9 SEP 07: CROOKED NUMBERS?

"That Cash Three game is crooked." That's what one man said in my earshot the other night, at a Columbus bar. And of course, we all know information is far more reliable at bars than on the Internet....

I heard this accusation at the little bar in my neighborhood where I've been playing poker on Thursday nights. This past Thursday was my best showing yet, as I finished fourth out of about 15 players. I was helped by the fact that a few opponents actually wanted to go out early - and go play poker with real money at the other side of the building.

One man who joined me in the "final four" was distracted by a game on a nearby TV screen. It wasn't the opening game of the pro football season - it was a Keno screen, where you allegedly can win $100,000 every four minutes. If the action is that dramatic, you'd think Keno would be shown on local cable TV.

Someone else in the bar suggested it would be easy for the Georgia Lottery to fix the Keno game. After all, the screen only shows computerized balls being shot at a game board. You never see which geek in Atlanta is holding the joystick, or which direction he's pointing.

The Keno fan seemed to agree with that suggestion. And that's when he declared, "That Cash Three game is crooked." This was news to me - since host Glenn Burns is one of the most trusted weather forecasters in Atlanta.

How could Cash Three be a crooked game? Without my even asking, the skeptic explained. "Sometimes the camera does a fade, right before they show a number. Have you seen that?" A couple of people said they had. I personally hadn't - and I actually watch the numbers drop, to practice my skills in speaking Spanish.

The skeptic of Cash Three went further, suggesting the machines sometimes slow down right before one particular number falls in the slot. So?! Drivers sometimes do that, to avoid three-way collisions on the J.R. Allen Parkway.

Then a nearby woman joined the conspiracy club. "When they took Cash Three off TV, I stopped betting on it." You may recall WRBL once stopped showing the Georgia Lottery completely for several months -- but I think the remaining 95 percent of Georgia still could watch it.

But the original skeptic who called Cash Three "crooked" doesn't think the Mega Millions game is. He explained it's run by "a company in California or someplace." Yet the drawing usually is held in Atlanta, in the same studio as Cash Three - so those tricksters have him outsmarted there.

I simply listened to this discussion, not challenging a thing. After all, I was on my best night of poker yet -- and one key to success is keeping your poker face on as long as you can....

But as I think about this claim now, it strikes me as strange. KPMG "certifies" every Georgia Lottery drawing, as well as Mega Millions. I assume that means the accounting firm ensures the games are conducted fairly. Maybe if their staff wore striped shirts, like referees....

Yet that skeptic at the bar probably would argue KPMG is under contract to the Georgia Lottery, so the staff isn't likely to blow the whistle on violations and lose income. So why doesn't he call a state lawmaker, and demand an investigation? Does he have a child in college on a HOPE scholarship?

BLOG UPDATE: Speaking of tricksters, we return now to the older man who needed four dollars from me after his roommate entered the hospital. After we posted Friday's entry, I happened to come across him as I walked to my car for grocery shopping.

"I never asked you what you needed the money for."

"Yeah, and I thank you for letting me have it...." Maybe he was off to play dodgeball somewhere.

So I became more direct, yet still quiet and polite: "So what DID you spend the money on?"

"I bought me some cigarettes. I smoke.... and I got me a beer." My neighbors who didn't give him money must read poker bluffs better than I do.

"Very well" was all I could say in response, as the older man walked away. But after I climbed inside my car and closed the door, I added a P.S. he didn't hear. "I'm not doing THAT again." Then I started repenting, as I drove up Veterans Parkway....

This man had come to my door Thursday, and led off the conversation with his roommate entering the hospital - and then he used my loan to buy cigarettes and beer?!?! I figured he'd want the roommate to come home from the hospital, not join him there for cancer treatment.

Shame on.... well, shame on me first. I should have asked what the man planned to do with that four dollars. If he had been honest and said he was going to buy cigarettes, I would have turned down colder than a Kool.

While I can't prove it, I suspect years of cigarette smoking led to a brain aneurysm which killed my mother before she turned 60. So I want nothing to do with cigarettes or cigars. May they never find a connection between cancer and chocolate chip cookies.

As I write this, the older man still hasn't repaid the four dollars. (You'll recall he promised to give me five on Friday.) I've learned from bosses and church pastors how to handle this. When he provides the money, I plan to politely thank him. But if when he asks for a loan again, the trap will be set - and I'll give him a lecture along the lines of Dr. Phil, only without the swear words.

With that drama to be continued, and best wishes to all for Grandparent's Day, let's send some Instant Messages....

+ To Auburn football coach Tommy Tuberville: After the way you let the clock run out in regulation and lost to South Florida in overtime, no one should ever call you the "riverboat gambler" again.

+ To Auburn radio analyst Stan White: What do you mean, "You can't commit five turnovers and win in this league"?! Last time I checked, South Florida played in the Big East Conference.

+ To the Georgia Tech football team: Wow - 69 to 21?! Were you playing Samford, or the staff of Sam's Club?

+ To accused Americus murderer Johnny Ray Cochran: Please don't do it. Please don't hire an attorney who will tell the jury, "If it doesn't fit, you must acquit."

+ To General David Petraeus: I'm glad you visited Fort Benning - but c'mon now. Why wouldn't you talk to any local reporters about Iraq? Are the reporters at the Boston Globe that much smarter?

+ To Usama bin-Laden: Don't tell me, let me guess - Just for Men?! I mean, someone so anti-Western simply can't be using Grecian Formula.

SCHEDULED MONDAY: Surprising new competition for downtown restaurants....

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