6 SEP 07: MISTER SEPTEMBER
This is Columbus -- Baseball Town U.S.A. Where Little League teams win world titles. Where high school teams across the river receive #1 national rankings. Where college teams have won national championships. And where minor league professional teams can only draw a crowd when Fort Benning soldiers are ordered onto a bus and driven in.
The Columbus Catfish opened the South Atlantic League playoffs at home Wednesday night - and I admit in recent days, it was all I could do to avoid calling them the RedStixx. It made me wish the old team and the current one had merged, to become the FishStixx.
With the Catfish surging late in the year to win the second-half Southern Division title, surely loyal Columbus baseball fans would show up for the playoff opener against Augusta, right? Your blog decided to go to Golden Park and find out - since no radio station has cared enough to broadcast the team's games in a couple of years.
I've told people for years that I live "a long fly ball from Golden Park." It's only a four-block walk for me, going under the Oglethorpe Bridge to be safe. Yet I must confess that before Wednesday night, I'd only attended one baseball game there. I'd found other things to do with my time in the evening - and let's face it, several online poker rooms are absolutely free.
I suppose I could have called the Catfish, and received media credentials as a blogger to sit in the press box. But I wanted to take in the game from a true fan's perspective - and besides, I don't have a laptop for real-time blogging outside my house.
So at 6:45 p.m. Wednesday night, I strolled under the Oglethorpe Bridge toward Golden Park. The first thing that struck me was how parking spaces near the bridge were empty -- while several people parked on the grass near the stadium fence, without even a driveway to lead them there. The parking lot at South Commons couldn't possibly be THAT crowded.
WRBL's Bruce Frazier noted during the 5:58 p.m. news (have you noticed it starts at two minutes before six every night?) that "tickets are still available" for the Catfish playoff game. There actually was a short line at the ticket window, but nothing huge. The only drama seemed to come from an older man inside the gate, who suggested to a little boy outside that five-year-olds might not be allowed.
The Catfish did NOT increase ticket prices for the playoffs. I could have had a "field box" seat for seven dollars - but I settled for a "grandstand" seat one row farther back for six. It was hard plastic with a back, instead of five-dollar aluminum bleacher seats. These prices must have been set before metal recycling prices went through the roof.
My seat in section CC put me four rows up from the field, and next to two older men. They attend several Catfish games each year, because you "can't beat the price." Considering Cottonmouths tickets for the coming season will start at 11 dollars, they have a point.
But enough of our pre-game coverage - how did the Augusta-Columbus playoff game go? We took an old-fashioned notepad and pen, so we wouldn't miss a thing. But I didn't take a glove, so a foul ball in the first inning whizzed right by me....
Top of 1st: Columbus pitcher Heath Rollins starts strongly, sitting down Augusta batters 1-2-3. The pitching staff has almost a week of rest, after the Savannah rainouts - and top draft pick David Price from Vanderbilt remains the secret weapon, at three months of rest.
Bottom of 1st: The big blue mascot "Hook" makes its appearance - and as he/she/it walks by, he/she/it gives me a "low five." Strangely, Hook's hands didn't feel as furry as I expected.
Catfish All-Star outfielder Ryan Royster is introduced, to some kind of rap song I can't understand. Since he's a white guy, should I automatically assume the rapper is Eminem?
The first inning ends scoreless - and then the crowd is told to "make some noise," to receive "free stuff" from Hook. I do. He/she/it responds, throwing me what turns out to be a tote bag with the logo of the "Our House" home on it. Now all I need is an abused wife, to autograph it for me.
Bottom of 2nd: Matt Fields of Columbus clobbers a two-run homer, to put the Catfish on top. I have to "high five" someone in the row behind me, because the older men alongside me don't seem interested in doing it - either that, or they don't know how.
Top of 3rd: Several fans yell "BAR-RY" at an Augusta batter with that name. I join in for a few pitches, and he winds up on base with a walk. Sometimes these "psych jobs" can distract the pitcher more than the batter.
Then Augusta brings up a second baseman named Juan Jean - and I wonder if he's a distant cousin of "Sean John" Combs.
Bottom of 3rd: A child who looks to be about six correctly answers the "Aflac Trivia Question" of the night, knowing Columbus won its last minor league baseball title in 1986. No, he's NOT a boy genius - because I saw his mother coach him, and Mom admitted she saw that detail in the newspaper.
The child wins a little Aflac duck for his correct answer. I don't know if a wrong answer would have earned him that hungry goat from the commercials....
Top of 4th: It's time for me to head downstairs to the concession stand. "Wet Your Whistle Wednesday" prices are in effect, with hot dogs selling for one dollar.
"Are they pork or beef?" I ask the woman behind the counter. I might as well have asked her the Aflac trivia question.
"They're all-MEAT," the woman says in a vain effort to reply. I haven't eaten pork products in decades, for Biblical reasons - but I noticed years ago how two cats I had jumped all over pepperoni slices from a pizza.
After selecting a three-dollar cheeseburger, I head to the next counter -- where beer and soft drinks also are selling for one dollar. I buy a 12-ounce cup of Diet Pepsi. A 20-ounce bottle at Golden Park would cost me $2.50, but that's still a bargain. The Georgia Dome sold 20-ounce Diet Cokes in the 1990's for four dollars - and during a Billy Graham crusade, of all times.
Bottom of 4th: Not having missed any action with Augusta at the plate, I return in plenty of time to see Columbus designated hitter Quinn Stewart stroke a three-run homer. It's now 5-0 Columbus - and if I didn't know better, I'd think I was their good-luck charm.
