol Police force already is having an impact.

The One Stop Pet Shop in Phenix City has custody of the big boa, until the rightful owner is found. C'mon out of hiding, whoever you are -- because I want to know which church in this area still practices snake-handling.

E-MAIL UPDATE: No spring cleanup of the InBox would be complete without something from Mayor Bob Poydasheff's worst nightmare. The latest mass mailing from "Is Our City Safe" says:

I remember when I posed this question to our city leaders: Are we ready to deal with returning soldiers and new soldiers to our area as far as providing emergency services?

The response was a sarcastic one: What do you think they are going to come back, move here and go nuts?

Here are some highlights from an ABC news report concerning soldiers returning from war.

It is titled: Soldiers Describe 'Emotional Roller Coaster' Upon Return From War....

The above response from our city councilors seems more and more insensitive toward our soldiers the more I read about the problems soldiers encounter when they return from war. You would think that leaders of a city supported by Fort Benning would be a little more concerned about the welfare of our troops than to say "What do you think, they are going to come back, move here and go nuts?"

Vote them out!

Wade Sheridan

Proud supporter or our Military.

The ABC News report is lengthy, so I'll only post it if there's interest. But it noted one-third of the military personnel who invaded Iraq in 2003 sought mental health counseling after they returned to the U.S. So did they drive Saddam Hussein crazy, or vice versa?

The ABC article focuses on National Guard personnel, and claims the general rule is to leave them alone for three months after returning from a combat area. Fort Benning's Third Brigade received only a 30-day leave earlier this year -- yet there wasn't any violence when that soldier won the St. Jude Dream Home.

Some soldiers face personal battles with everything from drug use to spouse abuse after returning from combat duty. Some turn into gamblers - which suddenly makes all the Texas Hold 'em Poker nights in Columbus a valuable public service.

If Wade Sheridan is waiting for a Jonestown-style series of shootings at Fort Benning, it hasn't happened yet. And the better answer to the emotional problems he cites isn't really in emergency services - it's in counseling and prevention.
Where DO they hold the U.S.O. dances around here?

Speaking of emergency service: Columbus Council was informed Tuesday the 911 center will be upgraded, so more radio channels can be recorded along with police and fire traffic. The center will record animal control radios, city work crew radios - and to really be proactive, it ought to record 101.3 "Da Beat."

With that, the InBox is finally empty - so let's put down the dust cloth, and check other items from Tuesday:

+ Phenix City Police Chief Brian McGarr told WRBL he plans to exchange the department's Smith and Wesson pistols for new Glock pistols. The swap will cost $42,000 - so if you see the entire force riding bicycles as gas prices go up this summer, you'll know why.

+ Georgia state officials confirmed the groundbreaking of the Kia plant in West Point has been delayed for a few weeks. Perhaps it's because the Kia President has been barred from leaving South Korea, due to a political scandal. Turning dirt via a video-conference call simply isn't quite the same....

+ Georgia Rep. Lynn Westmoreland told GPB's "Georgia Weekly" if the allies had not invaded Iraq, Saddam Hussein would have joined forces with Iran by now to take on the U.S. Apparently Westmoreland wasn't a history major -- because he forgets Iraq and Iran spent years fighting each other in the 1980's.

+ A team of Auburn University students won the "Quad Squad" competition on MTV - and their prize includes a year's supply of Snickers bars. Some of us can remember when college students cared about fighting world starvation....

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4 APR 06: BOOKS A DOZEN

So how did you do Monday, using the telephone? Did you dial ten digits for local Columbus calls - or did you forget a time or two, and blame it on your body clock still switching to daylight time?

Even a plugged-in guy like WFXE-FM "Foxie 105's" Michael Soul admitted he got caught trying to make a phone call with seven digits Monday. I figured he would know the 4-1-1 on the 7-0-6....

Several things were NOT changed in time for ten-digit dialing, and may not be adjusted for as much as a year. I'm talking about the various Columbus phone books. You'll have to add to all the listings on your own - so is it possible to have a three-digit "speed dial" to save some of the stress?

Have you noticed how many different phone books are being promoted in Columbus these days? I saw a commercial Monday evening promoting "The Real Yellow Pages" - the one BellSouth publishes. It almost leads me to wonder if the white pages are fake....

BellSouth used to have the one and only phone book, but competitors have come along in recent years. You may have see the ads promoting a new "Yellow Book," with a "Y-B-Yellow" phone number. That's my question exactly - why be yellow, when the pages can be light blue or green?

