15 AUG 05: ADAM AND EVE

Perhaps it's only fitting for a "Bible Belt" city such as Columbus that an Adam and an Eve made news on Sunday. Only this tale is different from the book of Genesis - because the man appears to have sinned first.

In OUR beginning, there is Adam - Adam Johnson, the son of the Muscogee County Sheriff. He may have been caught driving with a suspended license Sunday, when he was in a wreck on Warm Springs Road. If he's not careful, police will bring out that old code "Adam-12" from the TV show especially for him.

Police say Adam Johnson rear-ended another vehicle at Warm Springs Road and Hilton Avenue. One witness claims Johnson carried a cell phone, but did NOT call 911 after the collision. As much trouble as he's had, he probably has his attorney's number programmed instead.

Adam Johnson was hurt enough by the collision to need hospital care overnight. But Columbus police expect him to face charges, because his six-month driving suspension has not expired. This young man may need a wife even more than I do....

This is the same Adam Johnson who collided with a little girl on Oates Avenue last October, and pleaded guilty to drunk driving and marijuana possession in February. If I was Sheriff Ralph Johnson, I'd consider buying his son a bicycle.

One mother asked me Sunday why Sheriff Ralph Johnson doesn't do more about his son. I tried to explain Adam Johnson is past age 18 so he's an adult, but this mom wasn't satisfied. Maybe it's time for Columbus Council to consider expanding the leash law.

Sheriff Ralph Johnson had no comment Sunday on his son's latest difficulty. Perhaps he made his official comment awhile back - when he recorded the public service announcement on TV about talking to your children about drugs.

In contrast with Adam, there is Eve. Eve Tidwell surprisingly was back in Columbus Sunday, after two days in Texas. A Sacramento newspaper claimed she was going to stay near President Bush's ranch through Wednesday -- so you shouldn't Bee-lieve everything you read there.

Eve Tidwell returned to Columbus Saturday night, but she flew back to Texas Sunday night. Meanwhile, Iraq war opponent Cindy Sheehan has remained near the President's ranch all along. So you can see which woman doesn't have to worry about high fuel prices....

Eve Tidwell apparently spent Sunday making a new sign, to display outside the President's ranch. May the day soon come when Crawford, Texas has its own OfficeMax.

Eve Tidwell explained Sunday her new sign specifically has Cindy Sheehan's first name on it: "Cindy, your son is a hero, not a victim." Apparently Tidwell's earlier sign wasn't personalized enough -- or maybe Sheehan's being surrounded by parents of abused children.

Eve Tidwell admits she wants a face-to-face meeting with Cindy Sheehan. Cindy Sheehan is outside the ranch, wanting a face-to-face meeting with President Bush. Why do I get this feeling this will end with the President inviting Tidwell to dinner?

But Eve Tidwell says Cindy Sheehan's supporters will only allow opponents of President Bush's Iraq policy to talk with her. So what do you know - Ms. Sheehan and Mr. Bush have something in common.

(Tidwell adds the Sheehan supporters keep her "very desensitized" from the pro-military group. This is shocking - because I thought Democrats were supposed to be the party of "sensitivity training.")

But did I hear Eve Tidwell correctly, when she said she's part of "a group that will get the attention of the media"?! Comments like that indicate she wants more than a chat with Cindy Sheehan. She'll talk with Laura Ingraham, Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck....

Eve Tidwell says her message of support for soldiers is being drowned out by the politics involved in Iraq. It's too bad the local high school marching bands are too busy preparing for football season to join her.

Eve Tidwell suggested Sunday news reporters are asking Cindy Sheehan the wrong questions. She wants them to ask about Sheehan's soldier son: "Would your son be proud of the way he died?" Of course, Tidwell could do this herself - but I don't think "What's New, Miriam" is on TV-16 anymore.

THE BIG BLOG QUESTION on the start of the school year closed Sunday, with a bit of a surprise. Of the three options we gave you, the leading choice was putting all schools on a year-round schedule. That should scare the Ledger-Enquirer - as its money from back-to-school ads would drop.

Our incredibly unscientific poll found 47 percent of you want year-round schools throughout the area. But I can see a disadvantage to this. A small number of students might be hurt in a significant way - by putting grades ahead of Little League baseball playoff games.

The main goal of our question was to see if area schools start the year too early. Forty percent of you say yes, while 13 percent say no. We can't help wondering if 13 percent consist of children with no home computers or video games.

One supporter of year-round schools wrote in our "comments" section: "Utility costs for August are far greater than in the autumn months." But then he calls for schools to "go year 'round with increased instruction days." Wouldn't utility costs go up then -- in not only August, but June and July?

Another suggestion we received for a later start to the school year is to end "professional days." A voter claimed in-school training is a waste of time and "a farce." When I was in school, these days were combined as a "teachers' convention" -- where I presumed they were partying half the time.

One opponent of an early-August start to school wrote: "You know things are not right when all of Columbus' public pools close for good on July 31^st." As tight as the city budget is right now, that could have happened even if school didn't start until October.

This opponent wonders why school officials are so concerned about finishing the first semester before winter break. "Are the students going to forget everything after a two-week break?" he asked. Believe it or not, some instructors say yes. In fact, that's what Rafael Palmeiro is trying to do right now....

We thank you for your input (even if Muscogee County school officials ignore it) - and now let's have some more output from the weekend:

+ WRCG's Program Director announced Clark Howard will return to Columbus radio today. In effect, he's replacing Chuck Scarborough - which should prove once and for all Columbus is a city, not in the "Country."

+ WCGQ-FM unveiled a new blog, focusing on "Hollywood Dirt." I hereby nominate Jude Law for poster boy....

+ New Census Bureau statistics showed Harris County's population has grown by nearly 13 percent since 2000. If this trend keeps up, Waverly Hall will need to add a Waverly Corridor.

+ Oxbow Meadows held a "Discover Earthworms" day for children. Hopefully this was an educational program - and youngsters were NOT given tips on how to stuff a handful inside your brother's or sister's shirt.

+ Instant Message to the family of early NASCAR racing star Coo Coo Marlin: Our sympathies at your loss. We can only imagine what might have occurred, if he raced today. Certainly someone named "Coo Coo" would drive a car sponsored by Cocoa Puffs.

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

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© 2003-05 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

14 AUG 05: THE EVE OF BATTLE

Don't look now, but Columbus may have found its next "local icon" to represent the city around the world. But I admit it DOES seem strange to compare Eve Tidwell to the AFLAC duck....

Eve Tidwell has flown to Texas, in response to the Iraq war protest near President Bush's ranch by Gold Star mother Cindy Sheehan. Hopefully in her zeal, Tidwell remembered her family's advice -- and took plenty of sunscreen to prevent skin cancer.

Eve Tidwell took homemade signs with her from Columbus to Texas, showing support for the U.S. military. It's straight out of her "God Bless Fort Benning" rallies - only this time she's taking on protesters who really don't seem brainwashed.

One of Eve Tidwell's signs says to Cindy Sheehan: "Your son is a hero, not a victim." Sheehan apparently disagrees, and wants a personal meeting with the President about it. But Sheehan talked with Mr. Bush last year - so shouldn't she get in line behind about 900 other military families?

Eve Tidwell says she's in Texas to show support for all U.S. soldiers - NOT to take on Cindy Sheehan. But let's be honest here: if you go there because of a protest and you're not part OF the protest, aren't you really taking it on? It's like entering a NASCAR race, but saying you don't want to beat Tony Stewart.

Eve Tidwell says everyone in the U.S. military volunteered to serve, including Cindy Sheehan's son. In Tidwell's words: "For whatever reason, we make choices." She should have heard the speaker at the church I attend this weekend - who noted Peter Jennings made a wrong choice to smoke cigarettes.

There was no word Saturday on whether Eve Tidwell's husband had joined her in Texas. Dr. Jack Tidwell stayed in Columbus Friday at his cancer treatment center -- so while his wife was radiating hope, he was using radiation on other things.

Eve Tidwell has a son-in-law serving overseas in the military. Dr. Jack Tidwell admits he's "tired of this fussing and fighting about the war." So am I - so would Jesse Jackson please fly to Iraq, and plead with the insurgents to knock it off?

The Tidwells believe protests near the President's ranch like Cindy Sheehan's demonstration is hurting U.S. military morale. Once that protest ends, maybe they can work on banning all national opinion polls....

A "Google News" search Saturday night found only one news outlet outside Columbus has mentioned Eve Tidwell's arrival in Texas - the Sacramento Bee. What does it say about her chances for success, when Fox News Channel isn't even mentioning her?

Saturday's Sacramento Bee reported Eve Tidwell canceled a New York trip to fly to Texas, and plans to stay there until at least Wednesday. Well, at least she's probably saving money on a motel room....

(Come to think of it, there could be another advantage in the Tidwell Texas tour. She can try to get a discount on Lance Armstrong cancer bracelets.)

The Sacramento Bee adds a busload of pro-military people from Dallas showed up near the ranch Friday, but only stayed about an hour. What does it say about supporting soldiers "for the long haul," when that bus only staged a quick strike?

