3 FEB 06: WORMS AND 'FICHE

Well, OK, it's technically not a worm - but here's a computer alert! The "Kama Sutra" virus is expected to begin spreading across cyberspace today. We've heard the warnings for weeks about what to do - so wash your hands frequently with an antibacterial soap.

The computer obviously has taken control over much of our lives - but are we letting it dominate too much? That question occurred to me the other day, when I learned the Columbus Public Library had discarded a lot of old microfilm and microfiche records. So the micro-management started even before that sculpture....

I was working on a project which involved reviewing magazines from the mid-1970's. But the search became an adventure, when I followed the "microfilm" signs. I wound up in the Georgia genealogy section - which seemed a strange place to find Time magazine, unless you're researching Jimmy Carter's relatives.

There were old Columbus newspapers in microfilm boxes on the open shelves, and not much else. But I'm a library research veteran, going back to the high school varsity debate team -- although I resisted the team members who wanted to wear "CLAP FOR V.D." T-shirts. [True!]

"I'm looking for the old-fashioned Readers Guide to Periodical Literature," I said to the woman at the reference desk.

"We don't have that anymore," was her deadpan answer. Maybe if I hadn't said old-fashioned?!

When the main library was near the Columbus Museum, the Reader's Guide annuals dated back to at least the 1960s. But when the library moved to Macon Road 14 months ago, they were dumped - along with all the old microfilm magazine reels. I should have checked, to make sure history books are still on shelves.

The woman at the reference desk explained when the library moved, the staff decided to switch completely to the state of Georgia's "Galileo" online system. But it offers so many possible databases of articles that sorting through it all can be a challenge -- and library computers only give you one hour at a time.

Suppose the computers were down for some reason -- say, that Kama Sutra virus. What could I do to research old items? The microfilm served as a helpful alternative -- and you know the old advice about having a backup for your hard drive....

(Besides, one online database I tried only seemed to have magazine articles dating from 1986. The mid-seventies did not exist - which sounds like every disco music hater's dream come true.)

I didn't ask the library staff what happened to the old microfilm reels and hardbound magazines. If they were donated somewhere, the library probably would have sent out news releases applauding itself. I fear this collection is now the most valuable treasure at the city landfill since all that bank money vanished.

The combination of a quiet microfilm discard and a tough online searching stymied my project work for the day. I'm sad and disappointed that the Columbus Public Library did this - but then again, I struggled with college micro-economics.

Meanwhile, back at the virus watch: a local man told me Thursday he tried to guard against Kama Sutra by updating his Norton security software this week. But after he did, the Norton firewall wouldn't let him go online at all. Hmmmm - was he checking one of those steamy teenage tell-all journals?

This man says it took the disabling of his firewall, a scanning tool download, a one-hour hard-drive scan AND the removal and reinstallation of his Norton software before everything worked right again. The Norton web site suggested his computer might have a virus. But he might want to e-mail the Homeland Security Department, too....

SPAM-A-RAMA: While we're computer-focused, a curious e-mail combination reached me Thursday. One message said, "YOU ARE LUCKY." The other said, "MY FRIEND, YOU ARE IN TROUBLE." And neither of them was for a weekend date.

The "lucky" e-mail was from the Netherlands, telling me I've won $1 million in an online lottery. I've allegedly won so many of these in the last year that I simply delete them now - because who needs that much money in Columbus, really?

The "trouble" e-mail offered me cut-rate computer software, which I could download on the spot. I didn't even need a CD-ROM -- unless, of course, the download is infected and I need the weekend to reinstall everything.

E-MAIL UPDATE: From the NON-spam message department, we have a comment about our Thursday salute to Auburn University:

It seems to me that all this celebration surrounding AU's 150th is a very convenient way to distract from that horrible report. I want to know why the local media isn't asking more questions about AU's trustees. Sooner or later locals in this area are going to have to realize that the "good ol' boy" system of doing things around here is yesterday's news. The South is no longer isolated from the rest of the country. It's time to accept that fact and start talking about how we can all work together to make things better, and that includes getting things straight at a distinguished university.

And as a side note, let me say how proud I was to read that they gave the athletics program high marks because God knows football is way more important than getting a good education, getting a good job, building financials and assets for your future and sustaining economic growth not just for you but for your children and so forth. But screw all that. Go tigers.

If you can't hear the sarcasm...MAYBE I SHOULD WRITE BIGGER.

AR

So I suppose your response to this should be "AR-AR-AR...."

The Auburn University trustees may face questions today - because they're scheduled to review the 150-page report of outside reviewer James Fisher. If they decide to write a 250-page reply, we can safely conclude they didn't get his point.

Auburn University tried to keep the back-patting going Thursday. WRBL visited a group of engineers which is working on improved heating for NASA. The space agency already knows what to do if it gets too hot - open the space capsule door.

As for athletics vs. academics - did you notice the Auburn High School quarterback signed a college commitment to Georgia Tech the other day? He explained a Georgia Tech degree will give him something to fall back on. Apparently an Auburn degree only gets you discounts at restaurants near the campus.

Now before we get in further trouble, let's quickly review other Thursday news items:

+ A Columbus police officer declared the "GREAT" gang resistance program has cut the number of local gang members from about 3,000 to less than 200. So that big fight outside Georgetown Elementary School several weeks ago must have been their annual convention.

+ Fort Benning commander Walter Wojdakowski told reporters as the post prepares for thousands of new soldiers, it will create a "maneuver center." And all this time, I thought this phrase referred to a stick shift.

+ Dozens of young people took part in the Columbus Chamber of Commerce's annual "Groundhog Job Shadow Day." If they do this at Burger King, I suppose this means six more weeks of Whoppers.

+ A judge in Montgomery ruled Alabama can have driver's license exams in more than one language. He wrote just because English is the "official state language," that does NOT mean it's the "only language." After all, there's been no move to kill all birds besides the yellowhammer.

+ The Columbus RiverCenter confirmed James Taylor will appear in concert March 4. Your blog has learned there's a special one-day "pre-sale" online today for insiders - so if you "don't know much about history," you'd better know some computer skills.

+ Columbus resident Lori Newman correctly answered a trivia question on "Live with Regis and Kelly," and won a trip to Italy. Newman says she wants to take a group of nine people on the trip - which by my figuring means they'll have to rent five different Italian sports cars.

+ Phenix City pitching star Tim Hudson announced he will NOT take part in the upcoming "World Baseball Classic." I'm not sure this is a wise decision. Given Atlanta's playoff performance in recent years, this could be the only "World series" for Hudson to play.

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