Then there's the "Mini-Book" published by a company on Fortson Road. It's smaller than your usual phone book, and
billed as perfect for your car. Isn't this reassuring? Drivers look down to thumb through the pages with one hand, while holding their cell phone with the other.

The publishers of the Mini-Book promise something new this spring - a "Mega-Book." Ads promise the listings will be in "huge print." That will be nice for older people with vision problems - if the book isn't too heavy to carry to the living room phone.

Perhaps the biggest competition for BellSouth's Yellow Pages is the phone book TransWestern Publishing prints. It's been delivered to my home for several years - but I pity attorney Mark Casto. His photo on the current back cover is perfect for doodling, while callers are on hold.

So why are there so many phone books? They all seem to compete for the same thing - advertising in the yellow business pages. And in an era of multiple phones in homes, each company can have a room all by itself to avoid direct collisions.

BellSouth's new ad campaign is designed to keep advertisers from running to those other phone books. The ads claim businesses get the most results from "The Real Yellow Pages." But could that be because most people can't tell the real from an imitation -- sort of like putting cups of Starbucks and Denny's coffee side-by-side?

BellSouth's competition look for other points to give their yellow listings a sales advantage. The Mini-Book boasts of "over $1,000 in coupons." That may be nice for families - but for single guys in apartments like me, I really don't need $100 off on aluminum siding.

The Mini-Book also may be the only phone book in town you have to buy. The flyer I have indicates it costs $14.95 - for a book so small, it might fly out your car window on a windy day.

My computer room has two current Columbus phone books - the ones from BellSouth and TransWestern. They're stacked on top of each other, so neither one really has an edge. But I tend to lean toward BellSouth, since it actually is the phone company. For all I know, TransWestern may spend 11 months a year selling life insurance.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Spring cleaning of the InBox continues now, with a reply to last week's vent [31 Mar] about Columbus High School:

I honestly do not understand the antagonism of some towards Columbus High. Muscogee County students are offered an opportunity to attend the best public high school in the state; what's the harm in that? The curriculum at CHS is probably more rigorous than at other schools, but only hard work and motivation are needed to complete it. Entrance is predicated on passing an (easy) pre-algebra test, writing an essay, and other soft factors.

As far as I know, Columbus High gets very little supplemental funding, maybe enough to pay for an administrator. That they offer so many advanced courses is because they have the students who are qualified and willing to enroll in them. If the academically talented were uniformly distributed among the schools, each school would not have the resources to provide such a curriculum, and consequently the students would lose.

The students of average means would lose; the affluent would send their kids to Brookstone instead.

Before complaining that CHS is not overcrowded, consider that just 10 years ago, it was in danger of losing SACS accreditation due to the leaky roof. For years after the roof was repaired, it had moldy, rippled carpets and missing and damaged ceiling tiles. Termites were known to swarm in the rear wing, and the school had several trailer classrooms. The students (and faculty) are what made the Magnet successful, not an extravagant facility.

Thomas

I think I know what's behind the antagonism, Thomas. It's a basic fact of life in classrooms. Some teachers in the Muscogee County School District think Columbus High is the school board's pet -- though a pet Devil sounds strange.

Maybe some people have forgotten the poor building conditions of Columbus High in the 1990's. Of course, all they have to do is walk up the hill to parts of Wynnton Elementary today....

(I never realized Columbus High School had all those building problems a few years ago. If Coach Ashley Powell had known that, she might have been thankful for her closet office at another school and never filed that lawsuit.)

Now to the Kia critics in Troup County - and buckle the seat belt tightly for this one:

The simple fact that any of these backwoods out-of-work mill workers are complaining is only a testament to the entire mentality of that region. I am concerned, as I think others are about the labor pool in Lagrunge embarassing us. having employeed many people while I was in Lagrange, I have a first hand experience with the degenerates of that waste of land and air. These people collectively are amoung the most under educated ,rude and common sensically challenged mouth breathing neanderthals that iI have ever had the misfourtne of encountering. Don't just take my ranting though. Consider some once researched numbers. LaGrange. Troup county has the 2nd highest teen pregnancy and drop out rates in the state. It ranks an astounding 3rd in std's . yeah there is only 40,000 people county wide as of census 2000. Since that time more than 70 businesses in cluding 17 plants have either closed or downsized. Yet, these citizens portray an aire of conceit only matched by thier infinite ignorance that a world exist outside of TRAP county. So to all my friends whom are confused on this matter go to LaGrunge and talk to 5 people, If their combined I Q appears to be over colds room temperature....