I can't help wondering if Eve Tidwell traveled to Texas after seeing what happened last weekend in Opelika, at the funeral for Sgt. Christopher Taylor. Is this a "make-up trip" of sorts? Or will Tidwell start grass-roots rallies from coast to coast - and arrange for her former Columbus café to cater them?

There's one big problem with both demonstrations, by Cindy Sheehan and Eve Tidwell. Some skeptical TV viewers have seen all the Natalee Holloway stories - and think the cameras only are on these women because they're white.

No, I'm not kidding! I've had a spirited message board debate in recent days with people who suggest Cindy Sheehan wouldn't be on TV if she was African-American -- and shouldn't be on TV now because she's white. Apparently someone's skin color is more important than their family's blood..

Apparently for some people, you're disqualified from staging a demonstration unless it "reflects America." That means it must have a proper amount of minority representation. I don't know if these critics counted the number of white people at the Atlanta civil rights march last weekend or not....

As the dueling demonstrations unfolded, Fort Benning held a change of command ceremony. We bid farewell to Commanding General Benjamin Freakley - and we're thankful this is the Army, where no one dared to honor him by playing the disco classic "Le Freak" by Chic.

Now let's stand at ease for other announcements from the weekend:

+ A nearby business manager tells your blog Wild Bill's Party Shop on Buena Vista Road was robbed Saturday afternoon. That manager couldn't believe the store was held up in broad daylight. Maybe the crook checked weather radar on his computer, and wanted to beat the rain.

+ Plans were announced for an "Interfaith Hospitality Network" in Columbus. It will help homeless families, by keeping them in local churches and synagogues. Thankfully many churches now have padded pews - much more comfortable for sleeping.

+ Georgia Southwestern State University welcomed students to Americus, by giving all of them 20-minute prepaid phone cards. They're supposed to be used for calling parents - and if they're good with mathematics, they can ask for money ten times.

+ Columbus State University hosted not one, but TWO "Miss Georgia" qualifying pageants. The winners of "Miss Columbus" and "Miss Southern Rivers" both advanced, leaving sports fans in the audience frustrated. They don't want to wait ten months for a playoff....

+ Columbus High School baseball coach Bobby Howard led the East, in the "AFLAC All-American" all-star high school baseball game. Howard must have felt strange having Russell County players on his team - since for years, he probably considered Russell County in the West.

+ The Atlanta Falcons remained unbeaten in preseason play by bouncing Baltimore 16-3. I don't want to say this game was boring - but the highlight for me was radio announcer Wes Durham saying a player was "bearing down like a bad day."

(Did you see Philadelphia's Terrell Owens in the crowd at the Georgia Dome? First of all, you'd think his money-hungry agent would demand nothing but a SkyBox seat - and besides, didn't Owens turn down a trade to Baltimore a year ago?)

+ Instant Message to Davis Broadcasting: Why is next Friday's Carver-Spencer football game going to be on WOKS? Have you forgotten you have a sports-talk station now, for things like that?

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $2.35 a gallon at Marathon on Warm Springs Road.... Lance "Choco-Lunch" 10-pack sandwich cookies for 33 cents, all over town.... FREE fish left on the Riverwalk, at the stairs below the River Club (did it rain THAT much?)....

COMING SOON: What is that Brazilian thing in Phenix City?....

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

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© 2003-05 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

13 AUG 05: CHECK YOUR CARDS

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: You may find this humorous, serious, or a little of both - but from time to time, we offer things to reflect upon as we keep the seventh-day Sabbath.)

As I worked on a project at church last weekend, a thought suddenly occurred to me. Don't ask me how, but I started thinking about bingo games. No, I will NOT suggest my congregation start offering them to make extra money....

Here's what occurred to me - have you considered how life can imitate a bingo card?

+ At the start of life, we tend to simply "B." We'll B-1, then B-2....

+ As the ages go up, we often start focusing on ourselves. "I-m 16, I-m 17...."

+ Then many couples bring up children during their 30's and 40's - and get used to checking "N" for no, perhaps 35 or 45 times a week.

(Besides, during the "N" years those parents need all the free space they can get....)

+ Then come the years of wonderment - when many people say "G" as they turn 50 or 55.

+ The older years can bring their pains - as you hear people say "O" at 65 or 75.

Since the top number on the card is 75, life may feel like a game of blackout bingo. But the good news that you don't have to play simply that game. The Bible offers you a swap, for the game of "Sorry." Say you're sorry and really mean it - and eventually you can safely reach Home, and win. For good.

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-05 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

12 AUG 05: CHATT. ROOMS

For the first time in 36 years, Chattahoochee County has its own high school. The new school opened Thursday - which means students who used to attend Spencer High are already three days behind.

Chattahoochee County High School actually was supposed to open last week - but road work on Georgia Highway 26 led to a ten-day delay. Apparently now the highway is sufficiently reinforced, for all the oversized pickups teenage boys like to drive.

The last time Chattahoochee County tried to open a high school, disaster struck. The school in Cusseta went up in flames in 1969, only hours before opening day - a day when integration was supposed to start. If this was arson, the logic apparently was that it's better to be dumb separately than smart together.

There was no fire along Highway 26 Thursday - only a long line of cars dropping off students. The high school and middle school parents were directed to separate entrances. Maybe that will satisfy the people who still support segregation.

Pam Timms is the principal of Chattahoochee County High School. She admitted the 48 hours before Thursday's opening day were stressful, and she had very little sleep -- thus setting a bad example, since experts always students at the start of school this will hurt their performance.

About 350 students attended the opening day of Chattahoochee County High School. WRBL reported there's a waiting list of students, who want to attend from other counties. Who knows how many Spencer High School football players dream of joining a potential winning team?

Chattahoochee County students attended Spencer High School for years. Perhaps because of the long trip, the county developed one of the worst dropout rates in Georgia. Officials hope the new high school will stop this trend - if only because the walk to those Victory Drive clubs will be much longer.

Perhaps in an attempt to attract students to high school, Chattahoochee County's faculty is promising NO homework! Well, this IS a county with no Wal-Marts or Targets selling backpacks....

Instead of having students take home assignments, Chattahoochee County students spend the end of their days in "study hall." I was in this for a semester during seventh grade, and remember it for two things: reading library books, because my homework was finished - and taking back half the room's lunch trays, because they asked.

WRBL's reporter declared the first day of school at Chattahoochee County High "an A-plus." Oh dear - these Peter Jennings tributes are getting out of hand, and more reporters are throwing in personal opinions....

An East Alabama high school faces a different sort of dilemma, in keeping students. Loachapoka High didn't make "adequate yearly progress," so students can transfer to other Lee County schools. In fact, they can get their homework finished in the car, while mom drives them home from Smiths Station.

Lee County school officials plan to encourage Loachapoka parents NOT to transfer their children to other high schools. So you can see what we have here -- a "Hold-'em 'Poka showdown."

Back in Columbus, police staged a crackdown on school zone speeding Thursday at Baker Middle School. The evening news indicated neighborhood residents were happy to see the blue lights there. So have they finally run off the Baker Village residents who DON'T want to see them?

E-MAIL UPDATE: You never know who's going to stop by for a visit. Take this blog reader:

I was making a turn around the other day and noticed the apartment complex on 1st, where you reside.

Have you taken a vow of poverty? I'm curious as to why a seemingly intelligent person would choose to live in that location, given an option to live...anywhere...else?

Thanks, just wondering. I read your site daily, and barring all the WRBL references, I find it interesting.

Thank you for the interesting questions. First of all, some people would say anyone like me who moves from Atlanta to Columbus automatically takes a vow of poverty....

I checked newspaper ads and considered several places, as I moved to Columbus eight years ago. But one duplex I visited near Lakebottom Park was under renovation and a dark mess. Today, that might be called charming mill property.

Another stop on my search for a Columbus home was a small building near Fox Elementary School. But I had a waterbed, and the manager told me the floor of the vacant upper-story apartment couldn't handle it. Of course, most people can't handle the thought of anyone owning a waterbed nowadays....

It was after 3:00 p.m. when I borrowed a landlord's key and drove to the apartment complex where I live now. Two women were outside, and they told me it was a safe neighborhood. Only after I moved in did I meet other neighbors -- one begging for loans every month, another firing a shotgun from his porch late one night....

So why do I still live there eight years later? In part, because the rent hasn't gone up one penny in eight years. I could move one block west to Broadway and pay $100 or more extra every month, but why?

Another reason I still live where I do is because things really ARE quiet most of the time. If only those motorcyclists would slow down approaching the Oglethorpe Bridge near my window, when I'm trying to sleep....

(It's SO quiet that when a fight in one apartment led to a killing several years ago, my air conditioner and fan drowned out the ambulance pulling into the courtyard.)

Besides, my location puts me near all sorts of Columbus attractions. I can walk to Golden Park, the Columbus Civic Center, the Riverwalk, the Space Science Center - but honestly, I've only stepped inside the Villa Nova package store a couple of times....

This blog and the former "LaughLine" have recorded some of the curious visitors I've had over the years. But let's face it -- curious people can live in any part of town. Remember the doctor who was arrested in Green Island Hills several months ago?

