21 SEP 08: THE 5:15 SURPRISE
Saturday was a peaceful, lovely day. It was perfect for a cool walk in the neighborhood shortly after sunrise. And as my next-door neighbor noted as I returned, I didn't work up a sweat by walking at all.
In the late afternoon, I prepared to drive to church. I showered, shaved, brushed my teeth and knelt by my bed to pray - but in the middle of the prayer, someone knocked on my door. Now who could this be....
+ The neighbor who's complained about where I park my car? No, he was evicted last week - uniformed Marshal and all. I thank him for the nice carpeted doormat I salvaged from the curb.
+ A passing beggar? They've gone door to door at times over the years - including one on a Saturday afternoon who was collecting bus fare to Tuskegee.
+ A pair of Jehovah's Witnesses? They tend to come earlier in the day - as if they take that Bible verse about "the night comes when no man can work" literally.
Admittedly, I wasn't wearing much when the knock came at the door. I was praying with a Velcro towel wrap over my underwear, and wearing a pair of slippers. This may not seem like much -- but remember, Adam and Eve were before God for awhile in even less than that.
"In Christ's name, amen," I said quietly so as not to offend the Object of my prayer. Then to borrow from that December poem, I rose from my knees to see what was the matter. I couldn't tell by peering around the door -- as if a TMZ photographer was hiding from me.
"Hi. Pastor David!?" a man finally said -- the pastor of the church I'm attending these days. I was getting ready to hear him preach at 6:00, but he apparently decided to make a pre-game appearance.
Pastor David was out hand-delivering "welcome packets" to new attendees. But he admittedly didn't recognize me. I think that was more due to my lack of glasses at the door, than the fact that I lacked a sportscoat and tie.
It took Pastor David a moment to grasp the awkward situation he'd put me in - standing at the door in little more than a loincloth. Thankfully, he did NOT scold me on the spot for being as immodest as a Chippendale dancer.
"You must be getting ready for church," the pastor finally said -- and I opened the door a bit, so he could hand me the welcome packet. Sometimes a 6:00 p.m. service has disadvantages, compared to Sunday morning at 9:00....
I was surprised by the pastor's timing, but not really that upset. He was going out of his way to make a new attendee feel welcome. In contrast, Jehovah's Witnesses are more like political candidates - going door-to-door to win your support.
Now that we've had our moment of openness, let's close the books on some weekend headlines....
+ A woman appeared on WRBL to complain about a comment District Attorney Gray Conger made Thursday - a comment which apparently was made on WXTX. So why go to another station to complain about it? Did the woman decide Fox 54 is as Republican-biased as Fox News Channel?
+ WLTZ reported the Columbus Goodwill Industries agency is no longer in need of United Way funding. Apparently the new thrift store on Veterans Parkway is a success - as shoppers discover some of the stores at Columbus Park Crossing are simply too high.
+ The Junior League of Columbus had its annual "attic sale" at the Civic Center. To protect the new floor, I assume this time the sale actually was held IN the attic....
+ The Springer Opera House opened its new season with "Menopause: The Musical." If you spot a woman singing at the top of her lungs about this, it's a musical. If she's simply shouting, she's probably in it.
+ Columbus Youth Football held its season kickoff at McClung Memorial Stadium. The program marks its 50th anniversary this year - yet for some reason, no ceremonies were held at Golden Park.
(Oh yes, this reminds me - why did the people who updated the South Commons signs to add the Skate Park fail to add "McClung" to the Memorial Stadium name? If it's a matter of being paid by the letter, they could have added a simple A.J.)
+ The NCAA cleared Auburn University of major wrongdoing, in a recent football grades controversy. The "Directed Studies" courses taken by players were traced to two professors - who I assume have been directed to go teach at the Montgomery campus.
+ On the field, Auburn lost to Louisiana State 26-21. The Auburn radio team kept referring to L.S.U. as the "Fighting Tigers" - making me wonder if that's why the other Tigers lost.
+ Georgia remained undefeated by assailing Arizona State 27-10. ABC's Brent Musberger kept talking about how pro football scouts love Bulldog quarterback Matthew Stafford - almost as if backup Joe Cox's parents paid him to do it, so Stafford turns pro early.
+ Instant Message to the Auburn student who held up a "Barkley for Governor" sign around the GameDay set: I hate to break the news to you - but Charles Barkley appears on TNT, and this was an ESPN show.
BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $3.99 a gallon at Circle K, U.S. 80 and Summerville Road.... FREE International Festival at the Civic Center, 2:00-7:00 p.m. ET.... Great Value fudge sandwich cookies for $1.88 at Wal-Mart (but the package needs an addiction warning)....
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