Well now, ahem - it's always good to hear from members of the Columbus Chamber of Commerce....

I haven't made many trips to LaGrange over the years, but I didn't really consider the city backwards. I'd point out one advantage that city has right away - but you're probably tired of me wishing for a Columbus Kroger store.

And isn't LaGrange the city which became a pioneer of Internet access a few years ago? Who knows how much residents have learned about the world since then. But sadly, they can't learn much about their own city - since the LaGrange Daily News web site is only for paid subscribers.

By the way, have you seen all the Korean-language signs popping up in the West Point-Valley area? There's talk of offering Korean classes in area schools - so the workers who don't get jobs at Kia may open Asian restaurants all around the plant.

The e-mail pile may be cleared tomorrow -- but now let's get caught up on other things we've missed in the last couple of days:

+ Columbus Doctor Eric Buffong agreed to a rape case plea bargain, and pleaded no contest to two sexual battery counts. Buffong will avoid prison, serve two years on probation - and why do I have this strange feeling he'll show up on a radio talk show as a "Love Doctor?"

(The unnamed woman Eric Buffong is accused of raping in his office was outraged by the plea bargain. But prosecutors admit they lacked convincing evidence that Buffong forced his way upon her. Maybe it's time to demand security cameras in medical waiting rooms.)

+ The Ledger-Enquirer reported six business responded to the Columbus Civic Center's offer to buy naming rights - but all six turned down the $60,000 a year cost. If the price comes down a little, the right taker could come. And I can't wait to visit the "Cascade Hills Church Sportatorium South."

(Come to think of it, Columbus, Ohio has a "Value City Arena." That name could apply to the bidding process here, too....)

+ The new "Fortune 500" listings showed AFLAC up seven places from last year, to number 151 among major corporations. Its profits were up 14 percent last year - so when did this company start selling gasoline?

+ Auburn University legend Charles Barkley was named to the Basketball Hall of Fame. Thankfully, we don't have to worry about this inflating Barkley's ego - because that reached capacity a long time ago.

Your PayPal donations can build a better blog, and keep it independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 6712 (+ 158, 2.4%)

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© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

2 APR 06: SLOTS OF LUCK

We'll get to some e-mail from blog readers - but today we start with messages from everybody else. I've been offered a big money-making opportunity, which probably doesn't involve a lot of work. And since blogging doesn't qualify for me under category, why not try it?

SPAM-A-RAMA: I've had several e-mail offers lately suggesting I start an online casino. No, I have NOT responded to any of them - so the Metro Narcotics Task Force can stop writing the search warrant right now.

"Running an online casino will put money in your bank account," claims one e-mail I received this past week. There's a hidden message here - people who actually play at any sort of casino won't.

"Online casinos are hot right now. Poker is huge," another e-mail tells me. So I've noticed. Columbus has "Texas hold 'em" tournaments in various clubs and bars several nights a weeks. The cards may "flop," but the interest has not....

"Everything is provided for you," yet another spam message promises. Oh goody - including attorneys, in case the police declares my casino illegal?

"All you need is a computer and a startup fee," the spammers declare. That's all you need for all sorts of online businesses - but if everybody else does what I'm doing, the only way I'll make any money is by ripping off all my soon to be former friends.

I read somewhere a few years ago that the Internet already has thousands of online casinos. So why would anyone want to visit mine? Unless I have a slot machine paying big jackpots for three pictures of Judge Bobby Peters....

There's also the problem that credit card companies are trying to block transactions involving online casinos. Visa is proving it isn't quite everywhere people want to be -- at least not the compulsive gamblers.

And there's one other small issue the casino spam offers don't address. What if a gambler hits it big, right after my casino opens? Is this like a pyramid scheme - where I go to another guy's online casino and win back my losses?

I'll pass on that offer - and instead go through some recent REAL spam titles I've received:

"HE SPEAK RAILWAY"

If he's the only one who does, we'll all go off-track.

"HER ASK VOLUMES"

That's why Creshon Saunders is a journalist, isn't it?

"YOU LOOK MEDIUM"

Thank you - but I'm really a large.

"SHE WANTS A BETTER SEX?"