So come see us again sometime -- and now let's explore other sights from Thursday:

+ The price of gasoline jumped another nine cents across Columbus, to a LOW of $2.37 a gallon. Now that's the way to celebrate the signing of a federal energy bill....

(This latest price increase is changing one of my habits. When I stroll to a convenience store in my neighborhood, I plan to walk between the gas pumps - so I can be around the people with money.)

+ ABC's "Nightline" explained how the Dixie Youth Baseball World Series in Auburn began. It started when 61 South Carolina Little League teams refused to play an all-black team in Charleston 50 years ago. Uh-oh - now some white Southerners will accuse Martin Luther King, Jr. of ripping off their boycott idea.

(One player on that 1955 Charleston Little League team now runs a Columbus architect firm. John Rivers told "Nightline" the boycott gave him an incentive to succeed in life. So you people who feel trampled down by affirmative action should shut up and start working.)

+ First African Baptist Church reopened its "Crisis Closet" of discounted clothing. It had been closed four months because of break-ins and thefts. As if this place actually has trendy fashion?!

+ The Cherokee County, Georgia coroner was arrested on drug charges. You'd think someone in that office would know better than to commit political suicide....

+ The Columbus Catfish lost at Augusta 4-3. WDAK broadcaster Chad Goldberg revealed during road trips, the Catfish spend at least one hour a day in the gym. The most challenging part must come when players hear the sound of passing steroid trucks.

+ A major archery competition opened at Fort Benning's Uchee Creek complex. Why is it that you never see anyone at these events wearing Arrow shirts -- or even endorsing them?

+ Instant Message to Wendy's restaurants: You win. Your new commercials with the tooth saying "ranch" over and over are easily the most annoying ads of the year.

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

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© 2003-05 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

11 AUG 05: "EX" GETS THE SQUARE

Tonight apparently will mark the official death of a longtime Columbus landmark -- as the Columbus Square 8 theaters will close. It looks like the Public Library can move its outdoor movies away from Macon Road, and reduce the risk of wrecks.

The end of Columbus Square 8 is significant, because the theater complex was the last holdout from the Columbus Square Mall era. It may have benefitted from being south of the mall, and not attached to it -- leaving plenty of distance from all those scary, empty corridors.

My friend Lisa Napoli had a great idea at the end of 1999, when she worked for MSNBC: take snapshots of landmarks and historic places, and record how things looked at the turn of the millennium. I took one at Columbus Square Mall on December 31. Sadly, things were so empty then that I could park right by the door....

It turns out the Columbus Square 8 theaters were in line for demolition, under the proposed master plan for the Public Library area. If that happens, the last remaining piece of the Columbus Square complex will be the old Sears building.
Attention, Wal-Mart - we're still waiting for you there.

To my knowledge, only one Columbus Square Mall business still is open near that location. The American Deli took a spot on Macon Road where two donut shops used to be. I assume it's not a good idea there to ask for a salad with Russian dressing.

I was surprised to learn Wednesday night the building housing Columbus Square 8 actually is owned by the city of Columbus. Carmike Cinemas only leased it! Imagine if we checked the deeds to some of those Victory Drive nightclubs....

I've heard a few complaints about the Columbus Square 8 over the years - more about its owners, really. One man told me he stayed away because Carmike Cinemas tended to put "black movies" there, and not in its other locations. It now appears "redlining" didn't bring lines of green - as in money.

Longtime Columbus residents know Carmike Cinema runs all the theaters in town. By closing the "Square 8," Carmike will have only three theater locations in the city -- none of them south of Manchester Expressway. And there are none around the company's headquarters downtown, which apparently isn't even safe for matinees.

Ed Burdeshaw of the organization "Midtown Columbus" told WRBL he hopes to lure Carmike Cinemas back to his part of town. He presumed a "home-grown company will see the benefit" of locating there. That logic certainly hasn't worked for Phenix City officials.

Remember one of Jeff Hardin's promises when he ran for Phenix City Mayor? About a year ago, he pledged to work hard for a new movie theater in his city. A year later, the place with the most film screenings in Phenix City is the amphitheater -- with one.

But back over here: hasn't Carmike Cinemas heard there are thousands of soldiers coming to Fort Benning, and they'll most likely live on the south side of Columbus? Oh yeah, now I remember - they'll go to the Wynnsong 10 inside post, to escape from the rundown trailers on Cusseta Road.

(We're not counting the Wynnsong 10 as being "in Columbus," because those are inside Fort Benning's gates. Of course, security isn't a problem there - as long as infantry members carry weapons to their seats.)

With the closing of Columbus Square 8, Carmike in effect is saying to the south half of Columbus: "drop dead." Perhaps the new "Columbus South Inc." can do something to reverse this. For instance, does anyone have Magic Johnson's phone number?

Let's stop the square dance now, and check other headlines from a wet Wednesday:

+ Fire erupted at the 13^th Street Bar-Be-Que on Veterans Parkway, near Airport Thruway. The roof of the building has considerable damage. And while they fix that, maybe a painter can come out and take "13^th Street" off their sign once and for all -- since it's located nowhere near there.

+ Key Elementary School teacher Craig Harrison fulfilled a bet to students. They met "adequate yearly progress" - so he let a student cut off part of his ponytail! If Russ Hollenbeck really wants big ratings for WCGT's "Reveille," he'll think seriously about this....

(Somebody's gotta say it - since when did Muscogee County allow male teachers to have ponytails? Craig Harrison had one for seven years. Would a grade school student be allowed to have one for seven days?)

+ The Georgia Lottery presented Columbus winner Martha Thomas with a check for $500,000. Thomas told WRBL when she discovered she had a winning ticket, she hid it in her Bible. Of course, that's the last place where a money-worshiping gambler would look....

+ Instant Message to the Wal-Mart SuperCenter in Phenix City: I guess that was an act of compassion on your part - putting a big sign at the front door promoting the DVD movie "Because of Winn-Dixie."

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-05 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

10 AUG 05: CHASING DOWN THE FOX

Well, well - we may soon have a contest for the top-rated radio station in Columbus. New rating numbers show WFXE "Foxie 105 FM" losing listeners again, and getting close to losing the number-one position overall. This could be a "hip-hop" trend - the station's not hip, so people are hopping elsewhere.

The Arbitron spring numbers for Columbus are now posted online. They show Foxie 105 FM has lost about one-sixth of its listeners since last spring, and has lost almost half its audience from two years ago. Don't expect this station to give away free iPods anytime soon.

In only one year, WBFA "101.3 The Beat" has closed to within three rating points of Foxie 105. But both stations lost some listeners from last fall -- which only proves when spring comes to Columbus, people are more likely to take off their "raps."

But that's not the radio station threatening to knock Foxie 105 off the throne. WAGH "Magic 98.3 FM" came within 1.5 rating points of first place in the spring. Maybe some people are right, when they say young people are growing up faster all the time....

BIG PREDICTION UPDATE: We mentioned a couple of weeks ago K-92.7 FM was likely to make a big gain in the spring ratings. It indeed gained listeners - but to my surprise, rival "Magic 98" gained even more. Someone should tell K-92.7's Tom Joyner to double his jackpot to $2,000 an hour.

Davis Broadcasting also may be concerned about its gospel music station. WEAM-FM has lost nearly half its audience in the last year -- and during the spring, its AM gospel station was switched to sports talk. Maybe now their announcer will be told to pronounce Buena Vista "BYOO-nah."

Meanwhile, WHAL-AM has lost all the momentum it had when it started gospel music two years ago. It tied for last place among rated Columbus stations in the spring report. On some days, "Hallelujah 1460" may reflect the actual listener count.

(Clear Channel has similar "Hallelujah" radio stations in Memphis and Montgomery, and they're at or near the top. But they're on the FM band - while 1460 AM is having trouble even getting a witness.)

As for other radio races, here's what the spring ratings show:

+ WSTH "Rooster 106" keeps a narrow lead over country competition WKCN "Kissin' 99.3." I'm tempted to call them "country cousins" - except they fight each other much like real country cousins would on The Jerry Springer Show.

+ Davis Broadcasting's station swap of "The River 95.7" FM for K-92.7 cost the classic rock station about half its audience from a year ago. Harris County must have fewer aging hippies than we realized.

+ WRCG gained a bit in the ratings from last fall - which I think means about five new people called "TalkLine."

Are Columbus radio stations losing listeners to satellite and Internet programming? Based on my figuring, maybe not. The total percentage of the audience listening to Columbus stations went UP from spring 2004 -- so they're apparently not in "Sirius" trouble for now.

BLOG UPDATE: If you jumped on our best bet from Tuesday and drove to Phenix City to fill your gas tank, you may have been disappointed. The Big Cat station on U.S. 431 hiked its price four cents from Monday, to $2.28 a gallon. Change your name to Big Slap, why don'tcha?!

Now for plenty of other things which caught our attention on Tuesday:

+ Columbus community activist Lonnie Jackson was honored with a special evening at the Bradley Theater. It was a night filled with special tributes -- and perhaps the best one came at the end, when the entire audience picked up their trash and threw it away.

