24 SEP 08: SILLY SEASON

So I'm dialing around the 6:00 p.m. newscasts Tuesday night - and I stumble upon what appears to be a presidential debate. And of all things, it was in Columbus! The weather couldn't possibly have been that bad in Atlanta, to divert more than one flight....

But a closer look revealed this was NOT a real presidential debate. For one thing, John McCain spoke with an obvious drawl. That guy sounded much more like Phenix City, Alabama than Phoenix, Arizona.

What WLTZ showed actually was a mock presidential debate, between John McCain and Barack Obama impersonators. This is what your news department does when The 6:00 Report has lower ratings than "Half and Half."

No wait - WLTZ did NOT stage this debate. It was put on by TSYS employees at the Columbus Trade Center. And it was done to kick off the company's annual United Way campaign -- which can only dream of matching the donations that the presidential candidates are raising this month.

TSYS is the biggest contributor to United Way of the Chattahoochee Valley. Employees of the credit card processor provide about 13 percent of the annual budget. This can't possibly explain why United Way provides NO funds to the Consumer Credit Counseling Service....

But anyway: during the TSYS "debate," John Mock-Cain (as I would call him) praised what United Way does to help homeless people. From my own experiences recorded here, I've learned Columbus has more homeless people than the real John McCain has houses.

Barack Faux-bama in the TSYS debate urged spectators to consider how much food United Way agencies provide for needy people. It's close to two million pounds a year - which is approximately what the Auburn University defensive line will eat this season.

Some of the spectators at the TSYS kickoff event went all-out. I saw one poster reading, "Hockey moms for United Way." But from what I could tell, any "lipstick on a pig" is reserved for a Piggly Wiggly fund-raiser.

As of Tuesday, Election Day was 42 days away. I think Rush Limbaugh stepped outside and saw his shadow in the Florida sun, so we have six more weeks of campaigning....

But as we've noted, campaign fever can take unusual forms. I've seen a couple of e-mails in recent weeks from a "Presidential candidate" who claims to channel messages -- from people as wide-ranging as Jesus Christ and Robert E. Lee. He apparently does the channeling, when a dead people considers Shirley MacLaine too liberal.

This North Dakota psychic (please note I'm NOT naming him) recently released a message to President Bush, in which Robert E. Lee purportedly offers to organize a volunteer force to remove Russian soldiers from the Republic of Georgia. Well, at least Lee knows it's different from the state of Georgia he loved so much....

Robert E. Lee supposedly wants each state of the old Confederacy to provide 200 paid "volunteers," serving under "the stars and bars" to oust the Russian Red Army from the Republic of Georgia. Of course, the joke could be on this psychic - if some European psychic gets opposing orders from Josef Stalin.

But if this presidential candidate really wants "the South to rise again" as his e-mail states, why send his message to President Bush? Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue actually might support this idea - if only because he can buy some land in the Republic of Georgia at a discount price.

Have you visited our other blog? It's based on poker, but gets into much more. Read "On the Flop!"

E-MAIL UPDATE: Since we're talking elections....

I was reading the story about early voting and noticed that there was a link to the ballot....

Looking at the ballot, we are voting for John McCain or Barak Obama for president. I know you are looking for more comedy and less investigative journalism, but aren't we supposed to vote for the slate of electors to the Electoral College and not the president himself (or herself one day).



I'll try to help with the comedy - in reference to the Electoral College it's a shame that they don't even have a football team, but the same can be said for a lot of schools between here and insert opposing team's city.



Best to you

Bruce

Bruce needs to take another look at that ballot -- because he left out Libertarian Presidential candidate Bob Barr. Barr clearly isn't the Republican prosecutor he used to be. Else he wouldn't have joined with Jimmy Carter, in trying to stop Tuesday night's execution.

This bit of investigation turned out to be rather simple. We called the Muscogee County Election Board Tuesday, and was told their ballot follows state guidelines. In the last couple of Presidential votes, Georgia moved away from lists of "electors" to the tickets themselves. That way, voters aren't scared away from an "Obama" by someone named "Brown."

A call to the Georgia Secretary of State's office to a 2005 change in the law, which removed a requirement for presidential electors to be listed with the candidates. It apparently was buried in the controversial "Voter ID" law. So now you have to show identification at the polls, but the electoral college delegates don't.

You may not realize the Democratic list of Georgia electors has a couple of local names. State House members Carolyn Hugley and Calvin Smyre are ready to vote for Barack Obama in December. So much for Smyre keeping his Monday choice at the Government Center a secret.

And oh yes - depending on the outcome of our Big Blog Question, we're willing to take joke ideas from our readers. Certainly the Electoral College is a small college. And this season, the LaGrange College football team actually appears capable of defeating it.

Now for another vote, which we mentioned here a few days ago:

Hi Richard,

I hope this email finds you well! Thanks so much for mentioning me on your blog last week concerning the short video I submitted .... ln in a free wedding contest! We are so excited to be 1 of the 4 finalists!

As you know, I am a young breast cancer survivor and unfortunately carry the gene mutation (BRCA1) which puts me at a higher risk for a recurrence. I have been under heavy surveillance the last three years, and I have to admit the medical bills are piling up. I no longer make the "big" anchor money and now work as a documentary producer for a nonprofit TV station here in Fayetteville, AR. I LOVE my job because it allows me to showcase the causes that are very important to me, like breast cancer awareness. (I actually just won my first Telly Award for a documentary I did on young breast cancer survivors--you can watch a 5 minute clip of it here:....

Anyway, this wedding contest that we've entered would be a dream come true. Unfortunately we are competing for votes alongside a reality TV show couple from CBS's SURVIVOR-CHINA....

To win this wedding, we are going to need A LOT of votes! I was wondering if you could help me spread the word to all of your friends and blog readers. October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, so it would be very timely.

Thanks again for your support! And remember to vote for us, if you can, once a day through October 17!

http://www.charlestonweddinggiveaway.com/vote/deborah_craig.html

Take care, Richard!

Best,

Deborah Singer

Welllll - OK, I'll give this contest one more mention here. But if the bride-to-be isn't careful, she's going to become as pesky as some of those Muscogee County write-in candidates. Well, the ones who were pesky back in July....

It's sad to learn former WXTX news anchor Deborah Singer has been "under heavy surveillance" for three years. I presumed the Metro Narcotics Task Force would save this for someone who acted more like a drug runner.

Deborah Singer and her future husband certainly face a tough challenge, in that reality TV couple. The recent news about tainted milk has shown "Survivor China" may have been the most difficult contest of them all.

Now let's get caught up on other news from the last couple of days:

+ The Education Park Coalition announced the Georgia Supreme Court will hear its appeal, about greenspace around the Columbus Public Library. A statement from member Josh McKoon says the appeal concerns whether the Coalition had to prove "Columbus Consolidated Government acted ultra vires...." Keep using Latin phrases like this, and Jeremy Hobbs might misunderstand and file his own argument.

+ Phenix City Intermediate School held a family "Space Night," which included the firing of water rockets into the air. Is this really a good idea for middle- schoolers? Some smart aleck boys might use the locker room during physical education class for practice.

+ The RiverCenter announced the 18 October concert by Natalie Cole has been postponed. You may have heard Cole was hospitalized, due to hepatitis C. And this is one C-section no one wants to undergo....

+ Instant Message to Senator Richard Shelby of Alabama: Did I read that quote correctly - you oppose government bailouts? Then why do you keep bragging in news releases about big federal grants, to keep state projects going?

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