28 MAR 07: THUD, THUD, THUD WENT THE TROLLEY

It's one thing to convert "rails to trails." It's another thing to attempt a combination of the two. Columbus Council decided Tuesday to put the trail first, when it comes to connecting downtown with Columbus State University. For now, a planned trolley on that route is with Mister Rogers' trolley - in the Neighborhood of Make-Believe.

When Columbus voters approved a one-cent sales tax for city projects years ago, part of the money was set aside for a trolley line. It would look old-fashioned, while getting the interest of tourists. All we'd need was a Rice-a-Roni stand, and it would have really felt like San Francisco.

The SPLOST issue included $11 million for a trolley, running roughly from TSYS headquarters to the "train station" Burger King near Peachtree Mall. But city officials disclosed Tuesday the actual cost of such a service would be at least four times that much. It looks like we can start on the sequel to "An Inconvenient Truth...."

City Planning Director Rick Jones told WRBL a trolley line would cost between 40 and 50 million dollars, simply to build. For that much money, the line ought to run much closer to the main library.

On top of that, Rick Jones said the city would have to pay for staff members to operate the trolley. That would mean a couple of drivers, of course. But I'd think students could be recruited at the minimum wage during summer, to ride treadmills and provide the electric power.

Rick Jones hinted he's not really sure a trolley line across Columbus would attract that many tourists. He said most of the riders probably would be Columbus State University students. Serious mall shoppers would have trouble hauling all their bags across Manchester Expressway to the trolley stop, anyway.

Rick Jones insisted the idea of a trolley line through Columbus is not dead yet. It's just that the trail for it will be developed first, with the trolley possibly being added later -- for instance, if Columbus State attracts an exchange student from Amsterdam who brings a used trolley with him.

Perhaps Columbus Council could pay for full trolley service with help from another decision made Tuesday. It voted to hire a Birmingham debt collection company, to handle unpaid landfill fees. This should make for an interesting spring -- seeing guys in long trench coats walking up to tree removal crews....

(Why a Birmingham company for debt collections? It's obviously because Columbus wants a firm that's tough. If you've kept track of Birmingham's murder count the last couple of years, you know how tough people have to be to live there.)

But at least for now, there are "faux trolleys" you can ride around the Columbus area. Phenix City's bus system has a few vehicles which look like old-style trolley cars. METRA has one, which rolls through the Historic District. And about the closest thing to a trolley bell you can ring is on the wall at Long John Silver restaurants.

BLOG UPDATE: A reader complained here Sunday that the PAWS organization doesn't care about the lives of stray kittens. Her complaint has made a Talbot County message board, because that's where she lives -- only she's accused of forgetting the county has an animal control officer for such cases. Maybe she decided you can't be "pro-control" and "pro-life" at the same time?!

But someone else at the Talbot County message board says the county's animal control officer is too busy "planting grass state wide." So he's at least making sure the cats have something to eat. Most of the cats I've owned would have been too smart to touch that poisoned moist stuff.

E-MAIL UPDATE: But the woman who e-mailed us about PAWS has moved on to another issue today....

Dear Mr. District Atty;

You have my very utmost respect as you have been an excellent DA. Your father saved my grandmother's life which increases my regard for you. I am sure you must know that fact makes me most especially proud to have you as our District Atty.

Please help me with this most difficult problem, the following petition.

Sir, I cannot begin to question your integrity, and I remind you that you have my highest respect, but because of my inability to resolve this seemingly incredible assertion, I ask you to help me understand this seemingly bizarre issue, that you would have bodily remains in the DA's office closet? Sir, you are the legal expert, if it is true, I can only ask if it is even legal, or if it is a desecration of the body?

Sir, please tell me that we are all in error. We are all still in shock at the child molestation sentencing of the public defender, and now this unbelievable assertion about you with a skeleton in your closet.

Please tell me that the petition is wrong . Please tell me that you do not now house the skeletal remains of SPC Richard T. Davis in the District Attorney's office closet. If it is true, I don't even want to know why at this point. It is so ludicrous I cannot speak it without cringing, and I beg you to tell me that it is not true.

I ask you to provide me the courtesy of a reply, and hopefully a denial, so that I may tell others that it is untrue, that you do not house the skeletal remains of an Iraqi War vet in your office closet. If it is true, it is perhaps, and hopefully, unprecedented.

Thank you.

Respectfully Yours,

Deborah Owens

Hmmmm -- I figured the most likely elected official in Columbus to have a "skeleton in the closet" would be Councilor Jerry "Pops" Barnes. He's a practicing nurse, after all....

Check Monday's blog entry for a link to the petition drive Ms. Owens is mentioning. I would imagine in reality, Richard Davis's remains are still kept at the Columbus morgue -- where this case has given a very new meaning to "The Big Chill."

Tuesday's letter about Cascade Hills Church and its board brought a follow-up message:

Mr Burkard,

Thanks for your answer to my email. I think this part of your answer might have been somewhat tounge in cheek. However, if you use the argument contained in the response below that would mean Jim Bakker was really doing something right.... "Do you think Mrs. Purvis would look good in overdone mascara?"

"However Cascade Hills operates its organization, it must be doing something right. The latest "Columbus Community News" shows it has 7,500 members. Saint Anne Catholic Church is second in size in Columbus, at 4,655 -- and it serves free bread and wine to members all the time."

Thanks,

--Mark

Tongue-in-cheek -- me?!?! Since we always seem to have new readers pass our way, please review the box in the top right corner. We tend to be humorous in what we write here. And after watching "Real Time" the last few weekends, I've concluded Debbie Purvis needs no mascara whatsoever - just hugs and kisses from her husband every day.

Now a quick check of other Tuesday topics:

+ The Russell County Commission endorsed a five-cent per-bottle beverage tax, to pay for various projects. Some of the money could be used to pave dirt roads - with people littering plastic soda bottles all along the roadsides, to remind you how the work was funded.

+ Russell County Commissioners also backed an $11,000 raise for Sheriff Tommy Boswell. If the state legislature approves, he'll earn $80,000 a year - which I think finally would entitle him to advance from Wal-Mart shopping to Publix.

+ Columbus State Rep. Calvin Smyre showed up at the House floor wearing a giant neck brace. It's apparently the result of recent surgery - not from House Republican leaders being that big a pain in the neck.

+ Lanett and Valley announced a compromise, in a recent land feud along Interstate 85. So which city gets custody of King Ford on even-numbered days?

+ Instant Message to Carmike Cinemas: Have you read about this other company's proposal to build a new eight-screen theater in Eufaula? [True/Eufaula Tribune] When do you plan to buy out that company, and shut the idea down?

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 3521 (+ 81, 2.4%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-07 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.