(Lonnie Jackson needed assistance in walking, because he's 76 and battling cancer. Someone should provide him with an electric scooter to get around town - but it would need a trailer hitch, to haul all those plaques he's received.)

+ Columbus Council approved $400,000 in emergency funds to fix a crumbling canal wall on Cherokee Avenue. Ground under part of the street is eroding, because of all the rain this year - so imagine what pounding posts for a heavy steel guardrail could do.

+ The state of Alabama declared Phenix City Central High School failed to make "adequate yearly progress." Under federal law, this means students can request transfers to other schools. But where else in Phenix City can you go? Is Glenwood offering free admission?!

+ The Ledger-Enquirer reported TSYS has closed the deal to handle Capital One credit cards. As long as the barbarians from those commercials don't show up downtown....

(Now that TSYS is handling Capital One credit cards, how many employee cubicles will receive giant "NO" signs for inspiration?)

+ Parts of three Columbus industrial parks were declared "foreign trade zones." This was stunning news - because none of them are along Victory Drive, where so many signs are in Spanish.

+ Delta Air Lines stock dropped below two dollars a share. Public radio's "Marketplace" reported AirTran now is worth more as a company -- so maybe Delta should change its slogan to, "Cheap goes around."

+ Georgia's repentant "runaway bride" Jennifer Wilbanks was spotted in Gwinnett County -- cutting lawns, to fulfill her community service sentence! Authorities were wise NOT to put her on a riding lawnmower, where she could escape again.

+ Instant Message to the Columbus Public Library: That's a joke, right? I mean, that DVD still on display in the popular materials section: "Albert Paley: Man of Steel."

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-05 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

9 AUG 05: FREE LOADED

Instant Message to my older brother and sister-in-law: Thank you. The belated birthday card came Monday. My, what a long nose that puppet had. You'll be relieved to know I have no plans to point anything toward you in the other direction.

Yes, I marked a birthday the other day -- and with no guarantee anyone would give me a present, I decided to do something different. I'd accumulated enough "gifts" in the last year that I tried to use as many of them as I could in one day. It's like unloading your car's change box all at once, at a turnpike toll booth.

8:45 a.m.: The day begins with a morning jog on the Riverwalk. Running there is absolutely free - and if someone would leave a couple of giant medicine balls along the way, we could have a full-fledged health club.

9:30 a.m.: After the run, I drive to breakfast. I was a four-time winner in this summer's "Choose Your Destiny" game at Burger King -- and the last winning ticket will give me one of the most expensive prizes of all. It's hard to believe that about five french toast sticks, but it's true....

The goal was to win one million dollars in the Burger King "Star Wars" promotion -- but sadly, I did NOT win the top prize. Instead, I won four free food items. So I guess "the force" was only with my stomach.

I buy a carton of milk to go with my free french toast sticks. Admittedly, I feel a bit guilty when I get a restaurant freebie and nothing more. I wouldn't make a very good panhandler....

11:00 a.m.: We head to the Government Center, to check on a story tip we've already posted here. I read in a teen magazine years ago that a great way to have free fun is to watch criminals get arraigned - but I don't. There's no one with me to swap one-liners and insults in court.

11:40 a.m.: A short but sweaty stroll away is a jewelry store on Broadway. I was given a $100 gift certificate to this store several months ago, but I hardly ever visit jewelers. For awhile, I thought "bling-bling" was the name of a panda.

Why do I hardly ever visit jewelers? Because I hardly ever wear the fancy stuff jewelers sell. Only this year did I start wearing my college class ring again, to mark my 25^th anniversary of graduation. Waiting for the Kansas Jayhawks to win another college basketball title might take awhile....

(Besides, I decided to go ringless to make very clear to women that I'm single - as if they're looking at my hands to decide whether or not to date me.)

There are "need-to-buy" stores and "want-to-buy" stores - and for me, jewelry stores are on the want-to list. Give me a $100 gift certificate to a gourmet cookie shop, and things might be very different.

The staff on Broadway is anxious to help me find something - but I'm a bit embarrassed to admit I haven't been inside a jewelry store in years. I have a vague idea what they sell, but no idea at all about the prices. And I was playing by "Price is Right" rules: go over $100 and you lose.

Should I buy earrings? Nope, I'm an old fuddy-duddy and don't wear them. Which reminds me of a question I asked the security crew back at the Government Center - are there any YOUNG fuddy-duddies?

Should I buy a wristwatch? That's a nice idea, but I have two which run well now. The wristband broke on one of them months ago - so I now have a "what progress has preserved" style digital pocket watch.

How about a tie tack? Now that's something I need. I lose those things constantly - thinking they're in a shirt pocket, when they're probably left on a desk and stolen. If someone would please make a tie tack with a GPS microchip....

So I wind up taking a tie tack - and thankfully, this store has a variety of non-jewelry gifts on sale. I take home my first electric can opener in 15 years. The last one sat on an apartment stove - but two former roommates insisted on turning gas burners all the way up to cook things.

The $100 gift certificate also allows me a new "genuine leather" billfold, to replace a Wal-Mart special that's getting old. Trouble is, a bright blue wallet is rather easy to spot when someone steals it....

Those three items still don't come to 100 dollars, and the jewelry store doesn't offer cash back on the difference -- but I stop there. "I don't want to be too greedy," I tell a man who appears to be the manager. Not to mention not be in debt.

"Don't forget," the manager reminds me as I turn to leave, "Santa Claus is coming." Oh please - it's the first week of August! Is he starting his year extra-early, to make up for the students going back to school?

3:00 p.m.: If you have a library card, Columbus area libraries let you surf the Internet free for an hour. But on this day, the broadband connections at the Mildred Terry branch are NOT moving quickly. In fact, DSL might as well be shorthand for a diesel-powered dump truck.

A woman sitting at a terminal across from me is openly frustrated by the slow connections. A staff member explains library computers attract a lot of "junk" from users, which doesn't get cleaned out. Apparently enough spam is stored to feed every Fort Benning soldier for a week.

At this point I also have a coupon for a free car wash downtown - but I decide not to use it. At this time of year, those little slips of paper can be rain magnets.

7:30 p.m.: The freebie-fest moves north, as a recent mailing provided me a free "bargain book" at Mustard Seed on Sidney Simons Boulevard (a store where you can buy my CD). If you're scared about shopping at this "Christian store," don't worry - I didn't see anything by Fred Phelps there.

The bargain books are scattered all over the store - and after browsing around, I settle on "finding and keeping the love of your life." The author says one key for compatibility is having "common values." For instance, would she pick up this book for free as well?

8:00 p.m.: I can't find any restaurants offering free birthday meals anymore, but I recently won a gift certificate from Cheddars near Columbus Park Crossing. As I get out of the car, a singer on the front deck is singing "Happy Birthday to You." And I didn't even phone ahead for carryout....

The gift certificate will get me a nice dinner, but I make a mistake right off the bat. I select chips and salsa for an appetizer - totally forgetting that at Cheddars, I should try the "queso" dip.

The prices at Cheddars are economical, compared with other sit-down restaurants in Columbus. An eight-ounce sirloin steak arrives for less than ten dollars - and it's seasoned so well, I don't even bother with sauce. At some steakhouses, the steak sauce might cost me a dollar.

Then throw in a fresh-baked Cheddars "cookie monster" dessert: ice cream and whipped topping on a giant chocolate chip cookie. It's a great way to get around the obvious birthday cake -- and all the wait staff gathering around you for a corny song.

(But wait a minute here - shouldn't Cheddars offer apple pies with cheese on top?)

The appetizer, steak, dessert and drink came to 18 dollars. My gift certificate was for 20 dollars - but uh-oh, what about the tip? I put that on a credit card. Next time, I'll look at Mustard Seed for an etiquette book about whether your tip should include gift card dollars.

In all, our "freebie day" came to $126.69 in free items - and it could have been higher. Imagine all the free food samples I missed, by not having a Sam's Club card.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Now for an opposing viewpoint in the great high school parking lot debate:

Hi Richard,

The paving of the student parking lot at Columbus High is a big improvement. When I went to school there, they hadn't yet removed the large trees in the lot, so there were fewer spaces available then compared to the recent unpaved past. Yes, paving and striping will reduce the number of spaces available, but the old parking lot had problems, including the mud that developed with rain. Students would jam their cars into any space available, leading to frequent accidents. When a student had to leave school during the day, the administration often had to interrupt several classes to call others out to the lot to move their cars so the student could get out.

I didn't want to deal with the hassle, so I parked down at Lakebottom, where there were plenty of spaces. Plus, I didn't have to buy a $3 parking permit. As long as they haven't signed the spaces as "two-hour parking", there should be plenty within a short walk to accommodate the permitless commuting students.

You know, if there were a shortage of spaces, the baseball field could be paved to meet parking needs. As it is now, only a small group of students uses that acreage, and other sports teams at CHS have to use facilities elsewhere (football, swimming, golf).

Thomas

Uh-oh, Thomas - now you've done it. Pave Randy Jordan Field?!?! You might as well suggest turning off the eternal flame on weekends, to save on natural gas bills.

