22 MAR 07: DEJA VU TIMES TWO

So you thought Wednesday was the first full day of Sping Spring? Or maybe C.S.U. Day? I beg to differ with you. Wednesday was Groundhog Day at my house. As in the Andie McDowell movie. I guess someone else had top billing - but as a single guy, she had the bulk of my attention.

The 5:00 p.m. hour was one of the strangest I've had at home in a long time. It already was a repeat to one extent, as The Oprah Winfrey Show is showing reruns all week of her cross-country road trip with Gayle King. I can't believe this woman of such humble origins never played bingo in her life, and hadn't driven a car in more than 20 years.

But Wednesday's episode was one I hadn't seen before -- as "Oprah and Gayle" traveled through my home state of Kansas. They passed cattle ranches, and couldn't stand the odor. Come to think of it, they made sure the road trip went well around Amarillo, Texas....

But I digress: a few minutes in the hour, my phone rang. Charter Communications was calling with an alleged great rate for Internet, cable and phone service. There were only one thing wrong with this. Someone from Charter had called with the very same offer Monday evening. With no offers in between, maybe the TV ads are right -- I really don't have a choice for cable TV.

I told the telemarketer I'd heard this pitch before. In fact, I could summarize the "few questions" the man wanted to ask me. "I don't have cable, my local phone bill is $28.85, my long-distance bill is $1.82...." I've learned to keep my phone bills near the phone for these offers - but this made three times in three days.

The Charter man was offered a cable-phone-web combination package for $89.95 a month. I told him that was the same price I'd heard a few days before, and I still wasn't interested. Amazingly, the telemarketer gave up -- instead of being in a mood to start negotiations.

It's a rare day when I receive more than one telemarketing call. But Wednesday, I received a second one in the 5:00 p.m. hour. I was sorting out papers on the living room floor during spring cleaning, so I suppose the scrambling up to get the phone provided a little exercise.

The second call was from a woman with "American Handicapped and Disabled Workers" (I may be wrong about the Disabled) -- a group which sells all sorts of things over the phone to make money. How did I know this? Because someone from the same group had called me Tuesday night -- less than 24 hours before. It's as if the computers in every boiler room shut down overnight.

The man who called Tuesday night emphasized cool-burning, energy-efficient, argon gas ten-year light bulbs. They'd only cost me ten dollars - each. The pricing of hybrid cars seems to work in the other direction.

I asked if this handicapped workers' group has a web site for reviewing all the things it offers by phone. The telemarketing man said it doesn't. In 2007?! Do the eligible disabilities for employment include a phobia about hackers?

But the Tuesday night handicapped caller happened to mention during his pitch that he had a young daughter. Some of the beggars I meet on street corners probably have them, too - but they don't bring them up in conversations. Of course, they probably can't afford to pay child support for them....

"I told your people I wasn't interested Tuesday night," I told the woman who called Wednesday afternoon. "And nothing's changed since then." Not one light bulb burned out, to make me wonder if God was sending a message to make me feel guilty.

There was a third telemarketing call Wednesday -- only it came at 10:00 Wednesday night. From the accent of the caller, it probably was mid-morning in India or Pakistan....

Telemarketer #3 had called me a couple of weekends ago, offering a "one-time-only" special including a free cell phone. But he called on the Sabbath, so I told him I'd have to miss out. The caller promised to give me a second change a few days later, before I left for work in the morning. Given his call almost two weeks later at late evening, I should have been skeptical from the start.

Telemarketer #3 gave his pitch three different times - but didn't seem to understand me when I said "not interested." I certainly didn't understand, when he asked for my Social Security number to process the cell phone deal. If the calls are made as randomly as he claimed, the billing numbers ought to work the same way.

I've found I hardly ever need a cell phone, anyway. It might have come in handy a couple of times last year, when I was trying to launch a sports business. And it certainly wouldn't have helped a couple of weeks ago, when I locked myself out of my apartment. If I didn't bring any keys with me, I probably would have forgotten the cell phone as well.

E-MAIL UPDATE: There's plenty in the InBox today, starting at the Government Center:

This guy will be Judge Jordan's new law clerk this August....

