19 SEP 08: THE RHYMES OF THE ANCIENT MARINE

"I see you're still running," the man wearing glasses said as he approached me Thursday afternoon. Actually, I was walking at that moment - since it's easier to carry a package of brownies home from the store that way.

The man said some other things, but loud trucks rolled by on Fourth Street and I couldn't hear him. So I asked the man to start over from the beginning with what he said. Big mistake - as I didn't recognize a man who can make long-winded politicians look like they're on time limits.

"I still see you running," the man holding a bicycle said. "And you do it regularly. That shows you have commitment. Like the Marines." He served in the Marines during the Vietnam era. But really now -- I don't run nearly fast enough to pass training at Parris Island.

"I can tell you're an intelligent person," the ex-Marine wearing a Corona Extra hat on his head continued. "You listen to Beethoven." I didn't realize my glasses were that thick and nerdy.

The ex-Marine only made about 30 seconds' worth of comments to me originally. Now he decided to go non-stop - as if he was a member of Congress utilizing the privilege to "revise and extend my remarks." He emphasized the extend part....

From Beethoven, the ex-Marine suddenly switched to rapid-fire poetry. "A wise old owl sat in an oak. The more he heard, the less he spoke...." Only later did I discover he was reciting a nursery rhyme - and that surprised me, as he also claimed to quote some lines from Carl Sandberg.

The ex-Marine seemed to say whatever came to his mind. But his mind kept jumping from point to point, as if he had attention deficit disorder. Among those quick points....

+ He admires the armies of Sweden and Ireland for being "fighters." Sweden?! Is he talking about the latest bombardment of ABBA music, in "Mamma Mia?"

+ Marines are all about being strong in "mind, body and spirit." Yet when he started spelling out some of his words to me, he lacked the presence of mind to spell "sacrifice" properly.

+ He wants to be a writer someday - and talks of having a Royal typewriter. I actually still have an old manual version. But no one has yet to make a cord which connects it to a printer.

+ "We don't need a dove," he says about the presidential race. "We need a WAR-hawk!" So he backs John McCain - and then he notes Cain killed brother Abel in the Bible. I haven't even heard fundamentalist preachers use this kind of logic.

+ Jesus is coming back on "my birthday - May 21, 2011." Who knew God would have such mercy on a former Marine who rides bicycles?

I'm familiar with this prediction date - and when the ex-Marine quoted "Brother Camping" to justify it, I attempted my only interruption of his commentary. "He was wrong in 1994." Some ministers keep setting dates like they're going to die trying - and I somehow suspect Harold Camping will.

Eventually the ex-Marine said, "I'm looking for some feedback from you." He finally stopped so I could respond - and I looked at my watch.

"You've talked for about 25 minutes," I pointed out. This is what happens when you follow the example of Marine officer training lectures.

I also told the ex-Marine while he had said a lot of things which were true, his points were so disjointed that most people who heard him would consider him crazy. The exceptions might be Columbus State University students specializing in "performance art."

The ex-Marine realized I'd given him some criticism, but he seemed to accept it. Then he tried to start a second sermon. "I gave you 25 minutes to talk non-stop, sir," I said. "What more do you need to say?" Maybe this is why I'm still not married....

I started interrupting the ex-Marine when he repeated earlier points, yet he kept looking for new ones. He offered to buy me a soda inside the convenience store, saying he makes money by collecting cans while on his bicycle. It's a good thing I didn't tell him about Blaze Recycling's new car-shredding service.

Eventually the ex-Marine talked about the sacrifice of Jesus Christ - and when he compared it to the Bible account of Abraham offering to give up his son Isaac, he started to cry. Within about a minute, his talking was over. And I probably didn't give him the response he wanted, by falling at his feet and repenting.

I mentioned I had not recognized this man - but as I walked home, old memories came back. He seemed to be the same man who saw me after a wintry Wednesday night run on the Riverwalk several years ago, and proceeded to "praise" me with a non-stop speech about everything from the military to Michael Jackson. Only when I noted the temperature did he think to offer me his jacket.

For some reason over the years, people with a truckload of topics to unload have crossed my path to do it. I've mentioned before the man who called me at home and vented for as long as 85 minutes about his life and personal observations. When I put a ten-minute time limit on his calls, he took it almost as an insult.

You're probably saying you would have walked away, and ignored this ex-Marine. You might have concluded he'd fallen off his bicycle once too often. But I wasn't really under a time deadline. And I actually thought the man might stop after a minute or two - once he realized that owl in the oak tree story should apply to him.

There's one other small reason why I let the ex-Marine keep talking. A couple of times during his "conversation," he told me: "You're not obese, you're not overweight...." I know better than that - but extra buttering up can be tasty from time to time.

We returned to Thursday night poker, after several weeks away. Learn how we did by visiting our other blog, "On the Flop!"

E-MAIL UPDATE: We had to think carefully about whether or not to post this - and decided finally to post about 97 percent of it....

Hi, Richard --

My grandmother used to say that the only time a lady's name should appear in the paper (or a blog in today's world) is when she's getting married or dies. So, in honor of my grandmother, will you please keep my name out of your blog, especially when you're quoting someone from Talbot County who is making data-free decisions about my character, motive and future plans? If I ever get married or when I die, I'll have someone contact you. While Ms. Owens has property in Muscogee County, it is my understanding that she lives in Talbot County, and therefore is not eligible to serve on a board or commission appointed by the Mayor or City Council.

Thanks for understanding -

OK, I understand - and the person who signed this e-mail (well, she admitted she's a lady) is NOT having her name posted. But I wonder what Hillary Rodham Clinton and Sarah Palin would think of this sort of reasoning.

And I hope this woman also has written the Ledger-Enquirer with the same request. The recent series of messages from Deborah Owens was sparked NOT by this blog, but by that woman's name appearing in the newspaper. And it wasn't even a slap in the "Sound Off" column....

BLOG UPDATE: Whatever happened to Deborah Singer? We're happy to report the former Columbus TV anchor is now engaged - and she's also engaged in a contest to win a FREE wedding in Charleston, South Carolina. You can vote for her to win once a day, through mid-October. If you don't - well, no one in Columbus has thought of this promotional idea yet.

Now for some actual Thursday news headlines....

+ The Third Infantry Division held a reunion at Fort Benning. Remember, old soldiers never die - their war stories simply get recycled to a new generation.

+ People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals announced it will honor the Columbus Fire Department, for rescuing four kittens from a 6 September fire. Talk about raising the bar! Now "right to life" groups will have to hand out awards, when people are pulled from fires.

+ WLTZ interviewed a Columbus man who jogs 15 minutes to work every day. His job is at Bill Heard Enterprises - so this story could start rumors about the local car lots all over again.

+ President Bush canceled a planned campaign trip to Huntsville. Aides said he needed to stay in Washington, to address problems in the banking industry. Apparently the Republican campaign committees aren't putting their money in Washington Mutual, to overcome this....

+ WRBL reported the Auburn University Dean of Students is urging students NOT to boo at Saturday's game against Louisiana State. That's not going to help the football team's confidence very much - not the booing, but the fact that an administrator has to issue statements like this.

+ Instant Message to all bicyclists, including that ex-Marine: When you're not on the Riverwalk, please remember to use the street and not the sidewalk. You get in the way of joggers like me - and these days, you actually can show up those drivers of gas-guzzling SUV's.

COMING THIS WEEKEND: The interesting words of a local man who's had a very stressful week....

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