The next batter after Quinn Stewart is shortstop Jairo de la Rosa, who is introduced with salsa music. He only hit .211 during the season - but at least you could dance to him, so I give him a high score.
The Catfish rally continues to the top of the order, and soon outfielder John Matulia is at the plate - introduced to some country song about Texas. This seemed ironic, because my college residence hall included a man from Tulia, Texas. Only his long "piece of lumber" was a bassoon he played....
Another two-run homer makes it an 8-0 game. This one comes off the bat of Catfish catcher Nevin Ashley - and if he keeps doing that, he'll replace the good-looking women in Ashley Furniture commercials.
But then someone in the rows above me spots something curious. Several Catfish players do NOT have their pant legs tucked in. A woman claims they're being allowed to wear "long pants" and facial hair through the playoffs. But don't worry - they're not sagging pants, so no one can arrest them.
Top of 5th: It's time for some celebrity spotting. One person in the crowd is wearing military garb, and a patch indicating he's from Panama. Did he flee to Georgia with former President Carter, after that ceremony to expand the Panama Canal?
A woman also walks by, who looks a lot like WRBL reporter Heather Jensen. But she does NOT appear in the 11:00 p.m. news (which actually DOES start at 11:00) - so apparently she wasn't doing a story on all the empty seats at Golden Park....
The Catfish hired searchlights to attract fans to this playoff game - but there's no sign of a late-arriving crowd. In fact, the "crowd" seems only slightly larger than I've seen while driving or walking by Golden Park during the season. When I have open seats on either side of me for refreshments, and I'm in the fourth row, that's not a good sign.
Top of 6th: Augusta finally scores a run, to make it 8-1. Then two children compete in the "dizzy bat race," where they try to run after going around a baseball bat ten times with their foreheads pressed against the knob. This is the alternative for youngsters to drinking one-dollar beers.
Bottom of 6th: The biggest celebrity of the night shows up - Pastor Tom Weise of St. Patrick's Catholic Church in Phenix City. When I see a minister at a playoff game but no Columbus Councilors, is this a sign of impending doom?
The area's best-known Catholic priest tells the man seated next to me why he was so late in arriving at the baseball game. "You don't have to teach Sunday school, or Bible study on Wednesday nights." I knew someone would bring this up - how midweek prayer meetings and church suppers are more popular in Columbus than even baseball.
Meanwhile, the Catfish are mounting another rally - with a runner stealing second base in an 8-1 game. That doesn't seem very nice or sportsmanlike. And I'm sure Pastor Weise would disapprove of any kind of stealing....
Several people have brought their cell phones to the game. A man behind me tells someone he's "seen four home runs," including one which hit the "scoreboard in center field." In reality, there have been three homers - and the Golden Park scoreboard is in left field. Hopefully this man isn't phoning in live reports to ESPN Radio.
The sixth inning ends with Columbus in command 11-1 - and then I turn to another man behind me and ask the big question of the night. "Why aren't more people out here tonight?" The Catfish never announce the paid attendance - as if they're afraid the visiting team will laugh out loud at it.
The man behind me struggles for an answer to my question. "They need to have free admission for a month," he suggests for bringing in fans. Either that, or the one-dollar beer price needs to be promoted better.
"Would it be different if this stadium was on the north side of town?" I ask. The man behind me doesn't think so. He says few baseball stadiums are in high quality locations, even at the major-league level. After all, the new Yankee Stadium being planned isn't in Manhattan -- it's still in The Bronx.
Top of 7th: A woman behind me gets a call on her cell phone. When the conversation, she says something about a game being "in the third." Why someone would call with reports from TiVo on the Philadelphia-Atlanta game during the afternoon, I'm not quite sure.
Perhaps this call explains the best answer to the lack of fan support for the Columbus Catfish. The caller seemed to be either at a softball game, or Little League "fall ball." Maybe Columbus is so busy playing these games that it lacks the time to pay to watch others do it. Which reminds me - how is that new indoor soccer team coming?
Bottom of 7th: The score stays 11-1, and it's time for children to put on inflated suits for the "Gold's Gym Sumo Slam." Sumo-a-Go-Go restaurant missed out on a great promotion here....
Top of 8th: Former Columbus State pitcher Bryan Baker comes on in relief for the Catfish, and keeps the score 11-1. The players he sits down include Augusta first baseman Brent Pill - who wound up more like a chill pill.
Final: The Catfish win 11-2, to take the lead in the Southern Division finals. The remaining games of the series will be in Augusta this weekend. If Columbus wins one more game, the Catfish will be back home next week for the South Atlantic League championship series. If they don't - well, for 90 percent of the city it will be business as usual.
Let's wrap up this victory report with some other things we spotted Wednesday:
+ Which local dental office received a visit from Georgia Bureau of Investigation agents? I'm told it was a "baby's daddy" search - and NO desperate Medicaid patients were rounded up, for transport to other locations.
+ Gas prices in much of Columbus went up by nine cents a gallon, for the second day in a row. Will someone please remind the store managers that the Labor Day weekend is over?
+ Georgia Public Broadcasting showed a program on an 1865 Civil War battle in the Columbus area. The program was called "The Last Ditch" - which I think travelers across Columbus now call the Chattahoochee River.
+ Instant Message to all the Republicans running for President: You guys need to write a book, and do it quickly - because to watch TV talk shows this week, the coronation of President Hillary Rodham Clinton may already be underway.
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