I have been told this Judge depends heavily on his law clerks.

Not sure this is blogworthy...but thought you would like to know.

A call to Superior Court Judge Frank Jordan's office confirmed Mark P. Jones will join the staff of clerks later this year. And if three calls from telemarketers are "blogworthy" here, he probably is as well.

At first I thought the biography page of Mark P. Jones's web site showed him holding a small fish. But a closer look indicates it's more like a small crab. Jones notes he enjoys hunting - and he seems to do it well, because that critter shows no sign of a bullet hole at all.

But I wonder if the e-mailer was more interested in what Mark P. Jones writes in his online biography. He calls liberalism "the absence of values," and prefers a Singapore-style "authoritarian version of democracy." It's a wonder Judge Frank Jordan hired Jones, before Mayor Jim Wetherington did.

Mark P. Jones goes on to call sleep "a waste of time," and writes about supporting a bill "mandating an 18 hour workday." It sounds like he's perfect for a law clerk's job - and I hope he gets to know some of the prison inmates who will empty the trash cans at the Government Center during the evenings.

Mark P. Jones is unashamedly Christian, rejecting Islam because "the founder writes their central text in a cave." Does this mean we should take back the Martin Luther King holiday? After all, he wrote a famous letter from a Birmingham jail....

Let's look at one more message today - on a topic which has brought several comments lately:

Lanny and Remy Davis were recently in Columbus to ask the District Attorney to return their murdered sons remains for a proper burial. Richard Davis' birthday would have been March 14. His parents have made a trip to Columbus every year at this time. Although they left town with no confirmed date as to the return of Richard's remains; some very generous people assisted them in their pursuit. On behalf of the Davis family, I want to thank Priya Aujla of WTVM for reporting this story to Columbus, as well as Attorney Mark Shelnutt and Judge Bobby Peters for speaking out on their behalf. They took time from their busy schedules to meet with the Davis' and displayed sincere compassion that the family found very comforting at a time when they feel the justice system is victimizing them all over again.

I also want to point out something else that has touched the hearts of Lanny and Remy Davis, proving what great people really live in Columbus. Because Richard's actual grave is empty, the murder location on Milgen Road has served as a substitute because it's where Richard's body lay for so many months. Columbus State University is now building dorms for the students on this site. The Davis' have laid flowers at the location where he was killed and a few feet away, where he was burned. The construction workers present always paused and gave the family privacy. When the flowers left behind need to be moved out of their ay, the workers gently move them and then move them back again. I do not know their names, but they deserve thanks for being such truly decent, kind people.

As Judge Peters so eloquently worded it; justice must be tempered with compassion.

Cilla McCain

That indeed is a nice act of courtesy by the construction team on Milgen Road. But I'm left wondering how the death site was handled when the woods first were cleared away. If the workers didn't leave any trees standing, I'm wondering how many pictures might be buried three feet below the marker now.

If your e-mail isn't here today, it's solely because I'm out of time. They'll be here soon - but now we must close with quick items from Wednesday's news:

+ The lawsuit by former Phenix City Clerk Max Wilkes was moved to federal court in Montgomery. City officials say Wilkes was let go because of a tight budget. Now Wilkes plans to make them prove it - by having them car-pool to court hearings in a city van.

+ The LaGrange Daily News reported Pine Mountain Wild Animal Safari plans a major expansion, including a new hotel and an RV park. Big spenders can see a giraffe eye-to-eye - while the budget-conscious may have to share the dinner with roaming monkeys.

+ Columbus native and pro football defensive back Roderick Hood visited a Phenix City school. Hood said he plans to return to Auburn University after his pro football career ends, to finally get his degree. Now that should be interesting - especially since Hood won't be able to plead for Directed Studies courses.

+ Online reports indicated the Atlanta Falcons are trading backup quarterback Matt Schaub to Houston. OK, be honest now - after last season, how many of you think the wrong quarterback is being moved?

+ Instant Message to my old alma mater Kansas: Please don't let me down in the Sweet 16 tonight. Leave Southern Illinois looking.... well, downright S.IL.ly.

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