I doubt that many Columbus High School students complained about mud in the parking lot. Especially the guys with pickup trucks - who could make up great stories about weekends in the woods.

It turns out several Columbus High students tried Thomas's parking trick Monday. They parked around Lakebottom Park, instead of taking shuttle buses from the old Sears building. Can you really blame them? A Library Board member might have seen a classic car, and proposed moving it down the street for art.

The plan was for several shuttle buses from Macon Road to Columbus High - but only enough students showed up to fill ONE bus. Do you think parents warned their children about the evils which forced busing caused three or four decades ago?

Did you notice how gas stations tried to discourage students from driving to Columbus High School Monday? They hiked the price of regular unleaded about nine cents a gallon....

(What's going on with THAT price increase? Will someone remind the convenience store managers most students are back in school - so "summer driving season" is over??)

The good news for Columbus High students is that the newly-paved parking lot should be finished and ready for use on Wednesday. Then students can begin betting on when the first parking space will be spray-painted with graffiti.

Now for other quick items from Monday's news:

+ A Russell County grand jury indicted food store owner Don Ford, for killing a customer he considered a threat. Somewhere, David Glisson crossed the Russell County Sheriff's Department off his application list.

+ People complained to the Russell County Commission that other ways should be found to install a security system, without moving Probate Judge Al Howard's office. Has anyone considered giving Judge Howard and his staff stun guns?

+ The Columbus Catfish beat Augusta 6-4 - and suddenly they're in second place in their division, and on a three-game winning streak. Who could have guessed the secret to this team's success would be a home stand with TWO bobble-head doll giveaways?

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $2.24 a gallon at Big Cat on U.S. 431 in Phenix City.... milk for $1.49 a half-gallon at Walgreens.... but be careful if anyone offers Peter Jennings trench coats on eBay....

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-05 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

8 AUG 05: EARLY TO RISE

It's the first day of a new school year in Muscogee County - and countless adults know what that means. It's finally safe to shop at the mall or visit a library in the middle of the day again.

But the new school year in Muscogee County is starting with some controversy. Take this e-mail we received over the weekend:

Richard,

It seems that the various Councils & Board of our local government have come up with a novel way to handle the traffic issues on Cherokee Ave.

The final paving is being accomplished on the Columbus High School parking lot. The result....it will handle about half as many cars as before the improvement. Juniors will have to participate in a lottery to try to get a parking space on campus. Sophomores & freshmen need not apply.

Bill

Bill, this is startling news. Isn't it bad enough that students are indoctrinated about lotteries in pre-kindergarten programs?

But let's start at the beginning. Yes, the Columbus High parking lot IS being paved - and I talked with an alum Sunday who actually was distraught over that. It's almost as if the gravel rocks in that parking lot are the city's version of Stonehenge....

(If those old rocks are so important, why didn't someone at Columbus High turn them into yet another fund-raiser for the baseball team?)

The paving of the parking lot isn't finished yet - but Columbus High School plans to open today, anyway. Students who drive to school are asked to park at the old Sears building on Macon Road, and ride shuttle buses. Why they're not asked to park the cars at home and ride regular school buses, I have no idea.

Columbus High School teachers are parking for the time being at St. Paul United Methodist Church. Students may NOT park there - because as we all know, they might pick up a gospel tract and spark a big church-state separation debate.

If that's not enough to worry about, the Muscogee County Schools web site notes a circular driveway in front of Columbus High School and one in back are closed. So what's really going on here? Is the school district indirectly telling terrorists to blow up Carver High School, because Columbus is extra-secure?

So what's a Columbus High School parent to do? The district web site recommends they show up early to drop off children on 17^th Street, Forest Avenue or Cherokee Avenue. For those of you who drive through midtown under "alternate sides of the park" rules: stay west for awhile.

The web site discusses purchasing parking decals at Columbus High School -- and it notes they're "not transferable to their students." Everything students learned about sharing from Mister Rogers and Barney the Dinosaur are thrown out the window....

The district web site does NOT mention anything about a Columbus High School parking lot-tery. But it notes: "Parking spots cannot be purchased for future use." That approach might be worth trying at other places, though -- such as offering them to lawyers at the county jail.

So is Bill correct about the results of this project? How do you pave a parking lot, and reduce the number of parking spaces by about half? Hey, maybe I know the answer. Columbus High students will have to learn to be neat and orderly....

Bill doesn't come out and say it, but I assume Columbus High seniors will have first rights to spaces in the newly-paved parking lot. Being in the upper class always has had its privileges - such as dinners at the River Club, for instance.

Hopefully sophomores and freshmen at Columbus High will understand why they can't have their own parking spaces. But then again, maybe I don't understand something - how a 15-year-old can be old enough to have a driver's license.

One other thought comes to mind about this work along Cherokee Avenue. Why not have Columbus High students park big cars along the west side of the avenue, north of the school? They'll provide a natural buffer, to keep drivers from falling into the canal -- and thus solve the guardrail debate.

(And while I'm thinking of it: Why doesn't the Historic Columbus Foundation sell boat rides in that canal, to pay for the proper form of rails along Cherokee Avenue? That draws all sorts of tourists to Venice.)

While Columbus High is opening on schedule, five Muscogee County grade schools will be delayed two weeks due to construction. For these students' parents, two more weeks of "back-to-school" sale ads in the newspaper actually will make some sense.

There's been debate in parts of Georgia and Alabama about the school year starting earlier and earlier. Alabama tourism officials complain August vacation dollars are being lost -- and the state only has so many members of Congress to make up for that.

But school officials argue by starting the school year in early August, the entire first semester can be finished before winter break with no carryover into January. Isn't this strange? Most college football coaches WANT a carryover like that....

THE BIG BLOG QUESTION wants to know what you think about Muscogee County schools opening on August 8 - and of course, some nearby districts opened even earlier. Should schools wait until it's closer to Labor Day, when the weather's a bit cooler? Or do we really want stores to get out holiday merchandise in mid-August?

E-MAIL UPDATE: Now a follow-up to a message with many questions which we posted Sunday:

Good for you. Keep it up, and I mean that (see, I do have a heart).

It's worth noting that the protestors at the funeral were only there a meager 15 minutes before deciding their time was up (if I can only say that in another sense), and there were less than ten of them. [d**n] fools

AR

AR's talking about the group from Fred Phelps's Kansas church, which protested outside the funeral for Army Sergeant Christopher Taylor. Maybe the picketers had their 15 minutes of fame - but if they eventually wind up right, they'll have all eternity to remind you of it.

Speaking of which -- Instant Message to all Christians (even in my own denomination) who scoffed at the work of the late Peter Jennings: At least in some documentaries, he searched for Jesus. What are you doing to get other people interested in joining him?

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-05 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

7 AUG 05: GRAVE SITUATIONS

It's a weekend with "graves" on many people's minds. There was debate over how to remember a dead soldier's grave in East Alabama. A monster truck named "Grave Digger" was at the Columbus Civic Center. And how many local doctors treat Graves' Disease, anyway?

We'll start with the dueling demonstrations in Lee County, outside Saturday's funeral for Sergeant Christopher Taylor. As promised, a group of protesters from a Topeka, Kansas church showed up outside the Opelika service. If they show up in Columbus in November, they might get discounted motel rooms.

The Westboro Baptist Church protesters say God has killed not only Christopher Taylor, but countless other soldiers in Iraq. Attention, all radical Islamic preachers in Britain: the closest major airport to Topeka is Kansas City International....

The protesters from Fred Phelps's controversial church obviously wanted to provoke people in some way. Did you see their signs?

+ "God Blew Up the Soldiers." Then why hasn't He struck down the crew which removed the Ten Commandments monument from the Alabama Judicial Building?

+ "Opelika is Doomed." If they leave that one outside Smiths Station High School, it can be used again during football season.

+ "Don't Worship the Dead." They must be as stunned as I am, to see Halloween stuff already on sale in stores.

One of the protesters even walked on a U.S. flag during the demonstration. Yet for some strange reason, I didn't see any antiwar activists from Auburn University in their group....

The point of the Westboro Baptist protesters is that soldiers will keep dying in Iraq until homosexual people are removed from the military. In fact, their web site suggests all homosexual people should be executed -- which proves even people in Topeka, Kansas can sound like rednecks.

But on this day, the Westboro Baptist group found itself outnumbered. A larger group showed up to wave U.S. flags, and show support for the military. In effect, they said "God bless America" - and considering no terrorists have nuclear bombs yet, maybe He still has.

The pro-military group lined a road leading to Greater Peace Baptist Church, so Christopher Taylor's family could not see the protesters as they arrived. Thus a new phrase enters the military vocabulary - HUMANE shields.

The Westboro Baptist protesters tried to get a "conversation" started with the pro-military group - but the other side decided to say nothing. I'm not sure why they said nothing. If you can explain why you're right on radio talk shows, why can't you in person?

As the funeral for Christopher Taylor began, the Westboro Baptist protesters received an escort by law officers out to Interstate 85. Perhaps they're heading to another soldier's funeral -- looking for other groups of heartbroken people who deserve to be slapped in the faces with Bibles while they're down.