Don't ask me - I haven't seen the movie "TransAmerica."

"COME SKYSCRAPE PRELIMINARY"

After you. White men can't jump, you know.

"A CROWD VERB"

Packed.

"PERHAPS BOMB IT'S ALREADY"

Now stop that! I refuse to make any jokes about that new meteorologist, Harmony Mendoza.

"NOT BRAGGART OR GEORGIA"

Then what IS Rep. Cynthia McKinney, anyway?

"STINKY SEE ELIJAH"

I doubt Bible characters ever were asked to heal THAT sort of thing....

"JUST QUANTITATIVE IN TOYOTA"

I thought most circus clowns stuffed themselves inside Volkswagens.

"HAVE BY THIRTEEN"

The pressure for girls to have plastic surgery is getting out of control....

E-MAIL UPDATE: As promised, our spring cleaning of LEGITIMATE messages continues. We start with Mayor Bob Poydasheff's suggestion the other day that Columbus lacks "first-class" hotels:

The mayor's right. Columbus lacks first-class everything. My wife and I have been to some of this city's "finer" dining establishments and I can honestly say that the food at Waffle House is much better than places I've been to here. If there are any good places to eat here, it almost always is BBQ. But I will say, the best to eat here is at the Buckhead Grill off of Armour Rd. Eating there is like being in a city again where half the population isn't in poverty and more than two-thirds of the pop. have a college education......ahhh, the good ole days.

AR

How interesting - I never thought of the Buckhead Grill as being in Palm Beach or Beverly Hills.

Some friends of mine are planning a trip to Buckhead Grill before long, so we'll let you know how accurate AR is. In the meantime, as for "finer dining establishments" in Columbus -- maybe he simply went through a buffet line on the wrong night.

Meanwhile, my latest guess about "Is Our City Safe" apparently was a bit off. An e-mail from him is titled: "Charles Weaver for District One":

I will give you one guess who most of the Police, Firefighters, and EMS are going to vote for and it's not Mr. Nathan "love it or leave it" Suber.

Thanks,

Wade Sheridan

Wade attached Tim Chitwood's article from the Friday Ledger-Enquirer about Weaver's campaign declaration. It noted Weaver was a police officer from 2002-05. So does a Columbus Councilor make THAT much more money?

One unanswered question in Charles Weaver's announcement is whether other current and former police officers will follow him in entering local races. If there's an organized group of candidates like some e-mailers have suggested, this could be the most-watched "blue line" this side of a Cottonmouths game.

More of your e-mails are coming in a few days - but I need to finish and get to bed before the time change, so here are some quick weekend items:

+ The Port Columbus museum hosted a "Civil War Army Encampment" weekend. I drove by this encampment on Victory Drive and said to myself, "Wow! Things must be really in tents over there."

+ Golden Park had its biggest crowd in years, for a hip-hop concert which lasted several hours. As a rapper might say: they hipped and hopped till they were too pooped to pop.

+ The AM radio station we mentioned last Sunday switched from "Hallelujah 1460" to "Viva 1460" sooner than advertised, late Friday afternoon. Maybe Clear Channel did this so people wouldn't think the Spanish music was an April Fool's joke.

(From what I've heard so far, Viva 1460 has a lot of ballads and "Spanish pop." Mexican immigrants who want the "ranchero" sound may have to move to Russell County and stand around some cattle.)

+ A Fort Benning soldier who recently returned from Iraq won this year's St. Jude Dream Home. Unlike one previous military winner, this one says he plans to stay in Columbus - so those new restaurants and coffee shops at Columbus Park Crossing are paying dividends.

+ Raleigh routed the Chattahoochee Valley Vipers in indoor football 62-13. After seeing that score on the late-night news, the Final Four basketball games didn't seem so bad.

+ Instant Message to TV pitchman Phil Carter: What do you mean, this is the "tempest weekend" of the Bill Heard Chevrolet crane sale? I thought you were selling new Chevrolets, not old Plymouth Tempests....

(And how can you be 150 feet up in that van on WRBL, then be on the ground down the dial a few minutes later? How can I be sure about the cars you're selling, if I can't even trust where your feet are?)

BLOGGER'S NOTE: A tight schedule will mean NO blog entry Monday.... and daily blogging may be iffy the next couple of weeks, as we finish Serious Spring Cleaning....

Your PayPal donations can build a better blog, and keep it independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 6554 (- 314, 4.6%)

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.