13 FEB 06: HERE WE GO LOOP-DE-LOOP

Atlanta has a weekly newspaper called "Creative Loafing," but I've long considered it a city for creative driving as well. People pull some amazing moves in traffic, to get around other drivers - and this was years before Michael Vick showed up to give them new ideas.

Sometimes I think dozens of Atlanta drivers have moved to Columbus. Take several cases this past week. It started on Ninth Street, as an eastbound driver backed out of a diagonal parking space and circled into the westbound lane -- in the middle of the block! The Government Center needs traffic cameras, because it was one block away.

Amazingly, a similar site occurred Saturday afternoon. A driver was parked eastbound on Ninth Street, next to KFC - and pulled out with a great circle to get in the westbound lane. I can think of some better ways to show off your power steering than this....

There's a very different, yet old-fashioned way to accomplish what these drivers did - one I guess is going out of style. It's called driving around the block. Think of it as like a short-track lap in NASCAR.

This is where I suspect Atlanta drivers have moved here -- because driving around the block admittedly can be difficult in Atlanta. So many roads are winding that longtime residents say the traffic routes were based on "cow paths." Probably the same cows who have trouble spelling, in Chick-fil-A ads....

(Which reminds me: have you ever watched children's programs on GPB? Chick-fil-A underwrites some of those shows, and the cows NEVER have a spelling problem there. Perhaps it's on orders of the State School Superintendent.)

But anyway: why is it that some drivers have to take the "great circle" route to find their way anymore -- even in downtown Columbus? I don't think the price of gasoline is THAT high that driving around the block will bust someone's budget....

Another example of "creative driving" passed my way (literally) on Macon Road the other day. I was westbound in the right of four lanes -- you know, the lane where people drive at the speed limit, and openly show they're conservative
fundamentalists.

There was a passing lane on my left along Macon Road. But the driver of a Silverado with the Georgia "PYTHONZ" tag wouldn't go there. Instead, he passed me in a right-turn lane on my RIGHT -- pulling in front of me as that turn lane ended!
What video game taught him that move?

Mr. PYTHONZ should be thankful I wasn't driving like him at that moment. I could have been as impulsive as he was, chosen to have a spur-of-the-moment drag race -- and come to think of it, his move might have earned me insurance money for a new car.

It's tempting to say this Silverado driver had the brains of PYTHONZ - but we strive to be a bit higher-class than that here. Let's simply say this: just because you have that tag on your car does NOT mean you should slither around in traffic like one.

YOUR MOST TRULY WONDERFUL LOCAL BLOG WINTER OLYMPIC COVERAGE: No one from Columbus competed in the Winter Olympics Sunday. But if you see Michelle Kwan, please give her my sympathies - and my phone number, so I can take her on a dinner date.

(Instant Message to the Redneck Games organizers near Dublin, Georgia: Please don't get any ideas from Michelle Kwan, and stage a "groin pull" competition this summer....)

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