But for all we know, the protesters from Topeka might have been ready for some wholesome entertainment after their protest. The Columbus Civic Center offered them monster trucks Saturday night - and "Grave Digger" might have inspired all sorts of prophetic messages.

The Columbus Civic Center finished two nights of monster truck "summer heat" Saturday night. These are vehicles which are more likely to figure gallons per mile, instead of the other way around....

Hot on the heels of "summer heat," Hilary Duff performs at the Civic Center this evening - which for some teenage boys might be cause for heat exhaustion.

Did you hear the commercial on 107-Q FM promoting the Hilary Duff concert? It encouraged mothers to buy tickets, to be the "coolest mom on the block." Aw c'mon - if mom has to buy the ticket, the daughter looks bad for not having a big enough allowance.

This would normally be the weekend when the Civic Center hosts the "Columbus International Festival." But apparently because of the monster trucks and mega-star concert, this year's event has been postponed to October - so promoters should require Hilary Duff to make up for this, by singing a song in Spanish.

E-MAIL UPDATE: The InBox title had "fixation" in it - but no, we don't have a hopeless crush on Hilary Duff. It said "Fixation With WRBL":

How do you know so much about WRBL's legal situations? Do you have a contact on the inside, or do you actually work for them? It's interesting you should know about these legal matters. In fact, the only people I could see being interested in them are MG employees.

I have a question for you: why is your "blog" not in the tradition of most blogs, in that, people get a chance to respond to each other without first having to email the blog-master the message, have it censored and edited, then post it? I find that most of my arguments on here have been whittled away, leaving myself not much of a foundation to base my arguments on, when it's those foundations which give my arguments at least some legitimacy. Just an observation.

How's that God thing working out for you? Get you off the couch yet and encourage you to walk a couple miles down the Riverwalk? Get you a little mobile, eh? Making you realize life's worth living?? Goooooooooood.

AR

Noooooooo, AR -- I do NOT work for WRBL. Ask any of the staff members, especially the ones I've mentioned here in negative terms from time to time. It's a wonder they haven't sent beggars to my door to harass me.

The update we posted Friday on the WRBL pregnancy discrimination case came from documents we reviewed at the U.S. courthouse downtown. We were first tipped off to the lawsuit last year by someone close to the case. The fact no one told us about the appeal for two months may show THEIR fixation with WRBL is gone.

Apparently there was an interest in Melissa Schultz Miller's lawsuit beyond Media General. The verdict was mentioned at web sites dealing with workplace issues, and in Atlanta's weekly "Creative Loafing." Unlike some web sites, they didn't loaf enough to copy and paste what WE wrote....

As for leaving comments on the blog - as best I recall, that option wasn't available to me when I started this two-and-a-half years ago. An adjustment now might require changing other things. And I don't dare upset the people who like the colors on our blog so much.

But what's this stuff about being "censored?" Almost everything AR has sent this blog has been posted verbatim. If I took out profane language, it probably did AR a favor - because I'd imagine he wants people to accept what he has to say.

(If any e-mails to the blog get censored, it's because I don't like to get sued. Take the one I received, making fun of part of AR's anatomy....)

And that "God thing?" Yeah, that's going OK. In fact, Thursday morning I actually RAN a couple of miles nonstop on the Riverwalk. It was more than twice as far as I jogged last year on my birthday. Thank God for morning cloud cover, to keep the sun from overheating me.

Now let's cool down with other items from the weekend:

+ Georgia Lieutenant Governor Mark Taylor visited Columbus, meeting political supporters for breakfast at Golden Corral. He doesn't call himself "The Big Guy" for nothing, you know....

+ Habitat for Humanity revealed it's thinking about moving its headquarters from Americus to Atlanta. Wow -- this board wants to get as far away from Millard Fuller as it can....

(There would be several advantages to having Habitat's headquarters in Atlanta. For one thing, Home Depot's headquarters is there. For another thing, the ride to the airport would be shorter - allowing less time to make sexy comments.)

+ Meanwhile, Harris County hosted a fund-raising equestrian event for Habitat for Humanity. This would have been fun to see - with volunteers racing out with hammers and nails, to repair any hurdle a horse knocked over.

+ The Ledger-Enquirer reported Callaway Gardens officials want a financial bailout from Harris County, because the complex is losing money. Well, Jeff Foxworthy owns all that land now - so why not give in, and open a "Redneck Dinner Theater?"

+ Beacon University's radio station WBUE-FM remained off the air, as it has been for more than a week. Maybe when fall registration begins, someone there will notice.

+ The Atlanta Falcons opened preseason play by edging Indianapolis 27-21. The game was played in Japan at 5:00 a.m. ET - proving you've got to get up pretty early in the morning to outmaneuver Michael Vick.

+ Instant Message to Muggs on Veterans Parkway: Thanks for updating the sign we noted several weeks ago - that you have 44-ounce drinks for 99 cents. That IS "really big." But why don't you outdo the convenience stores, and have a "jumbo?"

COMING MONDAY: Muscogee County goes back to school.... and we're getting complaints already....

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-05 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

5 AUG 05: NOT OVER TILL IT'S OVER

Your blog confirmed Thursday WRBL's parent company has filed appeals papers, in that federal pregnancy discrimination suit. In fact, the notice was filed in June - but if Media General hasn't announced anything about it for two months, maybe it doesn't expect to win.

The "notice of appeal" which was filed in Atlanta federal appeals court has no details about Media General's grounds. Apparently that's coming later - perhaps after attorneys watch episodes of "Boston Legal" and "The Law Firm" for ideas.

You may recall we spent a week in federal court in mid-March, covering the pregnancy discrimination trial involving WRBL. Melissa Schultz Miller wound up winning $300,000 damages, the legal limit. Hopefully she hasn't bought a fancy new car on credit - much less written a check for her legal fees.

Media General actually is supposed to pay legal costs, under the jury's verdict. But documents filed since March show the company is challenging the bills submitted by Melissa Schultz Miller's attorneys. For one thing, they can't believe the Columbus gas price was really that low....

Even more revealing in the documents we checked Thursday was one showing plaintiff's attorney Gwen Newsom-Bunn proposed a settlement with Media General - in APRIL, one month after the verdict! She'll never become District Attorney with an approach like this....

The documents also show Gwen Newsom-Bunn's offer of a post-trial settlement has brought no response from Media General. The defense refused all settlement talk before the trial, too - but these lawyers should realize in this case, silence is NOT golden.

UPDATE: Your blog contacted attorneys on both sides of the lawsuit, for comment on the appeal. Defense attorney King Tower e-mailed us late Thursday night from Virginia, saying Media General's policy is NOT to comment on pending litigation. That doesn't stop them over at Court TV....

Plaintiff's attorney Maxine Hardy told us the appeals process still is in an early stage. The last transcript of the trial was provided only last Monday. It records the verdict, the jury being polled - but did NOT include a count of how many tissues Melissa Schultz Miller used to cry over her win.

(Media General's attorneys had better not use "news coverage" as an excuse in their appeal. This blog was the only one taking notes and providing reports on the trial - and if we hadn't been there, WRBL managers might have declared they won.)

While we were at federal court, we checked on basketball coach Ashley Powell's lawsuit against the Muscogee County School District. It apparently won't go to trial before next year - so her chances of becoming Shaw High School's next football coach look grim.

Now let's pound the gavel on court matters, and consider other Thursday topics:

+ Which TV news anchor was pulled over downtown for running a red light - but the officer chose NOT to hand out a ticket, deciding the anchor was not a threat? If a city official had received this treatment, would the anchor have considered it a news story?

+ Government Center security personnel confirmed a man was ordered to leave the building Wednesday. We asked the Sheriff's Office why, but we still have no answer - and the man who was told to leave would like one, because he tells me he's stumped. He says he even was dressed up a bit....

+ The manager of Bama Lanes in Phenix City told WRBL business on weekends has doubled, since Georgia banned most public smoking. You'll know this trend is for real, if they organize a "Winston Cup" bowling league.

(Good work, WRBL - you beat me to the obvious line, about smoking bowlers appreciating any "Lucky Strike" they can get.)

+ Habitat for Humanity of Americus announced Minnesota Pastor Jonathan Reckford will be its new chief executive. He once coached the South Korean Olympic rowing team -- which had to be challenging, because one wrong oar pointing north could have started a war.

+ The Columbus Catfish slammed Savannah 5-0, and gave away Tommy Lasorda "bobble-head dolls." You could tell right away these were NOT major league bobble-heads - because Lasorda's stomach didn't bobble as well.

+ Instant Message to Qué Pasa "Tex-Mex Restaurant" on Sidney Simons Boulevard: Why did you drop the "Burrito Company" from your name? Were customers afraid to order giant bean burritos, because of (ahem) what might happen afterward?

COMING SOON: How many freebies can you get in one day in Columbus? Find out how we did....

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-05 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

UPDATE 1....

4 AUG 05: SPAM FROM MARS?

When people send jokes online, they can be funny. When they send religious messages, they can be inspirational. But when they send alerts about news events, you should be skeptical. For instance, I'm still waiting for my check from Microsoft for passing on all those e-mails....

