20 SEP 07: TAKEN TO THE CLEANERS

Call me old-fashioned, but I still wear a suit and tie to church. If the people at one of those "come as you are" churches forced me to change my wardrobe, my closet of sportcoats might never be opened again.

With an annual church convention approaching, it's time for me to get suits cleaned for the trip -- and this year, I was ready. I had pulled out a "frequent customer card" from Continental Cleaners, which was buried under other papers for a few years. Of course, that meant it was as stiff and flat as a starched shirt collar....

My frequent customer card from Continental Cleaners was punched all around - and as it clearly says, "20 punches earns $10 on next order." I'm old enough to remember when taking 20 punches from a heavyweight boxing champion was considered a major sports story.

But anyway: I took three suits and my frequent customer card to a Continental Cleaners shop last week. Not knowing when I had to turn in the card, I gave it to the attendant right away.

"Oh, no," she said at the sight. "We stopped accepting those three or four years ago." I guess I'm not as frequent a customer as I thought I was.

"You might as well throw that card in the trash can," the woman said next. But I couldn't, as she dropped it in a wastebasket behind the counter herself. I've never even had a date dump me like this.

I suppose if I had visited Continental Cleaners more often, I might have spotted signs warning about the end of the frequent customer card program. Especially at a dry cleaners, where every spot should be noticed right away....

But I wish businesses such as this one promoted the end of their special deals, as much as they do the deals themselves. Broadway theatres do this with "final weeks" notices for plays. But thankfully, no political candidates are tacky enough to do this to incumbents.

This isn't the first time I waited too long to take advantage of a discount in Columbus. Does anyone remember the old Playwright Café on Broadway? I had a card for a free meal there, after a lunch with lousy service - only when I tried to use it weeks later, the restaurant was shut down. Which means, of course, the service had gone from lousy to worse.

So what would you have done, if someone at a business had just thrown your long-saved discount card in a trash can? Would you have protested, arguing "the customer is always right?" At a dry cleaners, that's like asking for your suits to come back with mysterious cigarette-sized holes in the elbows.

Would you have taken your clothing, and simply walked out the door? That's not easy at a dry cleaners, either. Prices normally aren't posted on the walls, to help you make price comparisons. The second choice might cost you more - and then you might ruin your suits for good, by throwing them on the ground in disgust.

I decided to let Continental Cleaners go ahead and clean my suits. The three coats and three pairs of pants wound up costing me about 32 dollars. That ten-dollar discount card would have been nice - but I don't think it even received the dignity of going in a white paper recycling bin.

While we prepare other items for the road trip, here's what we noticed in the news Wednesday:

+ An evening walk around Golden Park confirmed the Columbus Catfish have posted absolutely nothing, to note they won the South Atlantic League pennant a week ago. With Auburn football fans in near-crisis, you'd think the baseball team would give us something to smile about....

+ Cessna Aircraft broke ground for a parts plant at the Muscogee Technology Park. Cessna is based in Wichita, Kansas - the "Air Capital." I've seen so many spelling mistakes on signs in Columbus that I'm tempted to call it the Error Capital.

+ A Muscogee County schools spokesperson told WXTX "News at Ten" accused sex offender James Cypher has been removed from the Columbus High School faculty. He's now working in the transportation department - where apparently the only thing he can manhandle is an oil filter for a bus.

+ The director of "In the Valley of Elah" appeared on public television's "Tavis Smiley Show." Paul Haggis admitted he's not sure people will want to see his movie, based on the Richard Davis murder case in Columbus. Apparently some people do - because Fort Benning hasn't declared it off-limits to soldiers yet.

(Tavis Smiley confirmed In the Valley of Elah is only in "limited release" right now, in New York and Los Angeles. Even when it comes to Columbus, the movie's release still may be limited - such as one screening in mid-December at the main library.)

+ Opelika city officials encouraged young people to recycle, by declaring Wednesday "Make It a Habit Day." Wednesday was also "Talk Like a Pirate Day" - and I hope I never meet anyone who's trying to put the two together.

+ A Snellville, Georgia medical examiner concluded the brawl we mentioned here Wednesday ended with a man dying from a heart attack -- NOT from an armless man head-butting him. Then again, the thought of being beaten up by somebody with no arms could stun me into having a heart attack, too.

+ Instant Message to rapper 50 Cent: 2 Two Too bad. Kanye West's new CD is SO outselling yours. But if you plan to go ahead and quit the music business, I've found the perfect new career for you - "50 Cent Rent-a-Car" on Wynnton Road.

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