BLOG EXCLUSIVE: The Columbus Space Science Center has taken the unusual step of posting a web page, to refute an Internet rumor. I know this because the rumor reached my InBox the other day. And no, it's NOT that tabloid cover story about the moon exploding within six months.

The e-mail from a friend of mine claimed on August 27, Mars will be at its closest point to Earth in at least 5,000 years. It reportedly will be ONLY 34,649,589 miles away. Of all the times for gas prices to jump again....

"Mark your calendar at the beginning of August," the e-mail says, "to see Mars grow progressively brighter and brighter throughout the month." Some of you don't have to look toward the heavens to see this. Simply look at the faces of parents sending their children back to school.

So what's the problem with this e-mail? The posting at the Space Science Center web site claims it contains false statements, mixed with data from another close approach two years ago. So Democrats would say it reminds them of the invasion of Iraq....

The Space Science Center web site says the REAL date for the close-up of Mars is a bit after midnight on Saturday night, October 29. Uh-oh - I can see radio station managers searching for that "War of the Worlds" Halloween broadcast now.

(That's really sneaky timing by the Martians, isn't it? They get so close to Earth, and it's on a night when many of us will be getting extra sleep with the switch back to standard time.)

The Space Science Center also reports Mars will be "about 43 million miles" from Earth this fall, not 34.6 million miles. The people who came up with this e-mail may be the same people who tell lost drivers a building ten miles away is "right down the street."

The e-mail came with photos implying Mars would be almost as large in the sky as a full moon. The Space Science Center says that's not accurate, and the moon still will be much bigger. But hold on here - could one of them be using miles, and not a metric measurement?

The e-mail apparently doesn't even have the maximum width of Mars in the sky accurate. It claims Mars will be 25.11 "arcseconds" wide, while the Space Science Center claims it really will be 20.2 "arcseconds." Some of us have trouble even drawing an arc in 20.2 seconds....

Given all these errors in need of correction, it's no wonder the Space Science Center gave its web page the name it did: "Mars Opposition 2005." The staff is opposed to bogus e-mails just as much.

The moral of this story should be a familiar one. If you receive e-mail of ANY sort promising something big, double-check it before you believe it. That's true for close-ups for Mars, just as much as spam offering a year's supply of free beer.

Now that we've resolved this mess with Mars, let's check some down-to-earth topics from Wednesday:

+ Tropical Storm Harvey formed in the Atlantic, but it's moving away from the U.S. That's a shame -- because Harvey Lumber Company and Harvey's Supermarkets were all set to have big sales.

+ WRBL showed a masked superhero visiting St. Francis Medical Center - called a "Vaccinator." In other parts of Columbus, masked people carrying needles would be arrested on charges of stealing to feed a heroin addiction.

+ Lee County Sheriff's Major Tommy Carter admitted he can't stop speeding motorcyclists because patrol cars have a top speed of 120 miles per hour, while top bikes can go above 160. If someone has a used stock car to donate, please call Sheriff Jay Jones's office.

(Call me simplistic -- but why isn't there a law limiting how fast motor vehicles can go? If the speed limit is 70, why not require companies to make cars and motorcycles which don't go faster than 70? Some NASCAR teams will cheat with spoilers, in any case.)

+ Alabama's Governor signed a bill limiting "eminent domain" by local governments. So some of you Phenix City residents can disengage the shotguns from your doorknobs....

+ Auburn University released tape of students involved in a summer "study abroad" program in Italy. Only one important detail was missing - how do you yell "War Eagle" in Italian?

+ Georgia's "Silver Challengers" lost in the A.S.A. national fastpitch tournament - and it looked from the highlights like they played on a South Commons field with a plywood panel for first base. If we're going to have "turn back the clock" day, stick to uniforms.

(Please don't tell me a panhandler dug up some bases overnight, and was trying to sell them as tournament souvenirs....)

+ Instant Message to whomever put the Glenwood School listing in the BellSouth Yellow Pages: It's for a SCHOOL, after all - so how could you misspell it "Glennwood?" TWICE?? Is this school focusing on spelling and English, or football and baseball?

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© 2003-05 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

3 AUG 05: STATE OF DISUNION

We knew the change was coming for months. Now it's supposed to be officially here. But "Troy University" hasn't quite arrived in the Columbus area yet. Maybe Phenix City has a more powerful "State department" than we realized.

We mentioned Tuesday Troy University was adopting the same name at all campuses, removing the word "State." But a check by your blog in Phenix City Tuesday found there's plenty of name adjusting left to do at that campus, and it could be expensive. So if tuition keeps going up, this is one reason why....

Our "blog buzzer" started sounding well before we reached Troy's Phenix City campus. Two exit signs from the 280 Bypass to U.S. 431 still say "Troy State." Perhaps we should expect that from state highway signs - but how long did it take to change Don Siegelman's name to Bob Riley's at the state line?

The biggest adjustment ahead would seem to be at the campus entrance along U.S. 431. "Troy State University" is in big letters - and if drivers traveling 70 miles an hour or faster don't shake those letters loose, a crew will have serious work to do.

(To be fair: a backhoe was parked behind the entrance sign Tuesday. But I think it was for landscaping work in the back - because it would need to crash into the big sign several times to knock it over.)

It turns out none of the visible signs along the access road to Troy University and Chattahoochee Valley Community College said merely "Troy." The "State" remains on buildings and directional signs -- as if they're waiting for Cowboy Troy to show up and have a concert making the change official.

You may consider all of this no big deal -- but when AFLAC made its big logo change last year, it was very well organized. Little entry signs along Wynnton Road were covered with "duck logo" bags right away, until nice-looking replacements were ready -- and passers-by didn't even take the bags to collect cans.

If AFLAC can be this prepared for a surprise logo change, why hasn't Troy University in Phenix City changed its signs - when we all knew the name change was coming a year ago? Couldn't enough students be found to fix these things for minimum wage?

(By the way, we did NOT check the former "Troy State at Fort Benning" Tuesday. Security is probably so tight there that the words "blog camera" might have led to questions about whether we know any terrorists.)

BLOG UPDATE: Doesn't it just figure? Columbus gas prices jumped about a dime Tuesday, right after we recommended a low price of $2.05 a gallon. It's apparently due to the death of the Saudi Arabian king -- so this could be just a passing Fahd.

From what I've seen, the new gas price champion is a Big Cat station on U.S. 431 in Phenix City. It had $2.13 on its sign Tuesday afternoon - which could mean the manager only listens to rock music stations, and hasn't heard any news the last couple of days.

If you're reading this aloud, you can hear other news from Tuesday:

+ Columbus Police joined community groups for the "National Night Out" against crime. They should schedule this event for a more appropriate time - like July 4, to stop all the people shooting illegal fireworks.

+ Sumter County Superior Court Judge Rucker Smith was arrested on battery charges, accused of attacking his girlfriend. If security guards are going to stop weapons from entering courthouses, they should also stop judges from carrying gavels out.

+ The Columbus Public Library introduced a new information blog - and called it on the library web site a "CLOG." And all this time, I thought those things were in kitchen sinks....

(Some of you in rural areas should be offended by this -- as a big-city library is claiming it's full of cloggers.)

+ A group asked Columbus Council to change the hours for Northside Recreation Center, to close it on Friday instead of Sunday. And here's the strange thing - the people suggesting this didn't look Muslim.

+ Johnston Textiles announced it's moving more than 130 jobs from its Phenix City mill to Opp, Alabama. That'll teach all of you who wore "O.P.P." caps and T-shirts years ago....

(Can Phenix City officials challenge this move in court? They need some way to express their Opp-position....)

+ CB&T of Russell County announced it will change its name to CB&T of East Alabama. If this bank really wants more Alabama customers, it should change the name again - and make it EAB&T.

+ Instant Message to Lucy the checkout lady, who told me "you can never have enough cookies": Do you realize where you work? I thought Walgreens was supposed to promote healthy living....

(Keep talking like that, Lucy, and you might have a great future selling pop-up Internet ads.)

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

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© 2003-05 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

2 AUG 05: A.S.A. POSSIBLE

A warm welcome to the thousands of softball players, coaches and parents in Columbus for the national 18-and-under fastpitch tournament. Hopefully you won't face the "fast pitch" becoming more popular here -- from panhandlers seeking money.

An estimated 5,000 teenage girls begin play at South Commons today, seeking the A.S.A. 18-and-under national fastpitch softball title. Countless teenage boys in Columbus are thankful for one thing - they don't have to go back to school until next Monday.

There's even a team from Hawaii in Columbus for the fastpitch tournament. The players might wind up disappointed - because I can't think of a single restaurant in town which sells poi and saimin.

Monday night featured a fastpitch welcome event at the Columbus Civic Center, after a day of coaches' meetings at the Trade Center. Perhaps they were reminded of the new South Commons ground rule -- that any home run intentionally aimed at Port Columbus may be considered a terroristic threat.

The Columbus Sports Council bid about $35,000 to obtain the A.S.A. 18-and-under fastpitch tournament. It expects the city to gain more than $10 million from the visitors -- and you can add an extra $100,000 if gas prices go up while they're in town.

A manager at Houlihan's Old Place downtown expects his business will go up 40 percent during the softball tournament. But of course, his restaurant is attached to a hotel. How many teams will make a special trip to the Library Café?

Janice Davis of the Columbus Sports Council admitted to WRBL Monday under nearby cities want a piece of the softball surplus. For instance, Forsyth County, Georgia had people at Monday night's welcome event. But up there, some residents would want to screen the players and keep the minorities out.

There's now a big softball complex in Troup County, and officials there have tried for a few years to steal the college "Leadoff Classic" away from Columbus. This proves they don't play slow-pitch softball - because you can't steal in slow-pitch.

(Considering the weather during the Leadoff Classic in late February, Troup County's officials forgot one important thing which could work in their favor - a rolling roof for the fields.)

The A.S.A. event marks the latest attempt by the Columbus Sports Council to make the city a softball hotbed. But be honest now - did YOU know this big tournament was coming to town until a few days ago? I saw banners downtown that said "welcome teams," and guessed they might be Amway salespeople.

Columbus dreamed big about softball after hosting the 1996 Olympic tournament. But the outcome at times has been small:

+ A couple of "Superball" international tournaments were held at South Commons. But these days, you're more likely to find an international crowd down the street at Ritmo Latino nightclub.

+ Columbus hosted the Southeastern Conference softball tournament a couple of times. But that vanished like the Vanderbilt softball program....

+ Remember the Georgia Pride pro softball team? The Columbus RedStixx drew more fans during summer - and that wasn't saying much.

But again, welcome to all the teenage fastpitch players. Don't forget to meet Columbus State softball coach Tiffany Tootle while you're in town - and when you leave, be sure to say, "Tootle-oo."

BLOG UPDATE: Today marks one week since my last phone call from Mr. Z -- the man who woke me up on a recent Saturday morning [24 Jul]. Perhaps he's finally figured out how to dial 311 for city problems....

You may recall Mr. Z promised to send me mail detailing in "chronological order" his recent history. It arrived, but including the cover letter it runs only three pages. I know some people who write year-end family letters longer than that.

Mr. Z's chronological order is very lacking in dates, but he writes a police officer once considered him a "crazy man" for speaking out against drug dealers. This may have been in the era before neighborhood "drug marches" - back when people didn't get mad, but moved out.

Mr. Z reveals he's been jailed twice for false accusations. In one case, his ex-wife apparently accused him of making terroristic threats against children. If someone had told me about D-FACS when I was young, my Dad never would have threatened to smack me with a belt.

Mr. Z claims his ex-wife tried to take control of his military retirement money around 1989, after she "tried [to] have [me] committed against my own will." It's no wonder he resisted that - since the military wanted to do that for decades.

Mr. Z's writing isn't perfect English, but he declares at one point: "Jealousy, envy, stupidity, bigotry and racism all upon which has no color boundary, is what ended my life." I think he means getting involved in politics - because otherwise, that Saturday morning phone call was stranger than I ever thought.

Now other items from a mild Monday - at least for August in Columbus, it was:

+ Muscogee County Schools held a back-to-school kickoff rally for teachers. Georgia School Superintendent Kathy Cox says it's good to start the year with "a winning attitude" - so the longer some high schools can put off their first football game, the better.

+ Troy University permanently removed the "State" from its name at all campuses. This could open the door for trouble - as wily seniors try to tell incoming freshmen the university was founded by 1960's actor Troy Donahue.

+ Papa John's Pizza restaurants executed "Operation Pizza Drop," sending 500 pizzas to Fort Benning soldiers in Iraq. Hopefully none of those pizzas have pepperoni on them - because hardline Muslims who oppose eating pork want any excuse for a new uprising.

+ WXTX "News at Ten" reported Georgia has become one of the top states in the country for real estate scams. One scam to avoid is called "property flipping." If someone offers to turn your kitchen table upside down, call police.

+ Columbus native Sam Mitchell opened a basketball camp at Columbus State University. WRBL noted Mitchell "just finished his first season coaching the Toronto Raptors." In today's N.B.A., you know what that means - next year will be his LAST season coaching the Raptors.

+ Instant Message to whomever is spreading wild rumors about Michael Soul of Foxie-105 FM: He was on vacation. I'm told his wife had a child. If people gave him cash to buy baby gifts, I don't think that's payola.

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $2.05 a gallon at Spectrum near the Civic Center.... 100% whole wheat bread for 89 cents at Dolly Madison bakery stores.... FREE softballs if you stand outside the outfield fences at South Commons....

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-05 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

1 AUG 05: HEY, BIG SPENDERS

The answer suddenly came to me Sunday - the answer about why Columbus Mayor Bob Poydasheff seems unconcerned about panhandlers. City officials do the same sort of begging all the time, only for state and federal grant money.

Why would a federal transportation bill include money for the National Infantry Museum? Georgia Congressman Sanford Bishop says the project is in line for more than seven million federal dollars, under a bill sent to President Bush. Are they planning tank races on the grounds, or what?!

A list of transportation bill items from Sanford Bishop's office actually mentions the National Infantry Museum twice. The biggest item is more than five million dollars for a "transportation network." You may remember when this had another name - roads.

There's also $1.7 million earmarked for a "multimodal facility" at the National Infantry Museum. I think that means you'll be able to get there by car, bicycle or armored personnel carrier.

But wait, there's more! The new National Infantry Museum will be along South Lumpkin Road - and the transportation bill includes $400,000 for a trail on that road. The true infantry member will want to march, after all....

Not far away, the transportation bill provides more than one million dollars to improve the Victory Drive exit from Interstate 185. This is strange, since parts of that exit recently were closed due to security improvements at Fort Benning.
Please don't tell me they forgot the toll booths....

You may not know the "Streetscape" work in downtown Columbus is funded by federal money. Rep. Sanford Bishop says the transportation bill includes $800,000 for phase III of that project - so maybe business owners on Broadway should fly to Washington personally next time, to stop it.

(There's also $160,000 for a Streetscape project in Richland. Given what some business owners in downtown Columbus have been saying, this federal money might close the town completely.)

Rep. Mike Rogers of Alabama issued his own statement, noting the transportation bill will help build a new exit on the Phenix City side of J.R. Allen Parkway. The ramps will lead to and from the new hospital. Before all the malpractice suits, we might have wondered why doctors didn't pay for this themselves.

If that's not enough, Senator Jeff Sessions noted the transportation bill has $18 million for a new interchange in Auburn. You'll be able to get off Interstate 85 at Beehive Road -- and who knows how many older Southern women will do this, looking for a hairdresser.

Critics of this sort of bill call it "pork-barrel spending," filled with all sorts of special projects for lawmaker's home territories. Alabama state lawmakers sometimes call it "pass-through pork" - and if you haven't eaten it in a while, the pork is liable to do exactly that.

Yet supporters of the projects we've listed say they will benefit this area immensely. After all, how do you raise millions of dollars for these improvements in the private sector? The $160,000 for Richland alone would take years of spaghetti dinners....

Members of Congress would argue they're trying to make sure your tax money comes back to you. The approach merely is different this year, after those two government rebate checks came in the mail.

If you're not happy with Congress spending federal tax money on transportation projects in this area, keep something in mind. That money could be going to Iraq, to build transportation projects there instead -- and some might suggest Iraq needs the work much more.

Before I doze off in front of the computer, let's catch up on all sorts of things from the weekend....

+ The Georgia tax-free holiday ended with my purchasing an item which should significantly improve this blog. I went to that "big yard sale" on Broadway Sunday -- and spent 50 cents on a joke book.

+ Edward DuBose of the Georgia NAACP faced tough questions on WCGT's "Out of Order." One caller demanded something be done about "radical" Columbus President Bill Madison -- to which host Nate Sanderson said DuBose is more likely to reprimand people in private. That hasn't stopped some civil rights leaders....

+ Columbus Regional opened its new Spring Harbor retirement village -- and one resident compared it to the Titanic [True/WRBL]. The sooner Columbus building inspectors check this complex from top to bottom, the better we'll feel.

+ Singer and TV star Hilary Duff told the Ledger-Enquirer she's dating the lead singer of the band "Good Charlotte." Who knows how many parents' jaws dropped when they read that - until their children reminded them Good Charlotte is NOT a "girl group?"

+ LaGrange golfer Allen Doyle rallied from nine strokes behind to win the U.S. Senior Open. This could earn Doyle some major endorsement deals - and it's about time Geritol made a comeback.

+ Columbus Catfish second baseman Travis Denker won a promotion in the Los Angeles Dodger system. He's now at what they call in minor league baseball "high-A Vero Beach" - and sometimes I wish the managers made players sing a "high A" on their arrival.

+ Instant Message to Desiree Taylor: We wish you well as you leave WRBL for a new job in Elmira, New York. But we're comforted by one thing - new reporter Susanna Avery could pass for your twin sister.

Your PayPal donations can keep this blog ad-free and independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-05 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.